Everyone knows otou-san is actually ghostlightning, since ghostlightning is now otou-san!

I did some sleuth work—namely, I went into WRL‘s admin panel using digiboy’s account—and I found the following draft (DRAFT!) in the ancient fucker’s post queue.

Proof positive.

This is all part of a ghastly plan!

In early February, ghostlightning will announce the next meatspace get-together for the FAB. lelangir, for whatever reason (probably not in the cloud, hidden deep in ghostlightning’s personal files), will be on the island, and he’ll join them.

Don’t join them, lelangir!

It’s a trap!

You know what they say about self-fulfilling prophecy?

One half of the lead character binary is Kanako: lesbian, tall, tomboy, deretsun for Maria; only becoming insecure (tsun) once her homosexuality is put into question. Her character design and personality remind me of a cross between Yakumo and Tenma. Her external side is amiable, unconfident, pretty darn moe; her internal side is yuri. She contains both the lady-like grace of Yakumo and the horribly klutzy comical antics of Tenma. Her internal/external tendencies can reflect both Maria’s “split” personality and that pleasant Tenma/Yakumo proportion. Maria in fact breaks the fourth wall and calls her out for her lack of verbosity.

The other half of the duo is Maria, the trap. Without drawing needless parallels to Eri Sawachika, it seems established already that Maria is the seme and Kanako the uke. Maria’s façade is humorous enough now that the entire universe has been spoiled of the secret, though it’s the masculinity that is paradoxically accentuated by the feminine appearance, making him much more conniving and serpentine. In some ways he reminds me of Light – not overbearingly GAR but with enough boyishness to possess “best” (or worst?) of both gender.

What’s significant is that the viewer experiences the anime through Kanako – we see her internal monologues. By positioning the viewer “outside” of Maria, [s]he is effectively transformed into the incrementalist, the character that is revealed bit by bit. Reaction porn for some hopeful action porn? I think what this means in the long run is, unless SHAFT starts dealing out paradigm shifts and situating the viewer within Maria’s soliloquies, it will be expected of the viewer to find humor (1) in that incremental revealing of Maria’s secrets and (2) Kanako’s predictable reactions – all the super deformation is reserved for her. The anime, replete with Kanako-colored lenses, establishes a sort of Unlimited Poetic Justice Works: since all of Kanako’s yuri actions are laced with guilt, it’s only natural that we expect Maria to backlash with hypocritical masochism (HUH?).

Anyway, this show is really hilarious! Its comedy does not downplay at all the yuri, and even if you DO NOT WANT trap, you’re basically forced to temporarily forget about it because we’re observing Maria via Kanako. Kanako the flaming lesbian.

Final verdict: if you liked the characterizations in School Rumble, the yuri/catholic(?) themes in Strawberry Panic, and SHAFT’s crazyness, you will definitely enjoy Mariaholic. [note: I did not catch a lot of marimite in here - marimite isn't really even indirectly satired.]

BTW, 100^th post, dedicated to lolikitsune, mai dear waifu.

Does he not know? I’ve been waging this war on my own for years.

Here you can see DS’s original post, annotated by yours truly.

FUCK REVOLUTIONS, I WANT TO LIVE

DS says some big things, and he’s pretty vehement, but personally, I’m not entirely convinced. This is a new stance, and he has just about no experience dealing with bad anime (maybe he can see Haruhi’s shores from his back porch). I, as someone with a long history of battling anime, would prefer it if someone with more dedication were to take command.

I’m not going to say that I am most fit for this role—I know there are haters greater than I—but I would expect someone with at least half as many credentials to step up to the plate (as opposed to someone with none). Without further ado, I present unto you my credentials:

Exhibit A
Exhibit B

While Exhibit B is an example of my level-headed approach toward serious topics, it is still a commentary on how fucking bad some shitty anime can be. Read it at least three times—it’s deep.

Exhibit C
Exhibit D
Exhibit E
Exhibit F
Exhibit G
Exhibit H
Exhibit I

Sometimes, as exhibited by Exhibit I, I can be an concise anime hater.

Exhibit J
Exhibit K
Exhibit L
Exhibit M
Exhibit N
Exhibit O

In before “fuck anime, I want to live”—Exhibit O is srs fkn bsns, and if you take it lightly then you are just one more growth stemming from the cancer that is killing the aniblogosphere and giving a bad name to anime fans everywhere.

Exhibit P
Exhibit Q

Yes, Exhibit Q was, in fact, trolling on my part. Up yours, Owen.

Exhibit R

I stand by Exhibit R to this day.

Exhibit S
Exhibit T

Exhibit T is easily the coolest thing I’ve ever done.

Exhibit U
Exhibit V
Exhibit X
Exhibit Y
Exhibit Z

DS isn’t Kamina, but that’s no reason not to keep rowing. Bad anime is the power and your hatred is a hatred that will—argh, you get the picture.

LET’S GET A LITTLE SACHIKO X YUMI ACTION GOING HERE

LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI
LOLIYURI

LUNCH IN THE ROSE GARDEN?!?!?!!oneoneeleven

It’s been ages since I last blogged trainwreck yuri. How many ages, you ask? Too many (this doesn’t count, because any yuri involving Chikane is automatically excellent). And damn is it good to be back.

I’M REMINDED OF AGONY—SO WHERE’S THE SHELL-MATCHING?

This show isn’t necessarily bad, actually. I just need something to make fun of right now, and Hyakko is too obvious. Toradora! has already been served justice, of course. Now, I’ve not ready any other blogs’ posts on Mouryou no Hako, aside from taking one glancing blow of a look at some post that accused someone of accusing the show of sucking. In other words, I have no idea what the “community sentiment” is. CJ Blackwing told me to watch this and mellow_bunny told me to blog this. That’s all there is to it.

KANAKO BEAM

As for any “real” thoughts I have regarding this show, well. I really did laugh a little when I saw Kanako reading on their date (and immediately remembered Lovely Kitsune’s post, and immediately needed to follow mellow_bunny’s advice). I really was amused by our heroine’s reactions to things and her gradual spiral downward into the sea of oblivion insanity. On the other hand, the show did pique my curiosity: I’m interested to find out what the hell is up with the talking heads in boxes, and stuff. Looks like yuri subplot isn’t over yet because the ED is an endless ring of naked girls, so maybe it’s not actually a subplot.

halo thar, MY NAME IS MR. COCKBLOCK

On the other hand, I absolutely cannot bring myself to care about our heroine (or her fuck buddy). Neither displays any substantial character prior to existing as nothing but insane lesbians. Neither is especially sympathetic, nor is either unsympathetic enough for me to care. They’re just sorta there, dancing under the moonlight.

And I guess that’s okay. Just, not the makings of an awesome yuri.

Buuuut it looks like we’ll be seeing more of this detective guy, and it looks like he might be more of a main character ultimately than our moon-crossed crazies, so things might turn out alright. The show also has a chance to become fucking awesome. Check out this line of events:

1. our heroine cooperates with Detective’s investigation
2. Kanako’s servant/brother/whoever Mr. Cockblock is knows Kanako’s secrets
3. Mr. Cockblock, in order to protect Kanako’s honor, kills our heroine
4. Mr. Cockblock and Detective have hot buttsex

PLEASE BE GENTLE—T-TOO ROUGH!!

The many faces of Kusumoto.

I CAME A LITTLE, THEN I REMEMBERED YAMI TO BOUSHI TO HON NO TABIBITO. I CAME AGAIN.

HERDING LILIES IS DANGEROUS WORK, BUT ONE LILY FOLLOWS ANOTHER LILY

Would I recommend this show to the casual viewer? Too early to tell. The possibilities seem endless. This could be a really interesting detective story or a really bad story about unrequited love, suicide, paranoia, and rebirth as your lover (again, Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito parallels). There are other directions it could go, too. /me shrugs

I’ll have fun blogging this until I stop having fun with it, I suppose.

Any other shows I should be blogging regularly? Let me know in the comments.

The first third of Iriya is far superior to the first third of Saikano

Karmaburn’s latest post deftly dodges the truth of “would you like to lick them?” in order to jump on the convenient “Saikano is emo fail” bandwagon. While Saikano is far from perfect in the eyes of those not ready to abandon themselves to its emotional Amusement Park, we must keep in mind that Iriya no Sora was dictionary-definition trash. It had two good scenes (maybe three if you still care about the show at the end). Rather, I might call it the Strawberry Panic to Saikano’s Maria-sama ga Miteru.

Back in the day, there was this show called Strawberry Panic, and it was fun to mess around and point out all the places where it had borrowed heavily from previous series. These days it seems like nothing is original. At all.

Macross F? Code Geass R2? More like, Macross (variable) and NGE.

What’s new? Where is it?

And why does the repetition suck?

Majime na Lolikit
How Aria Ruined Subtext, or Why Yuri Isn’t Funny Anymore

In early 2005, I finished watching AIR. At the time, I was active on the AnimeSuki.com forums (handle: Broken), and was active in discussing the episodes as they were aired and fansubbed. In the AIR episode 12 thread, someone linked to lovelykitsune.com‘s special feature. LK had written Misuzu’s final diary entry for her. I laughed my ass off and proceeded to read through the rest of his archives. I gobbled up his Maria-sama ga Miteru reviews like candy. It was, as he himself put it, a writer’s gold mine.

Amazed at how humorous this Maria-sama show appeared to be, I downloaded it (along with Negima and Kanon, some of the first anime I consumed after my introduction to the medium via Naruto) and watched it.

I laughed at the subtext and the ridiculous premise (it’s a lesbian Catholic school lolol) but the show simply wasn’t as funny as Lovely Kitsune had portrayed it. Saddened, I groped for a new angle from which to enjoy it, and eventually I found it: I could amuse myself by looking too far into possible subtext and then laughing at how gay everyone was (it’s a lesbian Catholic school lolol). It wasn’t that I was homophobic (those were turbulent times, and I was seriously considering the possibility that I myself was gay—actually, I still don’t have an answer O_o), but the overabundance of this otherness was more than enough to make me chuckle.

After reading Pretty Face (“Become my onee-sama #2!”) and watching such blockbusters as Mai-HiME (ShizNat) and Kannazuki no Miko (best confession scene ever), I found that I liked this ‘shoujo ai’ business quite a bit. They were so cute, and in a lot of cases they were facing adversity in order to stay true to themselves and their hearts.

A lot of the lulz went away, but the yuri goggles remained.

(What am I talking about? The lulz was as strong as ever. I lurked the shoujoai.com forums for a while and witnessed the first ever declaration of YFR—the hilarious forum interchange that led to me creating kyousora.com and infecting the minds of several other anibloggers.)

Eventually I came upon Strawberry Panic. It made me laugh at the yuri because it was laughable. I blame this entirely upon premise and script. Oh, and the over-dramatization of everything. Around the same time, I was just a fledgling aniblogger. I discovered danbooru. I discovered various other things… like Shoujo Sect… long and short of it is that I came to this revelation: yuri is hot!!

Subtext became even more awesome as I tread into the world of AWESOME Nanoha.

Desires were fulfilled as Kyoushiro to Towa no Sora ended.

And after some time, I saw Aria.

You say good things sometimes, Alice!

Aria’s an odd cookie. Almost entirely female cast, lots of deep caring and emotion, and yet not once—not once did I find a hint of girls’ love, subtextual or otherwise. I found sisterly doting, I found friendship, I found admiration.

Please direct your attention, for a moment, toward this post of Erica Friedman’s: Yuri Anime: Aria OAV Arietta (Thanks to icystorm over at Miminum Tempo for the heads’ up.)

I’ve never been a huge fan of Friedman’s. I know she’s done some great work, etc., but one day I stumbled across some Noir review of hers and it made me cringe. Noir wasn’t yuri as far as I could tell. I recall thinking to myself—is friendship such an impossible thing?

This is, for the record, the same reaction several of my classmates had in Bible as Literature when my teacher presented unto them the theory that David and Jonathan were “romantic friends.” So maybe I just had a preconception of Noir since I’d seen it before and might find the romance between Kirika and Mireille if I were to go into the show with Friedman’s review in mind… but there’s still a distinction, I feel, even between:

- romantic friendship

and

- sexuality

I can’t really imagine David and Jonathan going for that hawt hawt butthsekcz. They definitely did seem like more than (contemporary definition of) friends to me, though. The characters in Noir share an incredibly powerful bond; does that mean that they are a yuri couple? I don’t recall any indications that the two of them felt ANY attraction toward each other, physical or mental or otherwise. I was under the impression that they were brought together by the past, or fate, or something dumb like that, and that perhaps the “odd bedfellows” saying applies.

But a yuri couple?

And I say that same thing to Aria, only a million times over.

Creating something, together—possibly the height of human existence.

When I first watched Aria episode two or whichever, the one where Akari sleeps over in Aika’s room, I probably thought something like, “oooo yuri action oh yeah.” I guarantee that by the time I finished season one, such vulgar thoughts had been completely dispelled. When I say vulgar, I am not incriminating yuri—I am incriminating subtext. Sure, it’s there, and I’m sure people can find it (after all, Erica Friedman did!), but what does it add, other than cheap giggles? If it’s not solid, if it’s not canon, it’s only speculation.

Speculation is something that you get fans to do when you try to entice them with fluff (see: Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu). Did Kozue Amano want us to try to figure out which of the Aria girls were getting off on which others’ fingers? For some reason, I doubt it. Did Mag Garden? Please. It’s there, but only if you’ve trained yourself to find it anywhere can you find it in Aria. Subtext can literally be found in everything if you’re well enough trained.

It’s like over-analyzing things.

I’m not trying to be a deconstructionist, I’m just trying to rationalize—what benefit does Aria gain from lesbianism? I found it quite reassuringly non-retarded that the work just about never touched on sexuality (we know Akatsuki is crushing on Akari and that Aika and Harry Potter get together, but even that doesn’t tell us that much) because, from my point of view, sexuality is a fairly boring topic (though this does not mean that I intentionally ignore it). It’s much more interesting for me to focus on the scenery or the messages or the character drama than the possibilities of who’s attracted to whom. Yes, believe it or not, you can have character drama without romance! Alicia and Akari’s tearful hug in Origination 13 was not the culmination of their lust and sexual tension.

gomenasi, for everything gomenasai

Before you say “but it could be!” let me point you to a very similar scene, both in direction and character action: AIR episode 6; Tohno Minagi returns to her mother’s home and the two share a tearful embrace.

The writer(s) behind AIR had serious mom issues, methinks—there’s a bit of a trend here.

(I refuse to believe that Minagi was hot for her mom. If you think that this is a bad comparison becaue she was hot for her mom, please explain to me why and how she is hot for her mom.)

And because there is nothing explicitly stated in Aria, and because I see no sexuality implied in it, I don’t find any lesbians. Whether the characters ARE gay, or straight, or bi, or what have you, is a pointless question: none of the characters are in yuri relationships. You can spend a lifetime speculating about sexuality if you have no solid cues.

The idea of Aria porn makes me uneasy.

The show is too pure for that. Too innocent. Too much about living a certain way. Not at all about whom to do or why.

Similarly, the idea of pairing Aria characters and doing anything in the vein of fanporn unsettles me, be it fanfic or fanart or so much as discussing one’s support for a coupling. Much as Neo-Venezia is a world beyond disease and homicide, it is a world beyond sex. Such thoughts simply don’t exist in Aria. There was never anything about dating or societal pressures to fulfill gender roles and get into certain relationships or making babies or not making babies or defying a conservative society or taking advantage of a liberal one. None of these topics are touched upon, thus furthering the detachment from sexuality.

And with all the unbridled potential for yuri (a full cast of females at the extremes of hot or cute in terms of both appearance and personality), combined with this total absence of sexuality, I have completely lost my drive to examine subtext or find lesbians in anime.

I don’t see the point anymore.

Why seek cheap laughs or pursue fetishes when something so perfect, so pure, so devoid of questions exists? Aria is the end-all be-all of my anime experience, and it has vanquished my love for yuri. It has vanquished my love for giggling childishly at possibilities.

Aria killed subtext.

And one last note, in case any staunch Aria yuri fans are reading this:

If Akari and Alicia were in a lesbian relationship, would Alicia have left to go get married to some other person? Alicia is mature. She doesn’t need to graduate schoolgirl lesbianism.