Anyway… without further ado, let me present to you: Meditations on First Lolicon.

Cast of Characters

でか ルト—a man approaching the limit of being able to call himself “young,” Ruto is an otaku and a NEET. He spends all his time alone in his room, safe within his room; he touches no one and no one touches him. Simon and Garfunkel song lyrics aside, he is a total recluse as far as meatspace is concerned. He has no friends, has no contact with his family, and eats only what food can be ordered online and delivered to his doorstep. Ruto is a lurker in cyberspace, and makes his name only through the number of days in his myanimelist.net account—over nine thousand.

God—a PHLAG, minus the “anime” because she’s (allegedly) real. She resides in Ruto’s closet, though he doesn’t know this because he never turns away from his computer. Her origins are mysterious, the extent of her powers unknown, her motives secret.

The Christian Anime Club—a group of anime watchers who contest Ruto’s discoveries after he publishes them.

The Atheist Anime Club—a group of anime watchers who contest Ruto’s discoveries after he publishes them.

Part 1

Ruto, after witnessing countless arguments between self-branded philosophers on myanimelist.net, decides to seclude himself from the last vestiges of civilization with which he associates himself (MAL and anime), and pursue the truth of the world. Along the way, he becomes good friends with his long-time companions the fridge and the alarm clock, who act as his loyal yes-men. In the end, he discovers the truth—God exists!

Part 2

After Ruto makes his discovery, we get more insight into God, the little girl living in Ruto’s closet. We learn about her backstory; why she’s hiding here, why she ran away from home, what kind of a person she is, and so on. This is done with extensive use of flashbacks and too much exposition.

Part 3

In what amounts to one long Phoenix Wright parody, objections regarding Ruto’s discoveries (which he published on his otherwise unpopulated MAL blog) are raised and responded to. In the end, Ruto runs out of cup ramen and withers away at his computer.

There will be a tearful epilogue in which his computer, a thinking, feeling thing, unfolds its haunches, gets up from its perch, buries the philosopher otaku’s body in a mausoleum constructed of DVD boxes, and then, mistakenly correctly assuming that everything is God’s fault, kills God.

AAAAAND that’s all I’ve got so far, folks. Tell me what you think. Also, if anyone wants to take this up, feel free to, though I will be critical of the style with which you do it (note: style here is synonymous with “classiness”).

Rock!

EDIT: acknowledging that the intellectual masturbation may be lost on some, here’s some context.

Visual metaphor for sex. *nod nod*

The final episode of ef ~a tale of melodies~ will have a place in my memories for years to come, I believe. Not because it was touching nor because it was a good closing episode, but because it was so goddamn stupid to the point of becoming an instant classic.

Hi Yuuko, I have some freshly-baked cheese tarts for you…

I’m still in shock because I can’t believe how everything fell into place for this episode. Apparently, Yuu and Yuuko have some problems with their relationship, which drive Yuu over the edge by the end of the episode. Only in Japan, only in anime, and only on a White Christmas can something like this happen without somebody stopping for a moment and saying,

“Yuuko. You’re dead.”

Fortunately, Yuu said…

“Naw, fuck that. Long drawn-out delusions within the boundaries of my own mind can resolve any issue between the living and the dead better than actually believing in God long enough to accept a miracle. The longer I keep my delusions to myself and the harder I rape Yuuko’s illusion, the sooner Yuuko will unspill ink on herself and be alive again! Then she’ll realize that she was wrong and go on a date with me to the school rooftop.”

… and thus a legend is born.

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWthetic

Apparently, angels are petty creatures with human emotions. Never saw that in what of the Old Testament I read for my Bible As Literature class, but then again, this is me we’re talking about. Everyone knows I fail at critical thought and analysis!

So yeah—Amamiya Yuuko is an angel, complete with wings and shit, and she’s hanging onto Yuu’s hand and crying like a slut who wanted the stranger she met in that one bar to use a rubber. I never had much faith in Christianity, and this show isn’t doing a whole lot to change that. It clearly isn’t trying too hard, because I’m totally receptive to messages taught by anime.

It’s funny because in the end the show carries the same overall upbeat message as, say, World Destruction or Clannad: “everything will be alright.” “Hope is all you need.” “The future is bright.”

So after a very “real” first season, ef took a turn for the ludicrous. Everyone knows that hope and friendship don’t actually exist. Angels? Pffft. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

This was when I realized that Yuuko was an angel and not the dead Yuuko’s twin sister or something. I mean, come on. This is ef we’re talking about.

I didn’t expect Clannad-level supernatural bullshit to blindside me like this!

I WON’T LET YOU TAKE THIS TRUTH FROM ME!!

Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki. You rocked hard for most of the show once I got over the fact that you’re way too… uh… ebullient and futuristic, I guess.

And then you said this line.

And you know what I thought to myself?

“This girl would get along well with Lelouch Lamperouge.”

Seriously, Mizuki. What the fuck were you smoking when you spouted that shit?! It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not true. And no—Yuu’s smile does not make it true! Fuck you and your “logic.” I can just see you now, smiling and wagging your tail.

“But if you accept my theory, it proves itself!”

Fuck you, Mizuki. Fuck you.

ef ~a tale of melodies~ went just as planned, and that means that it had some really awesomely-presented scenes, some idiotic drama, and lots of assorted idiocy as the icing on the cake. Nothing could adhere better to the expectations of its fans.

Merry fucking Christmas.

As I have given myself over entirely to the whoreside, I am now going to be pimping my lolikit Gallery. Any and all fanart of the lolikitsune character/avatar/mascot (whatever you want to think of it as) will be placed on that page. Four things to remember: lolikit’s sex is ambiguous on purpose, lolikit is not necessarily a girl; lolikit always makes a :3 face, until further precedents are set; lolikit can be colored in whatever way you want, there are no canon colors; and lastly, if possible, lolikit should be flipping off the camera.

Knock yourselves out!

Especially… (beware my mad powers of segue) anyone who wants to help CCY-senpai out with his latest undertaking!

	What undertaking?
	His aniblogosphere visual novel!
	Ehh?

Dat’s right.

CCY-senpai is going to be making a visual novel involving the anibloggers you all know and love, and it’s going to rock. He says he’s got grand ambitions, and that it’ll be on a larger scale than Ren’Ai Blogger. In order to accomplish his dreams, reach his goal, and say “gao” for the eleventh time, he’s going to need help from the community. So decreeeth the lolikit.

HOLD IT! I haven’t even decided to go through with this yet!!

Hah! Silly Senpai, I’m making this post in order to force you to do it! Just think about it: once the aniblogosphere as a whole learns of these fanciful ideas, it will band together to become a demanding wannabe consumer—in short, it will thirst for your product. Driven by your greed for recognition, you will deliver. Then I (and my PR guy) will sit back and think to ourselves, “subete wa kukuku keikaku doori.” There will be much delicious caek, and Regional C.O.s around the mind world will fap it.

5:31:43 PM CCY: But hell, art and music are a problem for a different time
5:31:54 PM CCY: Mainly because I suck at those
5:31:59 PM lolikitsune: hahaha
5:32:00 PM CCY: But there seems to be enough talent
5:32:04 PM lolikitsune: there is

Creators of the ‘sphere, I implore you!

Pester CCY-senpai, molest CCY-senpai, rape CCY-senpai, whatever it takes. I want this VN to happen. I want it to exist. I want to be able to play as a faceless, nameless protagonist (Senpai: idea: the protagonist should be a long-time blog reader. First-time commenter. HAR HAR.), and get the polyamory ending with myself and Jason Miao. Think about it: lolikit x Jason x. Nothing better than that, right?

Actually… the possibilities seem very real, and quite—

Excuse me. I must tend to some biological needs right now. There will be more posts on this topic, that I promise. CCY-senpai needs to make this game, and for all of our sakes, we need to help him out. The first step is to convince him to go through with this, and the second step is to help him as he goes by contributing our talents to him.

That is all. My hands are needed away from the keyboard now.

And the Phoenix Wright knock-off minigame.

Didn’t something like this happen in the aniblogosphere recently?

internet games are scary—they hit so close to the mark sometimes

If you like things nice and Rule14′d, or if you like hacking and internet drama, or if you like cybering with old men who get turned on by phonographs, or if you like Phoenix Wright, then I suggest that thou getst thee to a Paypallery.

Seriously, it’s great fun.

And finally, to the shits who are thinking, “what? MONEY?! Where’s the free demo?”, you can still play Forumwarz Episode 1 for free. The Crotch Zombie fellows are good people, and their business model is more than fair.