we're finally notdotq anymore

I don’t have the artistic talent to make this a manga. I don’t have the time to write it out as a story, either. But it’s (I think) an awesome idea, and I may take it up in the future, either making some sort of written or visual work out of it. Or maybe a game. I can see it working as a visual novel.

Anyway… without further ado, let me present to you: Meditations on First Lolicon.

Cast of Characters

でか ルト—a man approaching the limit of being able to call himself “young,” Ruto is an otaku and a NEET. He spends all his time alone in his room, safe within his room; he touches no one and no one touches him. Simon and Garfunkel song lyrics aside, he is a total recluse as far as meatspace is concerned. He has no friends, has no contact with his family, and eats only what food can be ordered online and delivered to his doorstep. Ruto is a lurker in cyberspace, and makes his name only through the number of days in his myanimelist.net account—over nine thousand.

God—a PHLAG, minus the “anime” because she’s (allegedly) real. She resides in Ruto’s closet, though he doesn’t know this because he never turns away from his computer. Her origins are mysterious, the extent of her powers unknown, her motives secret.

The Christian Anime Club—a group of anime watchers who contest Ruto’s discoveries after he publishes them.

The Atheist Anime Club—a group of anime watchers who contest Ruto’s discoveries after he publishes them.

Part 1

Ruto, after witnessing countless arguments between self-branded philosophers on myanimelist.net, decides to seclude himself from the last vestiges of civilization with which he associates himself (MAL and anime), and pursue the truth of the world. Along the way, he becomes good friends with his long-time companions the fridge and the alarm clock, who act as his loyal yes-men. In the end, he discovers the truth—God exists!

Part 2

After Ruto makes his discovery, we get more insight into God, the little girl living in Ruto’s closet. We learn about her backstory; why she’s hiding here, why she ran away from home, what kind of a person she is, and so on. This is done with extensive use of flashbacks and too much exposition.

Part 3

In what amounts to one long Phoenix Wright parody, objections regarding Ruto’s discoveries (which he published on his otherwise unpopulated MAL blog) are raised and responded to. In the end, Ruto runs out of cup ramen and withers away at his computer.

There will be a tearful epilogue in which his computer, a thinking, feeling thing, unfolds its haunches, gets up from its perch, buries the philosopher otaku’s body in a mausoleum constructed of DVD boxes, and then, mistakenly correctly assuming that everything is God’s fault, kills God.

AAAAAND that’s all I’ve got so far, folks. Tell me what you think. Also, if anyone wants to take this up, feel free to, though I will be critical of the style with which you do it (note: style here is synonymous with “classiness”).

Rock!

EDIT: acknowledging that the intellectual masturbation may be lost on some, here’s some context.

So this whole show turned out to be a bawfest about an angel. Who gave a fuck? I certainly didn’t.

» Continue reading this…

Hey. I’m hosting porn again. Porn of myself.

Click to read more… this post is about more than my sexual bod.

Back in April, with a little help from Dr. Japes, I discovered Forumwarz. I completed Episode 1—the first part of the story—within a month or so, and then I began tapping my fingers. The tapping has ended. Episode 2 is here. I have not bought it yet—that is outside the scope of my current powers—but I intend to, and I have gone through the interlude cinematics.

And the Phoenix Wright knock-off minigame.

Didn’t something like this happen in the aniblogosphere recently?

internet games are scary—they hit so close to the mark sometimes

If you like things nice and Rule14′d, or if you like hacking and internet drama, or if you like cybering with old men who get turned on by phonographs, or if you like Phoenix Wright, then I suggest that thou getst thee to a Paypallery.

Seriously, it’s great fun.

And finally, to the shits who are thinking, “what? MONEY?! Where’s the free demo?”, you can still play Forumwarz Episode 1 for free. The Crotch Zombie fellows are good people, and their business model is more than fair.