Sorry, mefloraine! I didn’t vote for you!

I had previous knowledge of two of the blogs this time, one in each match. To prove that my friendship with Hanners and mefloraine is not prejudicing me in my voting patterns, I shall stick to the rubric I applied to the Cock Driver-Suckyjitsu match.

Without further ado, let’s examine headers!!

First, Hanners’:

Next, wat u say:

Match 3 Winner: wat u say

Easy enough, hm?

Starting off Match 4, we’ve got Paper Flower:

And finally, Lower-Mid Table:

Match 4 Winner: Lower-Mid Table

See? I am impartial. I am justice.

Now to address a tangential topic that came up a few times yesterday: my place in the ‘sphere.

Baka-Raptor said, commenting on yesterday’s Aniblog Tourney post, that I’m a has-been. Similarly, Kabitzin slammed me in a comment on the actual Aniblog Tourney site, essentially stating that no one cares about me.

At the same time, Janette stated that my wit “makes the tournament” while separately CJ IMed me and said the following:

4:11:08 PM CJ: are you really not in the aniblog tourney bracket?
4:11:11 PM lolikit: i’m not
4:11:19 PM lolikit: hahaha
4:11:28 PM CJ: holy crap that’s retarded
4:11:33 PM lolikit: ahahahah
4:11:33 PM CJ: you’re like
4:11:37 PM CJ: THE troll blog
4:11:42 PM CJ: you’re frigging important

Setting aside the fact that she’s wrong and that DrmChsr0′s Swiss Cheese Porn is the real troll blog, we see an obvious trend here: men hate me, chicks love me. Digiboy? It looks like I’m unintentionally winning at your game. Now to shamelessly rip a screenshot of your blog…

Fuck.

Well that’s just fabulous. So what I thought I’d do was, I’d stop my “Rage Against The Jason” long enough to pull some kind of “hahaha just kidding!!” gag. Figured it’d be funny. Figured it’d be hiiiiilarious. The plan was simple: I’d rename notdotq “Miao on My Mind,” I’d float my layout down a river of jasonisms, and then I’d ride on the wave of my readers’ cum.

The plan was, as stated, simple. And so I executed it flawlessly.

I renamed notdotq “Miao on My Mind.”

I floated my layout down a river of jasonisms.

But.

I guess that there was a hidden “???” step I missed out on, though, because my plan has gone horribly wrong. I’m not profiting. If anything, my coffers are being depleted. Rapidly. If this goes on much longer, I will lose all means of waging war against the monster. I will lose… everything.

As we speak, I’m rowing and rowing against the river of jasonisms I myself caused to spring forth from the metaphorical spring. It’s like my month’s work has become an oppressive power, and I find myself forced by my morals and learning to fight it.

Fuck.

This is my “remorse” face pose.

I know what I did wrong. It’s the inside jokes. I left them open to interpretation, to those of you who weren’t familiar with them. You might not have understood that my use of “oh geass no” in a recent post was my attempt at lampooning Jason for his idiocy. In fact, you didn’t. You thought that my alleged “love” for Jason was true, that it was real. You probably thought you could reach out and touch it, and you probably did reach out, and you probably touched something.

The truth is that I have, in my attempts at satire, in my attempts at parody, in my attempts at destruction, legitimized idol-worship of Jason Miao.

This is Jason raping me and, by extension, the entire EL aniblogosphere.

I will never forgive myself.

Look at Oi, Hayaku! It’s this shit-awful team aniblog that sprung up a little over a month ago. Its pretentious-as-all-fuck prima donna ringleader, Riex, has promised us an “aniblogging revolution.” He promised us a new era, and above that he promised us awesome. He assembled a kick-ass score of gifted writers. Unfortunately, all but one of these were aware of how much Jason Miao blows.

I can only guess that, being the enlightened individuals they are, Riex’s bitches took it upon themselves to read my blog when researching the ‘sphere. It’s a beacon of intelligence, after all, right? Fuck.

And what did they take away? They took away that Jason Miao is the end-all, be-all of anibloggerality and that his method is a method that will pierce the drivel of the modern aniblogging scene. Oh, how wrong. Oh, how misled. Jason Miao’s methods won’t call in a new era. Jason Miao’s methods won’t change anything for the better. Jason Miao is a staple of the old-age aniblogosphere, the one-time tyrant of Blogsuki, the desecrator of good shows and proponent of filth. Jason Miao is a demon, and following in his footsteps is like being the confessor to his Zange-chan. Using his forced memes is like being the art club to his Nagi-sama.

This is what’s happening, and it’s not even behind the scenes.

I’m not trying to say anything bad about Oi, Hayaku. They’re good people. I know that the harsh logorrhea is flowing, but that’s just my mood.

I’m not trying to say that Oi, Hayaku has nothing to offer to the ‘sphere. As I said, it’s more full of good writers than your mom’s vagina is of flutes.

Oi, Hayaku could indeed be great.

But not like this.

And I’m a nice guy. Like Akari, I’m wishing for your happiness. I want Oi, Hayaku to succeed. I want it to revolutionize the aniblogosphere. I want it to rock hard. So I’ll give the fellows over there a piece of advice: it’s not too late. You can still turn back.

beanbrew. Maggeh. However many others of you think that jasonisms are all the rage.

Fuck, I don’t care who you are.

Don’t feed the monster.

Others and I worked our fingers to the bone breaking his hegemony in June 2006. Hung of BasuGasuBakuhatsu and AnimeNaNo is the main star to thank, what with making Blogsuki useless. But there are dozens. Drm and tj han, who stood up to the abuse they and others received. Corydorf, who encouraged me to wage my all-out war against the then-Anime on My Mind. Everyone who made fun of Jason in IRC. Everyone. Everyone worked together, as a team, to defeat the beast.

tj han fields tripeman against jason

And we succeeded. The community thrived outside of Jason’s grasp. We made a world where new anibloggers could set up their sites without knowing about Jason.

And now, more than two years later, those new anibloggers, in their ignorance, are about to be the Hebrews to my God—they’re going to ignore my warnings, my words of wisdom, and they’re going to worship false idols. The message of this paragraph is not that anyone should worship me. It just seems like it is. Seriously. I’m almost writing stream of consciousness here. Why all the punctuation? Shit, man. I think in punctuation.

Anyway.

Don’t do this. You don’t need to. You can find your own funny, and you can use it to power a new generation in the aniblogosphere. You don’t need Jason. He’s a blighting influence. Purge him from your systems. (I’m mixing metaphors so fast you’d think this was an alchemist’s NASCAR track!)

How do trains resemble race cars? Let me count the ways…

But. I can’t talk of myself as if I were a saint, or the chemo, or what have you. Oi, Hayaku’s writers beanbrew and Maggeh drew to my attention my most grievous mistake: I took my satire too far. I obfuscated my sarcasm. People took me seriously. They thought I loved Jason. They interpreted my parroting as adulation. Have they not watched the Colbert Report? But I cant blame them for a lack of insightfulness. I can only blame myself for failing to communicate.

I can only blame myself, and ask that the ‘sphere reconsider. That Oi, Hayaku reconsider.

I repeat: it’s not too late.

You can still turn back.

Mid-post Breaking News!
This just in: Otou-san divulges the fact that Oi, Hayaku’s shittiness is all a ploy to put me out of business.

I was going to add, at the end of this post, that I was at least touched that Maggeh imitated me ( Exhibit A :: a recent graph of mine | Exhibit B :: a more recent graph of Maggeh’s ). But now I see. This whole thing was merely a plot to steal my crown? Fuck that shit. Oi, Hayaku must not receive Best Satire or Funniest at ABA 2009. I’m donning my “fuck these shits” outfit.

This is my “fuck these shits” face.

I went into episode 10 expecting a disappointment.

Anyway, as was kind of expected, the show let me down.

Aria the Origination episode 11 dealt beautifully with Alice’s doubt and depression. I couldn’t have asked for more, and yet here I am, smiling like an idiot at Akira’s megadere worry for Aika’s spirit. Here I am, basking in yet another wonderful episode of Aria. Here I am, pleased beyond belief by this episode—which was, for all intents and purposes, epic.

Right now, I’m at my screen like this:

Episode 11 left me… not shocked, no, so it wasn’t like episode 9, but it definitely left me speechless. Proof: I’m writing this almost twelve hours after watching the episode. Took a while to recover. Now, it seems like all I have for Aria is praise, and this is true… now more than ever. Halfway through 11, I was thinking to myself, “Aha! They’re addressing this after all! <3 Aria staff! But, uh, pacing and story telling order is off—they should have done this BEFORE the Al business.”

And then Aika took Alice’s hand and said that makenai wa yo!! and I realized that the order things were done in was, in fact, optimal. By throwing in the stuff with Al, the show preps us for Aika’s good spirit and happiness and readiness to become a pro. While it might seem tangential, after some reflection I think that her interlocution with the gnome in 10 was very important for her character development—it enhanced her maturity and made her happy. Aika shines when she’s happy (remember the episode in Natural when she fucked her hair?) and I think that her mood is a significant factor in her performance. Unlike Alice who’s hella down and acts kinda robotic, Aika really gets gloomy, and it interferes with the rest of her life… conversely, well, what I said before. Happiness = fish, or something.

Akari of course took the wonderful power cake this episode with an incredibly sutekiiiiii~~~~ line about how Alice brings Alice to the table and that’s more than enough reason to congregate for dinner. Alright, so the point wasn’t really food (it wasn’t food at all, as it happens) but the line was amazing: you’re you, and we want to chill with you because we like you as a person, and there’s no need for any additional excuses. It’d be so fucking great to see real flesh and blood people be more honest and say these kinds of words to each other more often. I think that friendship would be a much more pure and pleasant thing if appreciation were expressed more often.

So long as, of course, you have a healthy dose of

Everything in moderation, right? Get some objections in, get some IRL trolling in, salt the earth a few times, be an asshole to your buddies… and then, at the end of the day, when you’re standing on your porch watching the moon, say something warranting an objection yourself.

Aria, I love you.

P.S. I’m also pleasured out of my mind by a string of devastating victories in Physics class today. Boring class is boring, awesome card game is awesome. Raped tablemate is… well, completely and utterly destroyed.