Lolikit. LK-niisan. Where did you fall so hard? What happened to the trolling? What happened to the violence, the hate, the rage? How is it, that these many years on, I am the sole surviving LK that legitimately dislikes Lucky Star, K-ON, all of it? You had to have known. You had to have suspected. Your irony will only carry you so far, LK-niisan.

I still rage. I still protest. I still leave in rage when my anime club at school puts on Lucky Star. (No, seriously, guys. They made me sit through the first episode. It was SO BAD. What the fuck do you see in this show!? Other than Shiraishi Minoru. Minoru-sama is still god.) I still make obscene jokes about YFR and CJ. I still bitch about Jason fucking Miao. I still fuck up my tags. Nothing will change, in my soul. Call me a dinosaur if you will! A relicant! A fossil of a by-gone era of trolling! But I will hold out. I will make my random unpredictable violent posts that no one gives a shit about. I will keep following the twitters of a dozen anibloggers whose blogs I don’t read. I will keep hating on what I signed on to hate, back in 2005.

I’m not giving up. Never will my hate fade. K-ON is nothing but fucking moeblobs doing what moeblobs do worst: aspire to quality.

So fuck. That. Shit.

.lolikappa

So yes.

Vote for me.

I’m up against Hanners… and how could I lose to Hanners?

*I = ghostlightning
lolikit is ventriloquizing.

I’m going to show my spite for the whores over at Kyoto Animation and vote against everyone today. Well. That was another easy decision!

Next, people have been accusing me of not being an anime blogger. I can’t accept that. So here goes. Time to blog some animu!

Ookamikakushi vs. Kanokon: an objective analysis

Point 1: male lead is a total pansy
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 2: male lead smells hella good
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 3: male lead is voiced by a girl
O: probably.
K: yes.
Result: K+1.

Point 4: male lead is wanted by many girls
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 5: male lead is wanted by many guys
O: yes.
K: probably.
Result: O+1.

Point 6: male lead smells so fucking good
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 7: wolves!
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 8: male lead smells so good everyone wants to shag him
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 9: how does the series attract its viewers?
O: ‘suspense,’ murder, etc.
K: boobs.
Result: K+1.

Final Score
O: 1, K: 2

Kanokon wins by virtue of its fanservice. Hurrah!

DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

DRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrRrRrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRrrrrr

This looks pretty bitchin’ awesome. I mean, the guy in the middle is a butler or some shit, and he’s got a baseball bat covered with SHADOW SPIKES. Clearly he’s going to murder everyone with his shadowmancy. The other guys are also shadowmancers. The first episode is all about how they meet, at this sweetass restaurant. The guy in the middle (who Im’a call Green ’cause I can’t remember his real name) is a waiter there, and the other guys are hipsters who are meeting there for a date. They all get attacked by motorcycles, whose engines are just like DRRRRRRRRR all the fucking time, but it’s chill, because they use their shadows to cut the motorcycles in half. It’s kind of a ripoff of Pride from FMA, but whatever. It’s cool.

Also it looks like it was drawn by the designers of Persona 4, and some totally hot chicks told me that game was bitchin’, so I’m gonna say it was bitchin’ too. So yeah, bonus points for that.

DANCE IN THE VAMPIRE BUNDT CAKE

So… it’s basically Moon Phase, only with more blatant pedophilia. TARGET AUDIENCE: JOSH PINES. Seriously, I’m playing Star Wars RPG right now (yeah, fuck you) and my DM says he wants to watch this shit. So steer clear of this, because that dude is a fucking pedophile. And unless you wanna get tainted like he is, DON’T WATCH THIS SHIT. I mean he’s a pretty good DM, but seriously the dude likes little girl vampires. Creepy shit.

So what’s this about? Well, the first episode involves this naked vampire chick (I mean technically she’s got a cloak) and she eats like twenty guys, and turns them into zombies. Then she uses the flowers in her hair to seduce this salaryman, Kotaro. See he’s secretly a pedo too (viewpoint character or something) and she’s seducing him away from his boringass wife. There was some sketchy implications that Kotaro was a chosen one or something, but I didn’t really pay much attention.

My main concern: WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE BUNDT CAKE? I’M HUNGRY AS SHIT.

SORA NO WOTO

The only thing that could make this picture better would be if it were a flute. And if she were playing it with her vagoo.

Sora no Woto is fucking amazing. I mean seriously, I’m tentatively gonna declare this best series of 2010. I only saw the OP, but that’s already enough. From what I could gather from the PVs and stuff, it’s the story of a wandering soldier known only as the Sky Bugler. She passes through the post-apocalyptic industrial countryside, showing off her badass bugling skills. It’s a heartwarming story of life and love in a world beyond the end of the world. Science has failed, and only music can save humanity at this point, so it’s up to the Sky Bugler. She has a profound elemental connection to the sky, and can understand the nature of the war that came before.

This is one to watch, guys. Trust me on this. I’m an expert.

HANAMARU KINDERGRABBER

No seriously, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Apparently someone decided Ichigo Mashimaro wasn’t foetal enough. So now we legitimately have a show about FETUSES RUNNING AROUND. Holy fucking balls. And their dad is a florist. Who looks like Keitaro from fucking Love Hina. Holy balls.

The first episode… NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED. It was literally 24 minutes of fetuses staring at each other and giggling occasionally. Then one of them SHAT THEMSELF. I feel like I could’ve scrubbed bleach into my eyes for 24 minutes and had it be more productive than this bullshit. Jesus fetusfucking Christ.

NODAME CANTPLAYIT GRAND FINALE

So, this is the seventeenth season of this series, about some chick who plays piano and some guy who stabs people with a conductor’s baton. The chick used to be lame as shit, but in the new series, she’s taken a level in badass, and has ninja skills. You can see that in this picture, where she catches a fly with her bare hands. It’s pretty intense.

Anyway, this series picks up where the last one left off, namely with her discovering his secret identity as a crime fighting Parisian. That’s right, motherfucker’s from Paris. Since she’s British and Japanese, this is pretty intense. But as the new episode opens, she reveals that she too is a crimefighter. Now, with both of them together, they can take on the most dastardly villain of all: Michael Tilson Thomas. It’s going to take all of their power to stop his mad plot to take over the entire world through a particularly intense concert. Everyone will dance to the beat of his baton!

I’m pretty excited for this series, because Michael Tilson Thomas is a badass, and has glowing blue glasses. I met him at a party this one time, up in Mendocino in a barn. He was a cool dude. I almost got glasses like him.

Some promo art of the Big Bad. Look at that badass.

KATANAGATARI

So, “Katanagatari,” which is short for Katamari Gattai Train, is pretty damn awesome. The art style is absolutely gorgeous. It’s by Nisio Isin, and is an adaptation of the original Katamari, but takes the series in a VERY different direction. That guy in the middle there? That’s the Prince of All Cosmos. See, his father, the King of All Cosmos, got drunk as shit one night on sake, and crashed the beautiful Japanese palace into itself, resulting in the cherry blossom petals being scattered to the four winds. The Prince must now set out on his magic train to gattai with every beautiful girl in the land, in order to prove his own self-worth to himself. The whole thing is very metaphorical, and has constant allusions to the Tale of Genji. It’s a beautiful work of art, and definitely one to follow this season.

SEIKON NO QUASAR

So, quasars are the coolest shit in space.

Unfortunately, this show doesn’t live up to the brilliance of its own premise. It’s set in the distant future, and follows the story of that young badass in the front, Seikon. He lives with his four sexyass goth-loli maids in a fucking quasar. That’s right, a quasar. Unfortunately, the quasar recently set a blast of energy at an inhabited planet, and wiped out half of the planet. So now the survivors have come for Seikon, to get their vengeance. Seikon must ride into battle to defend his harem, armed only with his epic scythe, made out of space.

It’s incredibly sweet, but beyond the character designs, there’s not a lot to see here. The writing is mediocre, the fanservice is crap, and the fight scenes are incredibly poorly animated. DROPPED.

That’s all I’ve got time for today. I’ve gotta convince Mace Windu not to kill me, and get his help to kill some Unifying Force bitch. Whatever, I’ve got a Kaminoan geneticist captive to extend my lifespan, because I’m a badass Clone Trooper.

I’ll post my thoughts on the remaining series sometime tomorrow.

For now, this is lolikappa, signing off, underlings.

.lolikappa

The archetypical trio.

I took it upon myself to check out the first episode of “educational” anime Chu-Bra after reading about it on Chocolate Syrupy Waffles blog. The screenshots seemed titillating and the descriptive jabs hinted at aspects of “so-bad-it’s-good.” Too bad I missed the memo about this show’s characters being in the seventh grade.

I deleted the episode in such a hurry that I wasn’t even able to take screenshots. The above is pilfered directly from the aforelinked blog post (thanks, Jubbz!), and is used here only for illustrative purposes.

For the uninformed, Chu-Bra is a show about a chick in the seventh (7!!) grade with tits as large as her malformed anime head. She and her asshole troll classmate from elementary school decide to stalk the class cum dumpster, only to discover that said cum dumpster isn’t a cum dumpster at all but an underwear beta tester! They befriend her, and she gropes them.

The moral of the story seems to be that if a seventh grader looks and acts like a prostitute, she isn’t one.

… riiiiight.

Anyhoo, I am dropping this show like the train-planes dropped cubes of bombs in Casshern. Good riddance.

Here’s what I watched today:

1. Queen’s Blade 12.

I wondered why this was so bad until I realized I was watching it at 1x instead of 2 or 3x as I usually do bad shows like these. Damn this was painful. Gotta love Nowa, though. Anyhoo, I’d celebrate the conclusion of another terrible series, but there’s gonna be another season! I’m a glutton for punishment, as one of my older brother’s coworkers said the other day.

2. Queen’s Blade Special 1.

I jizzed in my pants… for values of “jizz” equal to “vomit” and values of “in my pants” equal to “all over.”

3. Clannad: Another World, Kyou Chapter

Once again, Tomoya is made shallower such that he can hook up with a girl in the space of two minutes’ worth of montage. Once again, teenagers are melodramatic. Once again, there is a happy ending. Though this episode focused on Kyou, I’m sure Captain Miao is seething—her thighs didn’t feature much. All in all, a bit of a waste of time, though you gotta love Kyoto Animation’s signature stumbling rainy tears.

Apologies for the lack of screencaps. I deleted all three of the above abominations from my computer before I decided to blog them.

Briefly, on the topic of what I’ve been watching recently…

- I started both Touka Gettan and Haibane Renmei. I expect to enjoy both, in different ways. I’ll keep you all updated on how that goes.

- Eden of the East I’m at 5/11 on, and will finish once the opportunity arises (I’m waiting for SAKI to get some free time so we can watch it together).

- Sengoku Brosara is proving to be total shit, but it’s been fun to laugh at the ridiculousness. Unfortunately, starting with Azai’s death the fun factor all but disappeared. Kinda lame. I’ll finish this sometime but it’s not a huge priority…

- Haruhi Hog Summer is repulsive beyond belief. I already could barely stand episode two, stating that it was a worse waste of time than watching Queen’s Blade, and then lolikappa gave me the inside scoop on episode three. Seriously, Kyoto Animation? Go die. Now. Whores.

Eventually I’ll make some progress on the shows I’ve had on hold for a long time: Skip Beat, Mouryou no Hako, Michiko to Hatchin, Zettai Shounen, Kurozuka, Mahou Tsukai ni Taisetsu na Koto: Natsu no Sora, and A Certain Magical Index. I’m also going to rewatch more Aria soon; you can expect some feedback on all of the above at some point, even if it’s not in much depth.

Things I’m not looking forward to: A Certain Scientific Railgun, Darker than Black 2. Both are abominations of the mind. Aberrations as it were. Do. Not. Want.

Finally, I’ve got my netbook, a sexy Dell Mini 10 that had some issues running Jaunty initially but is now puttering along just great with stellar battery life and an amazingly usable keyboard. If I get Ren’py onto the thing, I might be able to work on my VN on the go, which would greatly increase the chances of a v0.05 sometime this summer!

Time for some anibloggerality:

Munto sucks as of episode 7; Kyoto Animation turned the once-intriguing Yumemi into a puddle of moe moe jelly and basically sexified everything. lelangir approved; I just want more Gass. Too bad the guy’s dead because he finished pumping his gas. Har. Har. All he wanted to do was BANG BANG take your akuto. *badabum tshhhhhh*

Clannad After Story’s ending is officially balls, I don’t care what the game-playing purists say. Maybe it’s a good adaptation. A good adaptation of shit is still shit. I’m not saying Clannad’s shit, I’m just saying that this scenario is possible. I do know that the execution viewed objectively was weak, and I do know that the ending felt like Mai Hime 26. Only this time there was no Mashiro-chan to fix things, just a loopy plot that somehow had something to do with some nonsensical dreamscape that just didn’t make sense. Also Fuuko is Fffffffffffffffffffuuko. There—you got it, the invective I promised not to deliver.

Anyway, since that’s all the anime I’ve watched recently, I guess I’ll move onto juicier topics like my life. (I’m just too squeezable for my own good. Some might even call me ‘fruity.’)

Yesterday I helped SAKI relocate her bunnies to a new home, if you know what I mean. You probably know what I mean because I mean what I’m saying, and words are words. Which have meanings. Yeah. There was lots of bittersweetness for various reasons, but mostly it was a good day. I read the first chapter of Twilight whilst lingering at SAKI’s place and I must say, it’s a Shaft production waiting to happen. The sickening overabundance of adverbity is not so dissimilar from Shaft’s overabundance of Photoshop filters—meaningless, trite, a disguise that obfuscates none of the shittiness beneath the underneath.

Ate some delicious curry chicken katsu for lunch (apparently, SAKI’s family is more weeaboo FUCKING AWESOME even than I, and as such eats Japanese foods with more regularity than I—which is to say, more than once a year at anime conventions), which was accompanied by several doses of “oh my god I need to not laugh my food across the table.” I hummed some Loituma and got someone else at the table to struggle against the urge to laugh food across the table, and just now I broke the limit of cluttery anti-flow a lolikit can inject into a single sentence and it just keeps going oh my god I’m going to turn into Faulkner at this rate can you believe it? Tick-Tock.

But enough about yesterday—which concluded with a slew of torrenting and taquitos—and onto today. Because apparently, I’m just blogging my life here now or something.

This morning, I attended my philosophy lecture (History of Modern Philosophy, as you might recall from my course list; currently we are studying some B.S. Ethics), and for the first time in a long time I doodled something in my notebook that wasn’t abominable. Well, it might be abominable, but I was not abominated by it. Maybe my standards have fallen. Maybe I was just happy.

After that, I met up with a high school friend back from college on spring break. This was immensely pleasurable, as I missed this friend dearly. She noted that I was more comfortable in my outgoingness than I used to be. This may be the result of my time stuck in a cubicle last semester, or it might be the result of some decking action.

Speaking of decks, could I get some WOWers to level for me? Hurr hurr hurr.

I ate lots of pizza in the company of good friends and then I went home to mom to shit out half my fullness and sleep off the other half. Finally I made it back to the dorms, a place I’d been avoiding for a week as I tended my cat for my out-of-town father, unpacked ten gallons of clothing and damp towels, thought briefly about the fact that I hadn’t watched anime in weeks and how glad I was that I had no idea what the fuck was going on in the aniblogosphere, discovered that ghostlightning’s illustrious blog had attained the coveted 100th post, cursed my fate for now knowing some of what was going on in the aniblogosphere, and subsequently shut myself out of my dormroom, sans computer, in a frantic search for SAKI, who had similarly secluded herself away from a computer.

Apparently, she was in the library stacks on campus, in the deepest and darkest corner of the trollbooth, drawing ambiguously gay porn.

… I love my life.

EDIT: yes, yes, I’ll post her drawings, up in the Rule 34 section, once I feel giving. Right now, I’m not sharing. Use comes before generosity. Now to go fap to my potentially female self…

So it looks like ef ~a tale of melodies~ is going to be the first in a long awaited new series of posts here on Miao on My Mind: A Certain Whoredom Index. Basically, what this means is that ef ~a tale of melodies~ is deep. Like a whore.

Before I go on, I want to make something clear: admittance to the Index is not necessarily bad. “Whore” is usually used as a derogative, but on this site it only means “thing that has some semblance of depth.” You know. Like a standard Kyoto Animation show. Or like Author’s incisive postings. Or like CJ. I could give more examples, but I’d rather add to the Index with further posts. That said, let’s examine our current specimen!

I called it before anyone else! Eat my dust, bitches!

So I was watching episode 3 of ef ~a tale of melodies~, and the OP came up, and I was like “lol” because the OP makes me lol. But then I stopped myself—”lolikit! Get it together! This show is srs fkn bsns!!” And I forced myself to take a second look at what I was watching. One opening of VLC, a shitload of play/pause syncing, and half a minute later, I was looking at the OP sequences of episodes 2 and 3 side by side. As I’d remembered, the OP had once been far more monochrome. It’s got colors now! Lots of them! They clash and look bad!

Shinbo must be up to something!

Furthermore, the girls have faces now. I remember when, in ef ~a tale of memories~, the OP visuals were changed so that the girls were like, no longer chained, or something (I don’t recall all the details, geez). But that was for the last episode, and this is episode three. If the changes were less subtle, I’d guess that the animators finally got comfortable with their budget, but really, it’s just a matter of colorizing something.

I guess another difference is in the amount of text displayed in the background at any given point.

Speaking of text… the text in the last ef’s OP was the text of Chihiro’s novel. What could this OP’s text be? The “policies” of Himura? It’ll be interesting to see where this ef goes, since Kuze seems to be on a 24 hour clock at this point and Himura’s backstory is not cool at all. He’s much better sitting on a church altar playing Isako than he is being angsty about his dead sister. Well. He is better. I’m not sure the plot is. But it’s all questionable either way.

And we’re left wondering, did the lily exploding and fading like a firework inside the dark recesses of Kuze’s mind at 00:26 somehow symbolize his chance at raw sex with Mizuki disappearing as his death draws nearer?

Fear not, Kuze! You can make like Narcissu and disappear into the waves, and then you’ll have no regrets because you didn’t die at home or on 7F.

Lily’s less important than that, right?

Eventually, Mizuki will get over you and begin screwing her love interest’s twin sister. After a couple weeks, Renji will find out and bow out of his relationship with Chihiro like the true wimp he is. Maybe, in desperation, he’ll settle on his mother (whom, incidentally, people seem to be forgetting is just as delicious as Furukawa Sanae). But no matter what happens there, everyone’s happy—including Himura, ’cause he got to send you off with some poorly-pronounced German.

Did I do a good job of presenting an “omg stylistic thingy omg” element, pretending to begin analyzing it, and then launching into rabid fanboyism? A good impression, right? You guys are impressed, right? I could take over for Owen anytime, right?

lol lights don’t work that way and neither do shadows

I have to confess to something shameful—Shirukii’s no-nonsense straighter-than-a-Euclidian-line anime blog has, in fact, affected my sense of humor. I’ll always remember a playful response by one of his readers to a comment by “Raigomaru“—”chickens don’t work that way, and neither does death.”

Alright, that’s all from me for now.

Hopefully that’s all the ef blogging I do for the rest of this season. We really don’t need more pseudo-intellectual elitist pricks around here, right?

In the best interests of the aniblogosphere, I have taken it upon myself to disseminate my awesome vocabulary to you my whores readers. Sit back, repeat after me, and then repeat a second time—out loud, to your mothers. They’ll fall in love with you and want your babies. By the time we’re through all of the at least one hundred lessons, you’ll know how to talk like I. It’ll be awesome. Hopefully you’ll learn some grammar on the side, but it’s okay if you don’t—vocabulary alone allows you to reach level two in Forumwarz.

10. faggerot, noun.
ex. Scientologists are real faggerots, man.

9. faggerjack, noun.
ex. I know a faggerjack; he works hard all day pleasing his teammates.

8. faggerism, noun.
ex. Owen displayed some hardcore faggerism on Sunday.

7. slutcrate, compliment.
ex. Hirano Aya is a slutcrate (she is also an ogre; these balance out).

6. dipfag, noun.
ex. Don’t be a dipfag—use your brain.

5. jason, epithet.
ex. Fucking jason.

4. whore, noun (invisible prefix).
ex. Yes, these are my whores.

3. rebellion, noun.
ex. notdotq of the rebellion

2. anibloggerism, noun.
ex. That’s classified information.

1. schadenfaggen, noun.
ex. Posting chat logs, according to Owen S., is an act of schadenfaggen.

Next week I’ll introduce some verbs, and write up a sample conversation for you to practice with a mirror or a kitten or your best friend’s little sister!

It has come to my attention on a few occasions (Case 1: Lucky Star, Case 2: the ABC) that in this world, there are people who are whores. I am the kind of man who dislikes whores. I have made it my mission to rid this Earth of them, to extinguish their name and to wipe their descriptor from every dictionary of every language. Yes, that is how I wish to be remembered. Pursuant to this goal, I shall first compose a list of whores, such that when I gain the means to exterminate them I will know whom to exterminate.

I’ll start today with a light load—ten whores.

10. My friend KigaMoosh. The whore had a status message on AIM yesterday telling people to go vote for me in the Anime Blog Awards.

9. Kyoto Animation. See above linked “Case 1″ for further information.

All is not well.

8-2. The seven people who voted in the above pictured poll. Miao is a whore; his supporters are whores.

1. CJ Blackwing of THE BEST ROOKIE TEAMBLOG. She’s trying to conduct my campaign for me; in other words, she thinks she’s my wife. She’s actually a whore. I called her this in her comments but she seems like the kind of person who would edit that out in order to not let her friends/mommy see her for what she is. However, I will immortalize the fact with a trackback! WordPress Tiara Magic!

Disclaimer: you’re not actually whores, you’re just “a bunch of emo sluts.”