I was ready to Disappear into the Summer, but lelangir sucks at improv. Three simple letters—a “w,” a “u,” and a “t”—informed me that either my attempt at humor was, as drmchsr0 might say, a poor imitation of my past self, or that the ‘sphere just wasn’t ready for a Second Ascension.

But what really triggered me to end this sham was the following post from CCY: K-ON! Is a Lot Like a Little Sister. Not because it made me laugh nor because it made me cry, but because it was so goddamn stupid to the point of becoming an instant classic.

Really, Senpai-kun? Really?

In a world where there is so much strife, so much unwarranted competition, such rife capitalism, so much disease, so many religious faggerjacks, and so little money, you’re worrying about K-ON!’s quality?! My bad. He has stopped worrying about K-ON!’s quality.

Actually, I didn’t read the fucking post. Knowing CCY, and knowing his opinion of Lucky Star, I know that reading the post would send me into a frothing fit of fury.

But one thing in the introductory paragraph stood out to me:

Even though I would love to return to the spotlight at the same time as lolikitsune, acting as his most disturbing senpai, the words aren’t flowing yet.

Pictorial evidence, Exhibit A:

Apparently, the “L” in “LK” is the better half.

But now isn’t the time to poke fun of Senpai’s CSS. Who the fuck cares if his text floats all over the place? I sure as hell don’t. The “point” here, as Kero would say, is that CCY thinks I’m making a return to the spotlight. Am I? I don’t even know! But I’ll keep playing this idiotic game as long as you morons keep inflating my ego with your comments, your tweets, your blog posts, your prayers.

So I’m back now? Fuck if I know. I’ll hedge this one to the ends of the earth.

What did you just mouth, Jim? I need to post about anime in order to be back? Ffffffffff. Well, I guess I’ll make a token attempt in order to please Senpai.

Guin Saga: Plus: pretty backgrounds. Con: Lemus. Reminiscent of: Jyu Oh Sei x Shadow Warrior Chronicles. Dropped after one episode.

Hanasakeru Seishounen: Plus: pretty boys. Con: ugly girls. Reminiscent of: Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito (I think it was the big cat on a tropical island). Dropped after five minutes. I couldn’t even make it to the pretty boys =(

Valkyria Chronicles: Plus: short skirts. Con: idiotic characters. Reminiscent of: Violinist of Hamelin. Tentatively watching.

Sengoku Basara: OH MY GOD SHIT’S SO REAL!!

That’s about it for anime.

Oh, and while I’m alive, let’s clear something up for newcomer Mori. Jim, bring up the Twitter.

The good doctor, Moritheil, is none other than moi même: Dr. lolikitsune, with Ph.D. in lolikitean, trolling, and good taste.

In final news: my legendary PR guy is talking to me again?! I doubt I’ve done anything right, so I’m just writing him down as a mindless Watchmen fanboy.

[canned introduction] Maria-sama ga Miteru: a show about disgustingly rich girls attending a private school that at once shields them from the harshness of reality and subjects them to the darkest, most horrific thing a girl could go through: romantic friendship with other girls! [/canned introduction]

As DiGiKerot pointed out, there’s a lot wrong with this new season of Maria-sama ga Miteru. This isn’t limited to the OP song change, or to the running in the OP sequence. This episode sees the *gasp* introduction of apparently heterosexual men! In my Hanadera Academy? Obviously it’s more likely than I thought—I would have said the chances were 0%.

Spiral power? “Your sexy lesbian is a sexy lesbian that can pierce the gay man’s gayness?” I don’t even know!

Anyway, this episode sees us approximately one year after the events in episode one of season one. The school festival is coming up, and Lillian Jougakuen’s Yamayurikai is once more holding a play. Once more, the boys from sister gay school Hanadera Gakuen are participating. Once more, there’s some tall, dark, and bishoujo girl bitch who hates men and wants out. Once more, Yumi is given the task of making everything work out.

By the way, Kanako. You want Yumi to remain an angel?

Protip: People die when they’re killed.

Crazy Sachiko, in classic Crazy Sachiko style, informs the actors that the girls and boys will be switching roles. Well, she’s gotten better about gender issues in the last year (remember her moaning about how evil men were?), but this kind of blunt trolling isn’t very attractive. At first Yumi is displeased with her onee-sama’s decision, but then she decides to take it like a good little walking vagina when said onee-sama melts her with her eyes.

Shirukii is also on board with Sachiko’s “meaningful” expressions.

“Rape is imminent.”

In between the Yamayurikai practicing the play and Shimako training her new dog, Yumi has some flashbacks of when she became Crazy Sachiko’s petite soeur. We get some nice piano version of Pastel Pure that almost makes up for the new OP, and… Yoshino suggests that Yumi have a nice anniversary with her onee-sama. I’m starting to see eye-to-eye with IcyStorm here; Yoshino rocks. “Nice anniversary?” Roses, chocolates, a fancy dinner, and a hotel room.

The fanfiction writes itself!

In any event, Crazy Sachiko clearly remembers what day is coming up. She’s got her rape mask on.

Later on, Yumi and Touko are having some problems with their relationship. Thankfully Yumi has learned the lessons taught by Rainy Blue and confronts Touko directly, making a big fuss in front of the Yamayurikai’s sex chapel.

As the school watches in horror, Yumi trills “Ano (Tou)ko wo Rape.”

Now that Maria-sama ga Miteru is current again, I should really do some YFR fic of it, huh?

The stage was set. The metools painted a rainbow over Lillian’s entryway and the Yamayurikai took to the sky in kaiawase formation. Who will profit? Who will get sexxings? Who will make my next blog post funny? So many questions, and a whole another week until episode two…

(The emo girl was emo, but such is the lot in life for those who fall in love with DEAD PEOPLE WHO WERE KILLED. OH EM GEE.)

Fuck Yesssssssssss

Toward the end of the episode, we are informed that Rosa Gigantea is coming back for the school festival. The possibilities are endless. Personally, I’m hoping for the “Sei surprise-sexes Yumi while Yumi is waiting for Sachiko to meet her for their after-festival anniversary-celebratory make-out session” route. Other lovely possibilities include a threesome, an overly-dramatic scene with humongous sexual tension, and a tennis match.

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Visual metaphor for sex. *nod nod*

The final episode of ef ~a tale of melodies~ will have a place in my memories for years to come, I believe. Not because it was touching nor because it was a good closing episode, but because it was so goddamn stupid to the point of becoming an instant classic.

Hi Yuuko, I have some freshly-baked cheese tarts for you…

I’m still in shock because I can’t believe how everything fell into place for this episode. Apparently, Yuu and Yuuko have some problems with their relationship, which drive Yuu over the edge by the end of the episode. Only in Japan, only in anime, and only on a White Christmas can something like this happen without somebody stopping for a moment and saying,

“Yuuko. You’re dead.”

Fortunately, Yuu said…

“Naw, fuck that. Long drawn-out delusions within the boundaries of my own mind can resolve any issue between the living and the dead better than actually believing in God long enough to accept a miracle. The longer I keep my delusions to myself and the harder I rape Yuuko’s illusion, the sooner Yuuko will unspill ink on herself and be alive again! Then she’ll realize that she was wrong and go on a date with me to the school rooftop.”

… and thus a legend is born.

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWthetic

Apparently, angels are petty creatures with human emotions. Never saw that in what of the Old Testament I read for my Bible As Literature class, but then again, this is me we’re talking about. Everyone knows I fail at critical thought and analysis!

So yeah—Amamiya Yuuko is an angel, complete with wings and shit, and she’s hanging onto Yuu’s hand and crying like a slut who wanted the stranger she met in that one bar to use a rubber. I never had much faith in Christianity, and this show isn’t doing a whole lot to change that. It clearly isn’t trying too hard, because I’m totally receptive to messages taught by anime.

It’s funny because in the end the show carries the same overall upbeat message as, say, World Destruction or Clannad: “everything will be alright.” “Hope is all you need.” “The future is bright.”

So after a very “real” first season, ef took a turn for the ludicrous. Everyone knows that hope and friendship don’t actually exist. Angels? Pffft. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

This was when I realized that Yuuko was an angel and not the dead Yuuko’s twin sister or something. I mean, come on. This is ef we’re talking about.

I didn’t expect Clannad-level supernatural bullshit to blindside me like this!

I WON’T LET YOU TAKE THIS TRUTH FROM ME!!

Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki. You rocked hard for most of the show once I got over the fact that you’re way too… uh… ebullient and futuristic, I guess.

And then you said this line.

And you know what I thought to myself?

“This girl would get along well with Lelouch Lamperouge.”

Seriously, Mizuki. What the fuck were you smoking when you spouted that shit?! It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not true. And no—Yuu’s smile does not make it true! Fuck you and your “logic.” I can just see you now, smiling and wagging your tail.

“But if you accept my theory, it proves itself!”

Fuck you, Mizuki. Fuck you.

ef ~a tale of melodies~ went just as planned, and that means that it had some really awesomely-presented scenes, some idiotic drama, and lots of assorted idiocy as the icing on the cake. Nothing could adhere better to the expectations of its fans.

Merry fucking Christmas.