But almost all of the criticism leveraged against Aiko and her actions, nay, presence in True Tears is made within the paradigm of bad harem anime. People wanted True Tears to be a typical love polygon anime, they wanted Shinichiro to be a chick magnet for stupid reasons, and so on. They expected Aiko to be more or less, but not to be what she was: a wrench in everything. Something Shinichiro hadn’t planned on, but not a windfall. Something that threw him off. Something that threw off his audience.

The problem with Aiko is that everything about her is awkward.

Not that she as a character is awkward (though she might be).

But that she as a part of the show is awkward.

No one was ready for True Tears to be so honest, so genuine. Sometimes, your best friend’s girlfriend falls in love with you. And you’re like, “well, shit.” And you do exactly what Shinichiro did and refuse to let it become an issue. And she fades into Bolivia. And when the story’s over, and you’re happily sharing gentle days with a girl you love, you might remember the time she forced a kiss on you—but probably not.

Rest in oblivion, Aiko.

You were honest. And Shinichiro was honest. And True Tears was good.

No one—not even I—was ready.

But I understand you now.

“I’m just a little happy,” says Akari, smiling benignly at her new apprentice. It’s an echo of a line cited years before by Alicia, back when Akari was a new arrival on Mars. When Alicia said it, it was a lie: she was more than a little happy. She was nervous, she was excited, she was worried, she was thrilled; the prospect of handling Akari was the biggest challenge Alicia had ever faced and she was unsure how to go about it. She would remain uncertain in her methods throughout Akari’s training, finally crying at her retirement ceremony at the sight of Akari accepting her oar. What she saw in that moment of serenity was more than Akari’s gratitude: it was gratification.

I succeeded, she thought, I met my biggest challenge and I succeeded.

Alicia retires happily, and Akari takes up all the tasks her mentor left her. The task of opening the shade and welcoming a new day. The task of becoming the number-one gondolier in New Venice. The task of pleasing customers while gently sculling across a town composed entirely of smiles (what’s behind them? Cats?). The task of training a successor to the Aria Company.

The task of lying.

“I’m just a little happy,” says Akari, and, just as it was when Alicia said it, it’s a lie. It’s not a lie for the same reason, however. It’s a lie because Akari is more than a little happy.

She’s very happy, and she deserves it.

You’ve flown too far from the Sun; let me take you back to Earth.

It’s a dark world. Pollution has permeated the mantle. Rivers flow slow and purple with sludge. Domed cities like those the Avenger creators thought might dominate Mars instead form the mainstays of civilization on what the Martians call ‘Manhome.’ Earth isn’t truly home to anything, anymore. It’s a husk on life support, a test-case for the technologies that enabled the terraforming of Mars, and also a reason why the terraforming of Mars was so necessary. A fake sky akin to that of a Macross is all that an Earth girl knows.

She grows up with picture books, though the pictures are drawn from pictures from pictures. No one remembers a cat. No one remembers a dog.

A girl knows only a few things: that her parents are at work, that she must do her best in school in order to go to work someday, and that she can never leave her domed Tokyo save for the occasional luxury vacation to Mars. One day, her fourth-grade class takes a field trip to Kyoto. The students obediently pile into a train with no windows and the train chugs silently along a desolate landscape of blurry green and brown hues. The train arrives. The students flood out onto the streets of another dome. A few remnants of 21st-century Kyoto impress the young ones, but mostly the city is the same as their native Tokyo. A girl yawns; she sees the same fake sky. She’s seen more realistic skies in holographic form: travel brochures for various cities on Mars.

New San Francisco.

Newer Orleans.

New Venice.

Tokyo 4-C meets with Kyoto 4-C. Students exchange formal greetings. Teachers and chaperones aren’t too concerned about friendship; this is a leftover tradition, in any case, and the students are unlikely to see each other ever again. Nevertheless they encourage interaction. This is your chance to meet another culture.

“We’re all Japanese,” whines one kid.

“Your parents are backward.” The teacher is blunt. “Every dome is its own community.”

The students nod in obeisance.

There is no sense of solidarity among the students. There is nothing but an awkward agreement that fourth grade is irrelevant later in life. A girl is disinterested. She doesn’t talk. But maybe she looked kinda cute, or maybe he didn’t have any friends among his own peers… a boy addresses her.

“Um…”

“Eh?”

“Hi, I’m … … nice to meet you.”

“I’m Mizunashi Akari; nice to meet you.”

She has little to say but he’s persistent. Eventually he mentions family…

“Do you have any siblings?”

“No.”

“I do! I have an older sister. She works in New Venice as a gondolier.”

“Eh?”

A girl blinks. Work, in New Venice? New Venice was on Mars. You go to Mars to work? A girl returns from her field trip, sees her father that night. Work on Mars, she asks? He laughs dismissively. Mars is a slow place for the dregs of society. True hard workers remain on Earth. They don’t escape to a paradise of idiots. They stick together and try to make the most out of what they’re given.

Daddy, Mars is out there for a reason right? It was given to us.

No, he responds, we stole it.

A girl doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t bring it up again. She has an e-mail address, though, so she contacts the boy in Kyoto. They become pen pals, exchanging letters once or twice a week.

Both boy and girl grew and changed over the years. He succeeded in school, getting good grades, heading toward a career that would suck up most of his time. She faltered in school, barely keeping up when she did and failing to frequently. The fast pace of the Tokyo dome was too much for her. She wanted to stop and enjoy things — not that there was much to enjoy.

She would e-mail her pen pal, “how is your sister doing?”

She dreamed of New Venice. She dreamed of water that didn’t sting, of an atmosphere she could breathe. A city that would be more of a home than the steel-plated womb of Tokyo.

“Slacking off,” her pen pal would respond, often with a derisive emoticon or two.

“Sounds nice,” she’d muse.

“Hardly. Stay focused.”

The year she turns fourteen, the big decision comes. Is she going to try for high school, and advance her education from there? She’s barely surviving already in the strenuous middle school environment. Her father has worked himself to death in a water treatment facility. Her mother works twice as hard now, and is never home: she sleeps at work and sends her paychecks to Akari, who buys her own food and sets her own hours.

Akari doesn’t want to stay in Tokyo.

Tokyo is sad, for her: her father died here. Her classmates ridiculed her performance here. Her mother is somewhere here, but never here here. She wants to get away. She considers Kyoto: she could visit her pen pal. Maybe they could work something better out for both of them. But she knows she’ll just get in his way. Cornered by an incompatibility with an Earth lifestyle and a lack of friends, with nothing but the Tokyo International Spaceport behind her, she turns and looks upward.

For the first time, she sees more than pixelated clouds and an inauthentic glossy sky. She sees far beyond, thousands of kilometers into the deep black, and she sees freedom.

“Hey, do you have any info on the gondola market?” A frantic e-mail to her pen pal.

“Umm… I can ask my bum sister, I guess.”

“Please.”

“She says there are always new openings at some company or another for apprentices. I’ve attached a few flyers that my sister sent. She also says, ‘I hope Akari-chan can visit me in New Venice!’”

A girl examines the glamorous hiring materials. The top three companies seem to be Himeya, Orange Planet, and Aria. Akari likes the blues and whites on the Aria material, and the oddly-shaped animal that the stunning blonde gondolier is holding. Is that a dog or a cat?

She decides to apply. She has nothing else. She doesn’t even tell her mother: her pen pal and his sister feel more like family to her at this point. She downloads the training software — there are no canals or gondolas left on Earth — and she prepares for her trip to Mars.

It’s a gamble.

It’s a chance at salvation from the cruel pace of a dying planet.

She gazes off into space, lost in a holographic representation of New Venice. She’s fifteen now, and this spring she departs for her ‘paradise of idiots.’ She’s thrilled by the prospects. Living without cars, without machines. Folding her own laundry. Preparing her own food. Breathing clean air. Touching grass, and water. Cloud-gazing. She could gain everything…

… but if she failed, she’d be penniless, alone, an orphan not only in another city but on another planet entirely.

She wishes desperately for happiness.

She cries at the possibility thereof.

She’s nervous, excited, worried, thrilled. The prospect of apprenticing herself to Alicia is the biggest challenge she has ever faced with all her heart, and she is unsure how to go about it. She practices her smile in the mirror, and laughs at herself. I… I hope this works out.

Things rarely go as planned.

As if by some fairy magic, Mars opens its heart to Akari.

Years later, Alicia has retired and Akari is the sole member of the Aria Company. She examines the applications, flipping through them until she comes across a young girl from Earth. She smiles at the girl’s photo: uncertain smile, messy hair. Cute eyes. The application screams “hesitant.” That’s all Akari needs.

“I’d like to offer you a position … ”

She gets off the phone, blinking back joy.

A couple weeks later, the first morning with her new apprentice.

“Why are you staring at me?” asks the girl, not sure if she is supposed to begin eating.

“I’m just a little happy,” says Akari, smiling benignly.

Yet these hands will never know KIRA~☆

Kaioshin Sama of internet infamy (mostly due to his trollish appearance, which in turn is mostly due to the fact that he has taste and a brain) has issued a challenge to me in the comments of one of RABURI RABURI ghostlightning-chan’s suteki My Hometown-style hippie anti-war pro-love posts. **I move away from the mic to breathe in** The post had been about how people shouldn’t mindlessly hate things, and I had sort of “derailed” (har har) the comments by my introducing my belief that love should be justified just as much as hatred, and that people should always be able to back up their evaluations of shows (and studios).

While we were on the topic of thinking and challenging oneself to be more critical, Kaioshin said:

And if you are looking for a challenge I have one for you. Find me something good that Jason Miao did in terms of blogging……..ever. I have a feeling that I’ve sent you on a wild goose chase, but this could prove interesting nonetheless.

I could point at the sky walls of this blog and yell “Who the hell do you think I am?!” but, as some shrewd observers might observe, the Jason Miao love evident on this site is merely high-level mendacity in its most convoluted form. I have no love for Jason Miao. I am not his biggest fanboy. I cannot point at his forced memes and say “BEHOLD!” while crushing Kaioshin’s challenge in his face.

Two drills, of hand and tail combined—the unison of Vindication, Loli-Kitsu!!

Well, I could. But shouldn’t there be some limit to how sarcastic I can be?

Having decided to take Kaioshin’s challenge seriously, I shall now present unto the aniblogosphere the two and a half good things Jason Miao has done “in terms of blogging,” which I take to mean both “behavior helpful to anibloggers” and “spectacularly legendary blog posts that stimulate the ‘sphere.”

2.5 – Jason Miao liberated Sixten

Were it not for Jason Miao, aniblogosphere illustrator-commenter extraordinaire Sixten would not be the appreciable source of lulz he currently is. Yes, in order to unleash Sixten’s Miao Diary upon the world Jason first had to indenture the poor guy and give him one hell of a complex. Check out this quote:

I am not taking commissions right now, except from family members or Jason Miao (who can always get work from me for free if they ask nicely). – Sixten, Artists are cheap

My interpretation? This guy is whipped.

In any event, it is fact that Sixten was bound to Jason and it is fact that Jason set him free. This is perhaps the best thing Jason has done character-wise; it reflects well on him. I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing he’s done in terms of blogging (hence this point only being ranked #2.5), but it’s pretty good. The Sixten we know today is breaking people everywhere while producing and sharing enjoyable artwork. He’s a positive force in the aniblogosphere, using his art to comment on developments in the community.

It’s good to have the present-day Sixten, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

1.5 – Jason Miao ran Blogsuki horribly

Because Jason was an elitist prick and Blogsuki was nothing more than Jason Miao’s personal feed reader masquerading as a service to the aniblogocircle, there was room for Hung to come on stage, create Animeなの, and weave a basket from the lonely reeds.

Had Jason run Blogsuki well, the aniblogosphere would have evolved very differently. It’s a good thing he fucked up.

What? “How did he fuck up,” you ask?

Well, riddle me this. Can you load Blogsuki? Fuck off.

It’s good to have the present-day ‘sphere, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

0.5 – Jason Miao is the aniblogosphere’s Virgin Mary

I always pin my genesis as an aniblogger on Fred Gallagher, because one of his Megatokyo rants got me to watch AIR, and that was around the time I was a regular poster on the AnimeSuki forums, through which I encountered Lovely Kitsune. And this is with good reason, for were it not for Lovely Kitsune I would have no idea what anime blogs are. He was also the one to introduce me to blogrolls (I remember he hated bluemist for placing him on his blogroll) and AIM blocks (I hero-worshipped him because I didn’t know better).

From my first post regarding the 2008 Anime Blog Awards:

Lovely Kitsune blogged epic on AIR, and it’s arguable that without him I would not have started anime blogging, and that without that, ANO’s IRC channel would have never been created, and that without that, the ANO community might never have come together, and well… the possibilities run wild from there. But basically, Jason Miao would still run the aniblogosphere.

But all that said, Lovely Kitsune merely gave me awareness. The one who propelled me into creating “notdotq, seriously!” and the lolikitsune persona was none other than Jason Miao. Thanks to his hard work creating this post, singularity was avoided and the present we know is the true and correct present.

I’ll have you notice a few things about this post of his: first, it’s tongue-in-cheek, second, it’s funny, and third, it’s mostly useful. Unbelievable, right? I mean, this is Jason Miao we’re talking about!

… it’s high time I check my quality rating again.

But I digress! Back on the topic of hand, that post got me to begin blogging anime. Now, I ask that you look around you. Were it not for me, would Animeなの’s community have developed as it did? Take a moment to chew on that one. Would Dr. Japes and Hinano be getting married? Would Os have cycled through four team blogs or would he have given up when his friends in KonOSono bailed on him? Would Owen have ever begun blogging? Would he have formed the ABC? Would I have met Author and Sixten? Would I be making a crappy visual novel?

THAT would not have been formed.
Riex would not have joined THAT.
Riex would not have been unhappy with THAT.
Riex would not have launched Oi, Hayaku!
ghostlightning would not have started his blog.

All these “what ifs” build on each other’s shoulders. Really, it’s a circle jerk of hypotheticals, and I could ramble in Aozora Loops about the possibilities, but I think that there are some fairly simple chains of events leading from that one post of Jason’s in early 2006 to the aniblogosphere we frolic around in daily as 2008 comes to a close.

I’m not trying to say that I’m the central pillar of the EL aniblogging community (though I might if I were being less serious). I’m just pointing at the fact that Jason Miao set great things in motion, albeit unintentionally.

So I’d like to be the Raigyo to Jason’s white-haired children, and say this:

“Look at the seed you planted in me. Look how well I took care of it.”

I like the baby monsters given birth to by AoMM’s Echidna, and for that, I thank Jason Miao. Awwww yeah, I just went Greek mythology on your asses. What? You want the good ol’ Bible Bitchslap? Fine. Fuckin’ “monotheists.” Well, buckle up and brace for impact because I’m about to e-jaculate all over your keyboards:

Jason Miao is the Virgin Mary to my Jesus Christ, and for that, I thank him.

Hopefully, the above picture and the one right before it help illustrate the differences between Christianity and Greek mythology: Christianity got rid of the furries and taught people to be ego-centric. Who the fuck needs siblings? Not Jesus Christ.

Well, I’d say I’ve thanked Jason Miao enough. *retches*

Now I’d like to thank Kaioshin Sama for giving me the opportunity to give thanks where thanks were due. I can now return to hating Jason Miao to my Heart’s Content!

P.S. YES I AM THE MOTHER-FUCKING ANIBLOG MESSIAH.

P.P.S.

Bin Laden didn’t blow up the projects
It was U Jason
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers

P.P.P.S. IN B4 “TOO SOON”

One day I’m in DotQ‘s admin panel by chance and I see a new comment in moderation. This is pretty infrequent (as noted here, I’m even more unpopular now than I was half a year ago so it’s like, negative comments time), so I’m curious and I investigate. Lo and behold, it’s a pingback! On the Night Switch page! From… Sixten?!

And I’m like, “whoa!” I’m like, “since when did people I insult acknowledge me?!” I’m like, “doesn’t this guy suck Jason’s cock nightly? Surely he must know to avoid me! How come I’m not IP banned on his site yet? Is there something wrong with his brain? Clearly Jason hasn’t scrambled it enough! Anal penetrations moar plzplzplz!!”

When I was over my initial squeeing, I actually read the post.

(Some more serious and respectful comments on his post can be found in a post on Dreams of the Quill that I’m writing at the same time as I’m writing this. Seriously. This post isn’t my official response to Sixten’s post, it’s just classic notdotq-style vitriol and idiocy.)

Upon reading, I immediately become livid. The guy begins his post by not knowing who I am (“he (she?)”), which is unacceptable. He also misspells my handle—”LoliKitsune” instead of “lolikitsune.” He then goes on to namefag me (“I suspect Flak and LoliKit are the same person”), as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. On second thought, I suppose it is natural, for him. After all, it’s his idol Jason who was kind enough to namefag Pete Zaitcev.

Sidenote: I don’t portray myself as a loli kitsune. What’s in a name?

Would not a troll by any other name be as odorous?

Sixten concludes the introduction of his post with a demonstration of his illogic. He “decided it was time to read it” after Flak (I), whom he suspected was lolikitsune (me), posted an idiotic comment on his blog whoring Night Switch. I certainly wouldn’t read anything whored in an idiotic comment by someone who (appears to be) spamming in the name of (important side note: the different handles exist for compartmentalizing of online life and internet spheres, not for tricking people into thinking I’m legion). Even if it had to do with Jason Miao. Never. Wouldn’t happen.

Unless, you know, I was trying to get trolling fodder.

Anyway. After this introduction, Sixten launches into a synopsis of various aspects of Night Switch. He describes the background of the story as he sees it (he’s neither too wrong nor too correct for the summary to be full of idiocy or full of spoilers, respectively), and then has a paragraph for three of the characters in the story, complete with ILLUSTRATIONS.

Yeah right.

There is no way this guy has enough time on his hands to read all of Night Switch, draw pictures, AND blog about it in under twenty hours. That’s right—I made my comment less than twenty hours before this blog post went live. There are two possibilities here: he’s either a liar or a NEET. In the first scenario, he’s actually been reading Night Switch for some time, and the illustrations have been sitting on his computer waiting for the day I would foolishly waltz into his blog and comment. In the second scenario, he actually does have that kind of time on his hands.

But I digress.

(Some of the information in his character descriptions is less than accurate—this is addressed in the aforementioned “official response” on Dreams of the Quill.)

Oddly enough, Sixten’s three selected characters don’t have a 100% overlap with the story’s three main characters. He chose to highlight JTFish’s Pedantic Dachshund character instead of the story’s hero, Amtrak worker and religious fanatic Joe. Well, good on him for ignoring the boring characters I guess. The Geass-toting dog is definitely more interesting than the Tetris-obsessed, people-hating Joe.

Here’s where it gets REALLY good, though: after these summaries of plot and character, Sixten analyzes the story a bit. Here’re some choice quotes:

“Unlike Miao Diary, which is mostly styled after fluff anime, Night Switch borrows plot points from more serious and dramatic shows such as Nanoha and Code Geass.” (emphasis mine)

That’s right. He said it. Well, I can only hope for one thing: that he’s only seen two episodes of Code Geass. Any more than that, and he’s just laughing his ass off at me here. Code Geass? Serious? It’s like he’s calling Night Switch a slapstick routine. (Speaking of which, Suzaku slapped Lelouch’s stick in Episode 24 of R2. That was hot.)

“As LoliKitsune pointed out, Night Switch is better than Miao Diary – it’s not a self-insert, wish-fulfillment, mo√© vehicle like that story featuring Jasmine.”

Here he uses a masterful trolling technique known to inspire Troll’s Remorse in lesser trolls. He turns my own cruelty against me in an attempt to make me regret my callous remarks. Thankfully I’m not susceptible, and I stand by my claims that Miao Diary is nothing more than a more modern Megatokyo (read: horse excrement). But still, it’s the thought that counts, as they say. Sixten really tried to drive it into me here.

“It’s as well-written as Jason’s scripts for Heart’s Content”

A nail in the metaphorical coffin, here he compares the quality of my product to the quality of Jason’s. I’ve read AoMM on and off for three years now (on when I wasn’t banned, off when I was) and I have never thought anything special of Jason’s command of the English language. Now, you might say I’m not one to talk. I’m a high school graduate. My writing is far from what I would call “good.” I don’t grammar well. My active vocabulary is often inadequate. But you don’t need to be a good writer to tell a bad one, and I can tell Jason is bad. Horrendously so.

Actually, if my writing is at the level of his, it might be time for me to pull my Megatokyo move.

/me strips, then reaches for lighter fluid and matches

“f Miao Diary is a strawberry marshmallow, Night Switch is a meal of rice, meat, and vegetables. Read it today for a balanced diet.”

What
the
fuck
is
a
strawberry marshmallow?!

Sigh.

Sixten is a formidable opponent. He even made a cover for Night Switch, pictured below. And of course, it lacks Joe. Poor Joe. Never gets any love. I think that’s why he turned to Jesus.

(That’s right, bitch, I hotlinked that.)

Majime na Lolikit
Sixten, you rock. <3

I have always loved Suzumiya Haruhi.

There are no words for her beauty, both of mind and body. As such, I do not have any.