Fuck.

Well that’s just fabulous. So what I thought I’d do was, I’d stop my “Rage Against The Jason” long enough to pull some kind of “hahaha just kidding!!” gag. Figured it’d be funny. Figured it’d be hiiiiilarious. The plan was simple: I’d rename notdotq “Miao on My Mind,” I’d float my layout down a river of jasonisms, and then I’d ride on the wave of my readers’ cum.

The plan was, as stated, simple. And so I executed it flawlessly.

I renamed notdotq “Miao on My Mind.”

I floated my layout down a river of jasonisms.

But.

I guess that there was a hidden “???” step I missed out on, though, because my plan has gone horribly wrong. I’m not profiting. If anything, my coffers are being depleted. Rapidly. If this goes on much longer, I will lose all means of waging war against the monster. I will lose… everything.

As we speak, I’m rowing and rowing against the river of jasonisms I myself caused to spring forth from the metaphorical spring. It’s like my month’s work has become an oppressive power, and I find myself forced by my morals and learning to fight it.

Fuck.

This is my “remorse” face pose.

I know what I did wrong. It’s the inside jokes. I left them open to interpretation, to those of you who weren’t familiar with them. You might not have understood that my use of “oh geass no” in a recent post was my attempt at lampooning Jason for his idiocy. In fact, you didn’t. You thought that my alleged “love” for Jason was true, that it was real. You probably thought you could reach out and touch it, and you probably did reach out, and you probably touched something.

The truth is that I have, in my attempts at satire, in my attempts at parody, in my attempts at destruction, legitimized idol-worship of Jason Miao.

This is Jason raping me and, by extension, the entire EL aniblogosphere.

I will never forgive myself.

Look at Oi, Hayaku! It’s this shit-awful team aniblog that sprung up a little over a month ago. Its pretentious-as-all-fuck prima donna ringleader, Riex, has promised us an “aniblogging revolution.” He promised us a new era, and above that he promised us awesome. He assembled a kick-ass score of gifted writers. Unfortunately, all but one of these were aware of how much Jason Miao blows.

I can only guess that, being the enlightened individuals they are, Riex’s bitches took it upon themselves to read my blog when researching the ‘sphere. It’s a beacon of intelligence, after all, right? Fuck.

And what did they take away? They took away that Jason Miao is the end-all, be-all of anibloggerality and that his method is a method that will pierce the drivel of the modern aniblogging scene. Oh, how wrong. Oh, how misled. Jason Miao’s methods won’t call in a new era. Jason Miao’s methods won’t change anything for the better. Jason Miao is a staple of the old-age aniblogosphere, the one-time tyrant of Blogsuki, the desecrator of good shows and proponent of filth. Jason Miao is a demon, and following in his footsteps is like being the confessor to his Zange-chan. Using his forced memes is like being the art club to his Nagi-sama.

This is what’s happening, and it’s not even behind the scenes.

I’m not trying to say anything bad about Oi, Hayaku. They’re good people. I know that the harsh logorrhea is flowing, but that’s just my mood.

I’m not trying to say that Oi, Hayaku has nothing to offer to the ‘sphere. As I said, it’s more full of good writers than your mom’s vagina is of flutes.

Oi, Hayaku could indeed be great.

But not like this.

And I’m a nice guy. Like Akari, I’m wishing for your happiness. I want Oi, Hayaku to succeed. I want it to revolutionize the aniblogosphere. I want it to rock hard. So I’ll give the fellows over there a piece of advice: it’s not too late. You can still turn back.

beanbrew. Maggeh. However many others of you think that jasonisms are all the rage.

Fuck, I don’t care who you are.

Don’t feed the monster.

Others and I worked our fingers to the bone breaking his hegemony in June 2006. Hung of BasuGasuBakuhatsu and AnimeNaNo is the main star to thank, what with making Blogsuki useless. But there are dozens. Drm and tj han, who stood up to the abuse they and others received. Corydorf, who encouraged me to wage my all-out war against the then-Anime on My Mind. Everyone who made fun of Jason in IRC. Everyone. Everyone worked together, as a team, to defeat the beast.

tj han fields tripeman against jason

And we succeeded. The community thrived outside of Jason’s grasp. We made a world where new anibloggers could set up their sites without knowing about Jason.

And now, more than two years later, those new anibloggers, in their ignorance, are about to be the Hebrews to my God—they’re going to ignore my warnings, my words of wisdom, and they’re going to worship false idols. The message of this paragraph is not that anyone should worship me. It just seems like it is. Seriously. I’m almost writing stream of consciousness here. Why all the punctuation? Shit, man. I think in punctuation.

Anyway.

Don’t do this. You don’t need to. You can find your own funny, and you can use it to power a new generation in the aniblogosphere. You don’t need Jason. He’s a blighting influence. Purge him from your systems. (I’m mixing metaphors so fast you’d think this was an alchemist’s NASCAR track!)

How do trains resemble race cars? Let me count the ways…

But. I can’t talk of myself as if I were a saint, or the chemo, or what have you. Oi, Hayaku’s writers beanbrew and Maggeh drew to my attention my most grievous mistake: I took my satire too far. I obfuscated my sarcasm. People took me seriously. They thought I loved Jason. They interpreted my parroting as adulation. Have they not watched the Colbert Report? But I cant blame them for a lack of insightfulness. I can only blame myself for failing to communicate.

I can only blame myself, and ask that the ‘sphere reconsider. That Oi, Hayaku reconsider.

I repeat: it’s not too late.

You can still turn back.

Mid-post Breaking News!
This just in: Otou-san divulges the fact that Oi, Hayaku’s shittiness is all a ploy to put me out of business.

I was going to add, at the end of this post, that I was at least touched that Maggeh imitated me ( Exhibit A :: a recent graph of mine | Exhibit B :: a more recent graph of Maggeh’s ). But now I see. This whole thing was merely a plot to steal my crown? Fuck that shit. Oi, Hayaku must not receive Best Satire or Funniest at ABA 2009. I’m donning my “fuck these shits” outfit.

This is my “fuck these shits” face.

One day I’m in DotQ‘s admin panel by chance and I see a new comment in moderation. This is pretty infrequent (as noted here, I’m even more unpopular now than I was half a year ago so it’s like, negative comments time), so I’m curious and I investigate. Lo and behold, it’s a pingback! On the Night Switch page! From… Sixten?!

And I’m like, “whoa!” I’m like, “since when did people I insult acknowledge me?!” I’m like, “doesn’t this guy suck Jason’s cock nightly? Surely he must know to avoid me! How come I’m not IP banned on his site yet? Is there something wrong with his brain? Clearly Jason hasn’t scrambled it enough! Anal penetrations moar plzplzplz!!”

When I was over my initial squeeing, I actually read the post.

(Some more serious and respectful comments on his post can be found in a post on Dreams of the Quill that I’m writing at the same time as I’m writing this. Seriously. This post isn’t my official response to Sixten’s post, it’s just classic notdotq-style vitriol and idiocy.)

Upon reading, I immediately become livid. The guy begins his post by not knowing who I am (“he (she?)”), which is unacceptable. He also misspells my handle—”LoliKitsune” instead of “lolikitsune.” He then goes on to namefag me (“I suspect Flak and LoliKit are the same person”), as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. On second thought, I suppose it is natural, for him. After all, it’s his idol Jason who was kind enough to namefag Pete Zaitcev.

Sidenote: I don’t portray myself as a loli kitsune. What’s in a name?

Would not a troll by any other name be as odorous?

Sixten concludes the introduction of his post with a demonstration of his illogic. He “decided it was time to read it” after Flak (I), whom he suspected was lolikitsune (me), posted an idiotic comment on his blog whoring Night Switch. I certainly wouldn’t read anything whored in an idiotic comment by someone who (appears to be) spamming in the name of (important side note: the different handles exist for compartmentalizing of online life and internet spheres, not for tricking people into thinking I’m legion). Even if it had to do with Jason Miao. Never. Wouldn’t happen.

Unless, you know, I was trying to get trolling fodder.

Anyway. After this introduction, Sixten launches into a synopsis of various aspects of Night Switch. He describes the background of the story as he sees it (he’s neither too wrong nor too correct for the summary to be full of idiocy or full of spoilers, respectively), and then has a paragraph for three of the characters in the story, complete with ILLUSTRATIONS.

Yeah right.

There is no way this guy has enough time on his hands to read all of Night Switch, draw pictures, AND blog about it in under twenty hours. That’s right—I made my comment less than twenty hours before this blog post went live. There are two possibilities here: he’s either a liar or a NEET. In the first scenario, he’s actually been reading Night Switch for some time, and the illustrations have been sitting on his computer waiting for the day I would foolishly waltz into his blog and comment. In the second scenario, he actually does have that kind of time on his hands.

But I digress.

(Some of the information in his character descriptions is less than accurate—this is addressed in the aforementioned “official response” on Dreams of the Quill.)

Oddly enough, Sixten’s three selected characters don’t have a 100% overlap with the story’s three main characters. He chose to highlight JTFish’s Pedantic Dachshund character instead of the story’s hero, Amtrak worker and religious fanatic Joe. Well, good on him for ignoring the boring characters I guess. The Geass-toting dog is definitely more interesting than the Tetris-obsessed, people-hating Joe.

Here’s where it gets REALLY good, though: after these summaries of plot and character, Sixten analyzes the story a bit. Here’re some choice quotes:

“Unlike Miao Diary, which is mostly styled after fluff anime, Night Switch borrows plot points from more serious and dramatic shows such as Nanoha and Code Geass.” (emphasis mine)

That’s right. He said it. Well, I can only hope for one thing: that he’s only seen two episodes of Code Geass. Any more than that, and he’s just laughing his ass off at me here. Code Geass? Serious? It’s like he’s calling Night Switch a slapstick routine. (Speaking of which, Suzaku slapped Lelouch’s stick in Episode 24 of R2. That was hot.)

“As LoliKitsune pointed out, Night Switch is better than Miao Diary – it’s not a self-insert, wish-fulfillment, mo√© vehicle like that story featuring Jasmine.”

Here he uses a masterful trolling technique known to inspire Troll’s Remorse in lesser trolls. He turns my own cruelty against me in an attempt to make me regret my callous remarks. Thankfully I’m not susceptible, and I stand by my claims that Miao Diary is nothing more than a more modern Megatokyo (read: horse excrement). But still, it’s the thought that counts, as they say. Sixten really tried to drive it into me here.

“It’s as well-written as Jason’s scripts for Heart’s Content”

A nail in the metaphorical coffin, here he compares the quality of my product to the quality of Jason’s. I’ve read AoMM on and off for three years now (on when I wasn’t banned, off when I was) and I have never thought anything special of Jason’s command of the English language. Now, you might say I’m not one to talk. I’m a high school graduate. My writing is far from what I would call “good.” I don’t grammar well. My active vocabulary is often inadequate. But you don’t need to be a good writer to tell a bad one, and I can tell Jason is bad. Horrendously so.

Actually, if my writing is at the level of his, it might be time for me to pull my Megatokyo move.

/me strips, then reaches for lighter fluid and matches

“f Miao Diary is a strawberry marshmallow, Night Switch is a meal of rice, meat, and vegetables. Read it today for a balanced diet.”

What
the
fuck
is
a
strawberry marshmallow?!

Sigh.

Sixten is a formidable opponent. He even made a cover for Night Switch, pictured below. And of course, it lacks Joe. Poor Joe. Never gets any love. I think that’s why he turned to Jesus.

(That’s right, bitch, I hotlinked that.)

Majime na Lolikit
Sixten, you rock. <3