Anyway… without further ado, let me present to you: Meditations on First Lolicon.

Cast of Characters

でか ルト—a man approaching the limit of being able to call himself “young,” Ruto is an otaku and a NEET. He spends all his time alone in his room, safe within his room; he touches no one and no one touches him. Simon and Garfunkel song lyrics aside, he is a total recluse as far as meatspace is concerned. He has no friends, has no contact with his family, and eats only what food can be ordered online and delivered to his doorstep. Ruto is a lurker in cyberspace, and makes his name only through the number of days in his myanimelist.net account—over nine thousand.

God—a PHLAG, minus the “anime” because she’s (allegedly) real. She resides in Ruto’s closet, though he doesn’t know this because he never turns away from his computer. Her origins are mysterious, the extent of her powers unknown, her motives secret.

The Christian Anime Club—a group of anime watchers who contest Ruto’s discoveries after he publishes them.

The Atheist Anime Club—a group of anime watchers who contest Ruto’s discoveries after he publishes them.

Part 1

Ruto, after witnessing countless arguments between self-branded philosophers on myanimelist.net, decides to seclude himself from the last vestiges of civilization with which he associates himself (MAL and anime), and pursue the truth of the world. Along the way, he becomes good friends with his long-time companions the fridge and the alarm clock, who act as his loyal yes-men. In the end, he discovers the truth—God exists!

Part 2

After Ruto makes his discovery, we get more insight into God, the little girl living in Ruto’s closet. We learn about her backstory; why she’s hiding here, why she ran away from home, what kind of a person she is, and so on. This is done with extensive use of flashbacks and too much exposition.

Part 3

In what amounts to one long Phoenix Wright parody, objections regarding Ruto’s discoveries (which he published on his otherwise unpopulated MAL blog) are raised and responded to. In the end, Ruto runs out of cup ramen and withers away at his computer.

There will be a tearful epilogue in which his computer, a thinking, feeling thing, unfolds its haunches, gets up from its perch, buries the philosopher otaku’s body in a mausoleum constructed of DVD boxes, and then, mistakenly correctly assuming that everything is God’s fault, kills God.

AAAAAND that’s all I’ve got so far, folks. Tell me what you think. Also, if anyone wants to take this up, feel free to, though I will be critical of the style with which you do it (note: style here is synonymous with “classiness”).

Rock!

EDIT: acknowledging that the intellectual masturbation may be lost on some, here’s some context.

Miao on My Mind was way too slow to combo, and I’ve been meaning to dismantle it for a while now. With a final push from ghostlightning, I got off my ass and did it. Welcome home, master. This is notdotq again.

Does this mean I’ve stopped hating Jason?

No.

Does this mean I’ve become less of an asshole?

Fuck no.

So what does this mean, you ask?

I’m taking a step back from shit. Twitter and the fast pace of the aniblogosphere are too much for me right now. I want to be writing, not keeping up with trolling/drama. I’m not saying good-bye; I’m merely waving from across the street.

I’m still _here_.

I’ll blog Maria-sama ga Miteru 4 as promised. I’ll keep working on OH! I’ll keep up the collab work with ghostlightning and lelangir. And I’ll keep trolling. But I’m going to be less active, and a better platform for such neutrality is one that does not scream “I am Jason Miao!” “I hate Jason Miao!” I said I wouldn’t rely on my hatred of him in the Anime Blog Awards this year, and I meant it.

I’ll still participate.

I’ll still win.

But it will be with these two hands, dubbed satire and Midori.

*ahem*

I’ve got some resolution for the new year up at Dreams of the Quill. Only a few, really. ‘sphere, what are your thoughts on the new year? Anything you’d like to change in 2009?

And is there anything you’d like to see from me?

The most important thing for me to get across right now is this: I have a laptop of my own again, and it’s mostly functional! I can like, watch anime and do work and stuff on it. This means I’ll be blogging more “real” things soon. (I haven’t gotten Photoshop 7 to work yet, so I can’t get my graph on. But. Soon.) Anyway anyway, I’m excited. :)