Lolikitean Christmas continues. The anime of the day is Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai, AKA The Mouthful.

Ano Hana (2011-04-14)

Description

Six childhood friends grew apart in high school. One of them is Jintan, now a shut-in. He gets a request to fulfill a wish for Menma, the only one of their friends to have stayed the same over the years. In order to grant her wish, he will have to find and reunite their old friends.

Links: Official ANN

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Can’t blame Jinta for remembering love.

…

…

Even if I mostly remember wanting to punch Menma in the face.

Thanks.

EDIT: IT WAS SHANCE UGHHH

But with these latest [blog posts about OreImo], I am seriously considering ragequitting the animehedron. Its motives are so obvious, it always resorts to the same arguments, and the writers are so annoying! The first 3 years really did show a lot of promise though, so I’m going to give it another week and see.

What a fucking pansy. I’m gonna show him how it’s done.

/rapequit

“What did we do to deserve this shit?”

I’ve said my bit about the flaws in the show. I won’t repeat myself here. But I am amused. Not because the show made me laugh. Not because the show made me cry. Nor, in fact, because the show was so goddamn stupid to the point of becoming an instant classic.

Rather, because the aniblogosphere is so incredibly predictable.

It’s like, seriously, guys? Are we so important? (Oh, right, bloggers, n.—self-important egomaniacal masturbators) If there’s a chance to rage, we rage. If there’s a chance to mock others for raging, we mock others for raging. Everyone sits on their own high horse, be it moral (“I can’t stand incest! I thought this show was above that!”), aesthetic (“I can’t stand Kirino! I thought she was better than bitchdere!”), or meta (“I can’t stand these other bloggers! I thought they would manage to keep their heads on!”).

As OreImo’s fourth episode proliferates its scars across the aniblogosphere, we’re rapidly turning into a cavalry regimen.

And I?

I stand proudly with my feet each on the saddle of two separate horses, wielding my axe high above my head. “Bring it,” cries the the good doctor, “show me one of you to rise above this pointless bickering!” I watched, I waited. Forty-eight painful hours passed by. And finally, at long last, a challenger stepped forward: someone who promised change, someone who expressed disdain on the meta-anibloggery level, someone who ostensibly sought to rise above the “shitstorm.”

And that challenger’s name was Valence.

mmm graphs

He laughed, he cried, he pointed out the idiocy. Here we have a man truly touched by the full gamut of animemotions! Both accepting his annoyance with the show and his undying love for it, he indicated the irony inherent in his own stance. And to top it all off, he did this all by applying graphs to the show.

I think the crowning grace of this post is that in the same single image he damned OreImo, penning a discomfort index, and made an extremely derpy concession: note where the fanservice scene lies. Yes. That’s right. A local minimum in the discomfort index.

Beautiful.

Truly a scholar and a pervert, Valence sets an example for the enti—

What?

The post continues beyond the image? Wait a sec…

Before you accuse me of being a hypocrite, I admit, this post sounds critical, I know. But what I want is for everyone to just relax.

You can flame each other once the show is over.

What the fuck is that?

Qualifying beyond qualification, equivocating beyond equivocating, hedging beyond the hedge. “Before you call me a hypocrite, I know I’m a hypocrite!” … isn’t that hypocrisy ‘sono mono’ ? Jeez. So much for Valence’s valence.

One potential messiah debunked and defenestrated, the good doctor returns to waiting. He sits. He waits. He sits. He waits. Will another challenger appear? One who will unite the aniblogosphere behind a banner of #animehipster uncaring, one who will bring irony and justice but most of all ironic justice to bear in our eternal fight against the chilling effects of the eternally raging shitstorm?

In simpler terms, “can’t we all just get along?”

Valence betrayed us by putting an expiration on his proposed truth. We can attack each other to our heart’s content once the show is over. Sounds like American politics: “just wait a bit longer…”

Can we all just get along?

No.

And I, Dr. lolikitsune, am perfectly fine with that.

KIRABOSHI~★

No, no, wait: Shin is not proud at all. Fuck you, Kyousuke, for being a total fucking dumbfuck in this episode. Why do you manhandle for your father? I was surprised he didn’t floor you sooner, you aggressive piece of shit.

More seriously, though, my suspension of disbelief fell through this time. Kyousuke’s behavior was outrageous, and I couldn’t construe an implicit backstory that allowed his father to take him seriously. The entire time I wondered why oyaji didn’t just burst out laughing, because that’s what I was doing. Then again, it was 4:30 in the morning and I was tripping balls.

P.S.

Kirino is pretty much the hottest character in any anime this year after Hirasawa Ui.

It’s an opportunity to reinforce ignorance.

Reverse Thieves read Kodomo no Jikan and Scott reads Yaoi. If you want a lolicon manga that touches on taboos but delivers a touching and meaningful story nonetheless, KnJ is not the right way to go. Sure it’s got some DRAMA in it but it’s mostly comedy and fanservice. It’s not going to convert lolicon haters. Similarly, manga chock-full of gay rape isn’t going to sit well with someone who hates… gay rape.

I’m not saying it’s bad to challenge your dislikes. I recently managed to make myself enjoy avocados and mushrooms, and I wouldn’t have come this far if I hadn’t forced myself. But my attitude approaching mushrooms wasn’t “fuck, I hate mushrooms… I really fucking hate mushrooms… fuck, I really fucking hate mushrooms… maybe there’s some chance I’ll like this mushroom more than the last, but it’s extremely unlikely… FUCK I fucking hate mushrooms.” It was more like, “hmm, I hate mushrooms—but I want to change that. Other people like this shit. Other people enjoy this shit. Why do I hate it?”

So while eating the vile fungus I taught myself to contemplate why exactly I disliked mushrooms. Once I figured out that there was no good reason, I began liking them more. Same with avocado.

Same with anime.

I used to be horribly prejudiced against any show that featured space. So much so that I refused to watch more than five episodes of Cowboy Bebop, back a few years ago when it was within my grasp. After a while, I came to terms with the fact that my hatred was irrational, and I overcame it, and all was well with Infinte Ryvius, Starship Operators, etc., through today’s Tytania.

So I think that Scott’s challenge is flawed.

The approach is all wrong, in my most humble opinion.

But all this is backstory.

Here we get to the interesting part: Scott’s blog post is, for lack of a better word, wanting. He calls rape a horrible plot device (which I disagree with). He says that yaoi can only be a guilty pleasure no matter who’s watching (which I disagree with, as someone who enjoys (without guilt!!) just about any romance, regardless of who the participants are). He blames his prejudice on his upbringing (again, I disagree—humans are free to feel however they want about whatever they want, and one’s upbringing is merely a nest from which to soar after spreading one’s wings). These are three big errors. His biggest error? He has his comments closed.

That’s right. If you want to weigh in on the stuff he writes, you need to resort to pre-WWW technology (e-mail).

There are other people who do this, but it’s not so much a problem there because their sites are less interesting. (j/k Author, <3 u) My main issue here is that Scott says interesting things, things that beg for discussion, and he shuts that discussion down before it can even come to be. But, I’m a whore. So I let him ram his method into my ass, and I e-mailed him.

Below is my e-mail. Scott had a fairly negative reaction to it, saying that I acted like an asshole, so for the sake of clarity I have identified all the contents of my e-mail as either me being an asshole or me being something else.

Now, the only two places that can feasibly be construed as me being an asshole are circled. I sheepishly admit that I did not address my latter properly (it should have been “Dear Scott:”, and I opted for a more friendly approach). I also proudly admit that I didn’t use euphemisms to cover up my opinion of his statement regarding the viability of rape as a plot device. Both of these circled spots are marginally rude. Scott, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.

And now, apologies out of the way, I’m done with being sorry.

I’m not going to paste Scott’s e-mail here (my PR guy taught me not to do shit like that), but I will discuss its contents.

First, he says that I have a bit of an attitude problem. I’d say that that’s not news to me, but it actually is. You’re talking about the guy being inappropriately revered for laying the verbal smackdown on random e-passersby. I have a huge attitude problem (yes I am compensating for something). The other shocking thing that Scott says is that he doesn’t appreciate my attitude. The man loves Kodomo no Jikan and he doesn’t like my attitude? Shocking!

He then gives me advice: he tells me not to call people idiots (something I didn’t do in my e-mail) and he also tells me not to tell people that I find their websites boring. Well, fuck. I can’t tell him that his website is boring to me, but he can tell me that my sexuality is abhorrent to him?

He goes on to say that he disagrees with me (without any discourse) and finishes by telling me that I shouldn’t bother with that second e-mail, oh and by the way he’s blocking me on Twitter and putting my e-mail address on his blacklist. I thought that he was a pretty censor-loving guy when I discovered that his comments were closed, but this is straight-up self-delusion and isolation from reality! Refusing communication altogether, boxing oneself up…

Scott of The Anime Almanac is an adversary of freedom.

Scott of The Anime Almanac is Public Enemy #2.

P.S. his post was the best possible advertisement for Gerard & Jacques. I will make it my new goal in life to go out, purchase, and consume as many volumes of this masterpiece as I possibly can.

Fuck.

Well that’s just fabulous. So what I thought I’d do was, I’d stop my “Rage Against The Jason” long enough to pull some kind of “hahaha just kidding!!” gag. Figured it’d be funny. Figured it’d be hiiiiilarious. The plan was simple: I’d rename notdotq “Miao on My Mind,” I’d float my layout down a river of jasonisms, and then I’d ride on the wave of my readers’ cum.

The plan was, as stated, simple. And so I executed it flawlessly.

I renamed notdotq “Miao on My Mind.”

I floated my layout down a river of jasonisms.

But.

I guess that there was a hidden “???” step I missed out on, though, because my plan has gone horribly wrong. I’m not profiting. If anything, my coffers are being depleted. Rapidly. If this goes on much longer, I will lose all means of waging war against the monster. I will lose… everything.

As we speak, I’m rowing and rowing against the river of jasonisms I myself caused to spring forth from the metaphorical spring. It’s like my month’s work has become an oppressive power, and I find myself forced by my morals and learning to fight it.

Fuck.

This is my “remorse” face pose.

I know what I did wrong. It’s the inside jokes. I left them open to interpretation, to those of you who weren’t familiar with them. You might not have understood that my use of “oh geass no” in a recent post was my attempt at lampooning Jason for his idiocy. In fact, you didn’t. You thought that my alleged “love” for Jason was true, that it was real. You probably thought you could reach out and touch it, and you probably did reach out, and you probably touched something.

The truth is that I have, in my attempts at satire, in my attempts at parody, in my attempts at destruction, legitimized idol-worship of Jason Miao.

This is Jason raping me and, by extension, the entire EL aniblogosphere.

I will never forgive myself.

Look at Oi, Hayaku! It’s this shit-awful team aniblog that sprung up a little over a month ago. Its pretentious-as-all-fuck prima donna ringleader, Riex, has promised us an “aniblogging revolution.” He promised us a new era, and above that he promised us awesome. He assembled a kick-ass score of gifted writers. Unfortunately, all but one of these were aware of how much Jason Miao blows.

I can only guess that, being the enlightened individuals they are, Riex’s bitches took it upon themselves to read my blog when researching the ‘sphere. It’s a beacon of intelligence, after all, right? Fuck.

And what did they take away? They took away that Jason Miao is the end-all, be-all of anibloggerality and that his method is a method that will pierce the drivel of the modern aniblogging scene. Oh, how wrong. Oh, how misled. Jason Miao’s methods won’t call in a new era. Jason Miao’s methods won’t change anything for the better. Jason Miao is a staple of the old-age aniblogosphere, the one-time tyrant of Blogsuki, the desecrator of good shows and proponent of filth. Jason Miao is a demon, and following in his footsteps is like being the confessor to his Zange-chan. Using his forced memes is like being the art club to his Nagi-sama.

This is what’s happening, and it’s not even behind the scenes.

I’m not trying to say anything bad about Oi, Hayaku. They’re good people. I know that the harsh logorrhea is flowing, but that’s just my mood.

I’m not trying to say that Oi, Hayaku has nothing to offer to the ‘sphere. As I said, it’s more full of good writers than your mom’s vagina is of flutes.

Oi, Hayaku could indeed be great.

But not like this.

And I’m a nice guy. Like Akari, I’m wishing for your happiness. I want Oi, Hayaku to succeed. I want it to revolutionize the aniblogosphere. I want it to rock hard. So I’ll give the fellows over there a piece of advice: it’s not too late. You can still turn back.

beanbrew. Maggeh. However many others of you think that jasonisms are all the rage.

Fuck, I don’t care who you are.

Don’t feed the monster.

Others and I worked our fingers to the bone breaking his hegemony in June 2006. Hung of BasuGasuBakuhatsu and AnimeNaNo is the main star to thank, what with making Blogsuki useless. But there are dozens. Drm and tj han, who stood up to the abuse they and others received. Corydorf, who encouraged me to wage my all-out war against the then-Anime on My Mind. Everyone who made fun of Jason in IRC. Everyone. Everyone worked together, as a team, to defeat the beast.

tj han fields tripeman against jason

And we succeeded. The community thrived outside of Jason’s grasp. We made a world where new anibloggers could set up their sites without knowing about Jason.

And now, more than two years later, those new anibloggers, in their ignorance, are about to be the Hebrews to my God—they’re going to ignore my warnings, my words of wisdom, and they’re going to worship false idols. The message of this paragraph is not that anyone should worship me. It just seems like it is. Seriously. I’m almost writing stream of consciousness here. Why all the punctuation? Shit, man. I think in punctuation.

Anyway.

Don’t do this. You don’t need to. You can find your own funny, and you can use it to power a new generation in the aniblogosphere. You don’t need Jason. He’s a blighting influence. Purge him from your systems. (I’m mixing metaphors so fast you’d think this was an alchemist’s NASCAR track!)

How do trains resemble race cars? Let me count the ways…

But. I can’t talk of myself as if I were a saint, or the chemo, or what have you. Oi, Hayaku’s writers beanbrew and Maggeh drew to my attention my most grievous mistake: I took my satire too far. I obfuscated my sarcasm. People took me seriously. They thought I loved Jason. They interpreted my parroting as adulation. Have they not watched the Colbert Report? But I cant blame them for a lack of insightfulness. I can only blame myself for failing to communicate.

I can only blame myself, and ask that the ‘sphere reconsider. That Oi, Hayaku reconsider.

I repeat: it’s not too late.

You can still turn back.

Mid-post Breaking News!
This just in: Otou-san divulges the fact that Oi, Hayaku’s shittiness is all a ploy to put me out of business.

I was going to add, at the end of this post, that I was at least touched that Maggeh imitated me ( Exhibit A :: a recent graph of mine | Exhibit B :: a more recent graph of Maggeh’s ). But now I see. This whole thing was merely a plot to steal my crown? Fuck that shit. Oi, Hayaku must not receive Best Satire or Funniest at ABA 2009. I’m donning my “fuck these shits” outfit.

This is my “fuck these shits” face.

ahhh, satisfaction