Yet these hands will never know KIRA~☆

Kaioshin Sama of internet infamy (mostly due to his trollish appearance, which in turn is mostly due to the fact that he has taste and a brain) has issued a challenge to me in the comments of one of RABURI RABURI ghostlightning-chan’s suteki My Hometown-style hippie anti-war pro-love posts. **I move away from the mic to breathe in** The post had been about how people shouldn’t mindlessly hate things, and I had sort of “derailed” (har har) the comments by my introducing my belief that love should be justified just as much as hatred, and that people should always be able to back up their evaluations of shows (and studios).

While we were on the topic of thinking and challenging oneself to be more critical, Kaioshin said:

And if you are looking for a challenge I have one for you. Find me something good that Jason Miao did in terms of blogging……..ever. I have a feeling that I’ve sent you on a wild goose chase, but this could prove interesting nonetheless.

I could point at the sky walls of this blog and yell “Who the hell do you think I am?!” but, as some shrewd observers might observe, the Jason Miao love evident on this site is merely high-level mendacity in its most convoluted form. I have no love for Jason Miao. I am not his biggest fanboy. I cannot point at his forced memes and say “BEHOLD!” while crushing Kaioshin’s challenge in his face.

Two drills, of hand and tail combined—the unison of Vindication, Loli-Kitsu!!

Well, I could. But shouldn’t there be some limit to how sarcastic I can be?

Having decided to take Kaioshin’s challenge seriously, I shall now present unto the aniblogosphere the two and a half good things Jason Miao has done “in terms of blogging,” which I take to mean both “behavior helpful to anibloggers” and “spectacularly legendary blog posts that stimulate the ‘sphere.”

2.5 – Jason Miao liberated Sixten

Were it not for Jason Miao, aniblogosphere illustrator-commenter extraordinaire Sixten would not be the appreciable source of lulz he currently is. Yes, in order to unleash Sixten’s Miao Diary upon the world Jason first had to indenture the poor guy and give him one hell of a complex. Check out this quote:

I am not taking commissions right now, except from family members or Jason Miao (who can always get work from me for free if they ask nicely). – Sixten, Artists are cheap

My interpretation? This guy is whipped.

In any event, it is fact that Sixten was bound to Jason and it is fact that Jason set him free. This is perhaps the best thing Jason has done character-wise; it reflects well on him. I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing he’s done in terms of blogging (hence this point only being ranked #2.5), but it’s pretty good. The Sixten we know today is breaking people everywhere while producing and sharing enjoyable artwork. He’s a positive force in the aniblogosphere, using his art to comment on developments in the community.

It’s good to have the present-day Sixten, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

1.5 – Jason Miao ran Blogsuki horribly

Because Jason was an elitist prick and Blogsuki was nothing more than Jason Miao’s personal feed reader masquerading as a service to the aniblogocircle, there was room for Hung to come on stage, create Animeなの, and weave a basket from the lonely reeds.

Had Jason run Blogsuki well, the aniblogosphere would have evolved very differently. It’s a good thing he fucked up.

What? “How did he fuck up,” you ask?

Well, riddle me this. Can you load Blogsuki? Fuck off.

It’s good to have the present-day ‘sphere, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

0.5 – Jason Miao is the aniblogosphere’s Virgin Mary

I always pin my genesis as an aniblogger on Fred Gallagher, because one of his Megatokyo rants got me to watch AIR, and that was around the time I was a regular poster on the AnimeSuki forums, through which I encountered Lovely Kitsune. And this is with good reason, for were it not for Lovely Kitsune I would have no idea what anime blogs are. He was also the one to introduce me to blogrolls (I remember he hated bluemist for placing him on his blogroll) and AIM blocks (I hero-worshipped him because I didn’t know better).

From my first post regarding the 2008 Anime Blog Awards:

Lovely Kitsune blogged epic on AIR, and it’s arguable that without him I would not have started anime blogging, and that without that, ANO’s IRC channel would have never been created, and that without that, the ANO community might never have come together, and well… the possibilities run wild from there. But basically, Jason Miao would still run the aniblogosphere.

But all that said, Lovely Kitsune merely gave me awareness. The one who propelled me into creating “notdotq, seriously!” and the lolikitsune persona was none other than Jason Miao. Thanks to his hard work creating this post, singularity was avoided and the present we know is the true and correct present.

I’ll have you notice a few things about this post of his: first, it’s tongue-in-cheek, second, it’s funny, and third, it’s mostly useful. Unbelievable, right? I mean, this is Jason Miao we’re talking about!

… it’s high time I check my quality rating again.

But I digress! Back on the topic of hand, that post got me to begin blogging anime. Now, I ask that you look around you. Were it not for me, would Animeなの’s community have developed as it did? Take a moment to chew on that one. Would Dr. Japes and Hinano be getting married? Would Os have cycled through four team blogs or would he have given up when his friends in KonOSono bailed on him? Would Owen have ever begun blogging? Would he have formed the ABC? Would I have met Author and Sixten? Would I be making a crappy visual novel?

THAT would not have been formed.
Riex would not have joined THAT.
Riex would not have been unhappy with THAT.
Riex would not have launched Oi, Hayaku!
ghostlightning would not have started his blog.

All these “what ifs” build on each other’s shoulders. Really, it’s a circle jerk of hypotheticals, and I could ramble in Aozora Loops about the possibilities, but I think that there are some fairly simple chains of events leading from that one post of Jason’s in early 2006 to the aniblogosphere we frolic around in daily as 2008 comes to a close.

I’m not trying to say that I’m the central pillar of the EL aniblogging community (though I might if I were being less serious). I’m just pointing at the fact that Jason Miao set great things in motion, albeit unintentionally.

So I’d like to be the Raigyo to Jason’s white-haired children, and say this:

“Look at the seed you planted in me. Look how well I took care of it.”

I like the baby monsters given birth to by AoMM’s Echidna, and for that, I thank Jason Miao. Awwww yeah, I just went Greek mythology on your asses. What? You want the good ol’ Bible Bitchslap? Fine. Fuckin’ “monotheists.” Well, buckle up and brace for impact because I’m about to e-jaculate all over your keyboards:

Jason Miao is the Virgin Mary to my Jesus Christ, and for that, I thank him.

Hopefully, the above picture and the one right before it help illustrate the differences between Christianity and Greek mythology: Christianity got rid of the furries and taught people to be ego-centric. Who the fuck needs siblings? Not Jesus Christ.

Well, I’d say I’ve thanked Jason Miao enough. *retches*

Now I’d like to thank Kaioshin Sama for giving me the opportunity to give thanks where thanks were due. I can now return to hating Jason Miao to my Heart’s Content!

P.S. YES I AM THE MOTHER-FUCKING ANIBLOG MESSIAH.

P.P.S.

Bin Laden didn’t blow up the projects
It was U Jason
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers

P.P.P.S. IN B4 “TOO SOON”

I woke up two episodes later, went back to the hotel room, cleaned up, and headed for AMVs, which were much more exciting. At this point, I was super low energy (and probably kind of lame) so I headed back to the room to catch a nap. … this was everyone’s plan, it seemed, because there was barely room for me to walk for all the bodies on the floor. Soooo I got on my comp and blogged Friday and Saturday.

After blogging, I sort of hung around and talked to people for an hour or two. Then grabbed breakfast, hit up the dealer’s room, tried to watch more AMVs/anime, and I either succeeded or failed epicly because and completely just forgot I met up with CCY and his friend at noon. Author wasn’t there (fucker!!) and no one else approached me with my sign (sigh…). There was some good punching. We chatted a bit, wandered a bit, and then next thing I knew I was waking up for the webcomics panel at 3 P.M. I know that sounds suspicious, but I promise it’s not what it sounds like. It sucked because Dom wasn’t there. What.

Somehow the rest of the evening burned away—I think we watched some Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and Dennou Coil, and I think I fell asleep a couple times. Eventually I went to the room to nap only to run into a super-awkward situation involving a male friend and his female friend. It was lulz, though, because I’m good at making awkward awkwardly funny. An hour or two later, I hit up a pizza place nearby with the guy who watched School Days with me. After that, we went to Damn You Internets…

… is what I’d LIKE to say, but it was canceled. It turns out that maybe the convention center doesn’t like having watermelons spun on against their floors. Remember, with every full revolution of your fist, your arm grows one step longer. Instead of Damn You Internets, we cracked Nice Boat jokes while in line for the second Gainax/TTGL panel. The panel itself may or may not have been cool; I went to pick out Jason Miao but was easily distracted by the opportunity to watch AMVs across the hallway. It’s kind of sad because I don’t even like AMVs that much. Then again, I don’t even like TTGL that much, and that’s not even me talking about my feelings for Gainax. FLCL? You really don’t want me going there.

After some AMVs degenerated into Anime Hell, we went across the hall again, this time to the Karaoke Gong show, which was being run by Tommy. Yes, that Tommy. The Tommy who confiscated my sign at AOD 2006. The Tommy whose karaoke contest we trolled at AOD 2007. My friend lolikappa/Duk/Sunshine was signed up to do Shiraishi Minoru. I was lulzing at the prospect until two people before my friend did Shiraishi Minoru. At that point I decided that Minoru was corporate bastardization in a similar vein to Haruhi, and I took down the minoru-dan.dotq.org site in a fit of self-righteous fanboy fury.

My friend’s “Ore no Wasuremono” was total fail but it was total fail done right. Before singing, he dedicated the song to Tommy. Before the judges said their bits, Tommy told my friend that he had come a long way from the little boy with the lolicon sign. I /facepalmed but my friend on stage—and my friends in the audience—called out to me. I stood.

“Take out the sign!” they said. “We know you have it with you!”

I had previously put it in my pocket. A suspicious not-so-obvious troll staff member had told me to take it off, so I had. I had, however, made a grievous mistake right after returning from pizza. I had left it in the room. My pocket had no sign. I decided to go out in a blaze: I would empty all my pockets, rip off my clothes—”I HAVE NO SIGN!!!”

But. It was not to be.

After emptying one pocket, I found in the other my schedule for the convention. My schedule, which had been used as scratch paper by KigaMoosh at our Create That Anime! panel. My schedule, which had “FURRY!!!!” scrawled across the back. Changing my plans in a flash, I carefully unfolded the piece of paper and then held it out.

“I HAVE BECOME A NEW MAN!” I shouted. Tommy laughed. The audience—what of it could see the new improvised sign—went wild. It was awesome. My friends couldn’t contain themselves and burst out. I bit my lip to keep myself from cracking up. I was almost crying—I couldn’t be the lolicon I wanted to be. I had to become a furry.

Then some other shit went down, and I ended up going to bed at midnight.

That was a good day somehow, even if I don’t remember what the fuck happened for most of it.

BY THE BY HERE’S WHAT I BOUGHT AT THE CONVENTION:

ARIA FIGURINES

PRESIDENT ARIA

FINALLY, in response to some things said earlier:

Zeroblade:

Also, your con posts are composed of incoherent rambling.

No; they’re composed of sleep deprivation, euphoria, and enthusiasm. Incoherent rambling is the resulting structure, not the entirety of the composition.

IcyStorm:

Punch Miao for me. He’s been soiling the name "Jason."

Fucking Jason.

Os:

You noob. You dont go to cons to watch episodes of anything.

Shut the fuck up, Mr. I Don’t Know The Joy Of Enjoying Things With Others.

Jared:

So I herd you liek me

FUCK YEAH JARED

P.S. I will write about Monday ASAP. Also, I have new shit to disseminate regarding Damn You Internets. Also, next year I will panel as much as possible. It turns out that our Create That Anime! panel was the funniest and possibly best of all the events this year, so clearly we should do more of it

P.P.S. The only two things that would have made the weekend better than it was: more people watching School Days Saturday night, and Damn You Internets not sucking.

P.P.P.S. I should blog anime again sometime.