A recap, in case any of you are even more out of it than I was: there’s an Aniblog Tourney happening. That’s right, bitches, aniblog.

“This is the first time!!! SO EXCITED” scream countless aniblogosphere sycophants. But no, sadly, this is not the first time. We had the Anime Blog Awards in 200…8? Lemme check my sidebar. Ah yes. Best Satire Blog 08. To give credit where credit is due, there are two original things about this Aniblog Tourney: first, it’s sucking on Jason’s cock by being set up in a sports-esque bracket (which Josh so kindly SGML-ized); second, I’m not in it.

Am I bitter? Fuck no! Being excluded from this sham of democracy is the best thing that’s happened to me all month!

This also means that I can kibitz from the sidelines with impunity. I won’t look like a narcissistic whore and I won’t look like an emo loser! I’ll just be me, you know, just be me. And then no one be judging me, except me.

All this said in various shades of verbal irony, I shall now move right along to the first round of the Aniblog Tourney without further ado.

My picks are winning for now, but will it all be meaningless in the end?

Every day, two pairs of blogs are voted on. Today, it’s… well, you see the names in the above-srced image. Calamitous Intents and The Cart Driver are winning so far today. This is good, because those are the two blogs I voted for. Why did I vote for them? Funny you should ask!

I voted for Calamitous Intents because that’s where Choux resides. For those not in the know, Choux is a lovely lovely artist who did the female character designs of CCY-senpai wa 17sai. Yes, this is a plain case of personal bias. What? How much did she charge me for the artwork? Zero dollars. Fuck, this looks like corruption in action. So much for democracy!

As for The Cart Driver, I was unfamiliar with the blog prior to today. I was also unfamiliar with its opponent, Sekijitsu, but the choice was pretty easy to make after a quick peek at both sites. First, Sekijitsu has about 600 pixels of the HTML equivalent of drivel before you actually get down to business and read their posts. That’s a big no-no in my book. To make matters worse… well, I’ll let the blog speak for itself:

Do you remember what I said about the originality of the Aniblog Tourney earlier in this post?

Okay, okay, so something can be 100% unoriginal and still be epic, but this is really pushing it.

Moving right along, The Cart Driver is… well, you remember how Code Geass R2 ended? Remember how a certain Mike was orgasming over the idea of Lelouch still being alive at the end? Remember how, grasping for whatever straws he could, he came up with a 4chan rumor that zomg the cart driver is Lelouch!! ? Yeah. The Cart Driver is that cart driver.

Negative points in my book, but said aniblog quickly shoots to the top of my list of good blogs due to the number of pixels between the top of the page and the first post (maybe 100? something sexy like that). All this pored over, The Cart Driver carts home an easy win.

Am I suggesting that my votes are important in any way?

I suppose I am. Please forgive me, oh aniblogospeers.

P.S. just for the record, if rankings in the Aniblog Tourney are primarily based on blog age, how is notdotq not even featured? I was around before half of the participant blogs. ghostlightning? You gotta be kidding me.

I would do a retrospective like lelangir did, but it wouldn’t be too interesting—every few points would be interspersed with “then lolikit gave up aniblogging in an emo rage fit, and closed down notdotq for five months.” Not that I ever stayed away for long, but…

… I do have a habit for, shall we call them, disappearances.

Instead of a retrospective, let’s do a highlights, and without dates, because I care more about the feelings than I do the historical accuracies:

- after one year of animeblogging, notdotq is born on wordpress.com, one of the handful of “first” anime blogs to use wordpress.com, along with jp meyer’s fairy tale of love and courage.

- Jason Miao promises to put notdotq on Blogsuki.

- Jason Miao removes newcomer RIUVA from Blogsuki, refuses to put notdotq on.

- Various bedraggled anibloggers realize that Jason is a cancer.

- Hung builds AnimeNaNo, invites Jason Miao.

- I start spreading my name by creating and maintaining the AnimeNaNo IRC channel. The community is thriving. Mr. Pippers is still an aniblogger.

- Jason still doesn’t join AnimeNaNo.

- So there are no killer lolis in Higurashi, mmmkay?

- Jason says that Japanese anibloggers are better than English-speaking anibloggers. Reason: graphs.

- Beginning of holy anti-Jason crusade.

- Oh by the way Haruhi sucks balls.

- I go to France, where I finish Fate/Stay-night and die a premature death due to suck. While in France, AnimeNaNo takes off like a flock of majestic birds, Japes becomes my friend, and Haruhi 12 blows me away.

- Hung, Japes, and Hinano–later, Japes’ girlfriend, now, his wife–start the AnimeNaNo podcast. Pips and I parody: podcast.dotq.org.

- wait, this is turning into a chronological recounting. SHIT.

Okay. Deep breath.

Here are my top ten moments in animeblogging.

#10. The founding of AnimeNaNo. Shit was so cash.

#9. Blogging Kyoushiro to Towa no Sora, Sola, and Aria the Origination with Shirukii.

#8. That time a newbie added me to her initial blogroll along with the big names–Jason, Jeff, Japes, Omo, etc.

#7. Baka-Raptor informed me that I was the king of trolls. (Or maybe it was ‘trolling king,’ either way.)

#6. Konoe and I enjoy many philosophical discourses over AIM, I publish these discourses (“on disagreement,” etc.), ghostlightning realizes that love needs explanation just the same as hate, various anibloggers begin defending their stances more rigorously, “lolikitean” invented.

#5. Kyousora.com is registered and built. My first exercise in hilarious satirical porn stories, perhaps the genesis of my visual novel project.

#4. Graphs. So fucking many of them. Everywhere. All the fucking time.

#3. When Jason stopped posting for three months. Hell yes. This was also when lots of people (ghostlightning, lolikappa, lelangir) were posting on notdotq. I was being extremely productive and the ‘sphere was looking happy.

#2. Miao on My Mind.

#1. So, CCY-senpai, I herd u were maiking a gaem?

I’m going to stop the nostalgia train here because I’m not being very coherent or classy. This was really just a poor excuse to post more.

Love and peace and rock my song,
-Dr. lolikitsune

[canned introduction] Maria-sama ga Miteru: a show about disgustingly rich girls attending a private school that at once shields them from the harshness of reality and subjects them to the darkest, most horrific thing a girl could go through: romantic friendship with other girls! [/canned introduction]

As DiGiKerot pointed out, there’s a lot wrong with this new season of Maria-sama ga Miteru. This isn’t limited to the OP song change, or to the running in the OP sequence. This episode sees the *gasp* introduction of apparently heterosexual men! In my Hanadera Academy? Obviously it’s more likely than I thought—I would have said the chances were 0%.

Spiral power? “Your sexy lesbian is a sexy lesbian that can pierce the gay man’s gayness?” I don’t even know!

Anyway, this episode sees us approximately one year after the events in episode one of season one. The school festival is coming up, and Lillian Jougakuen’s Yamayurikai is once more holding a play. Once more, the boys from sister gay school Hanadera Gakuen are participating. Once more, there’s some tall, dark, and bishoujo girl bitch who hates men and wants out. Once more, Yumi is given the task of making everything work out.

By the way, Kanako. You want Yumi to remain an angel?

Protip: People die when they’re killed.

Crazy Sachiko, in classic Crazy Sachiko style, informs the actors that the girls and boys will be switching roles. Well, she’s gotten better about gender issues in the last year (remember her moaning about how evil men were?), but this kind of blunt trolling isn’t very attractive. At first Yumi is displeased with her onee-sama’s decision, but then she decides to take it like a good little walking vagina when said onee-sama melts her with her eyes.

Shirukii is also on board with Sachiko’s “meaningful” expressions.

“Rape is imminent.”

In between the Yamayurikai practicing the play and Shimako training her new dog, Yumi has some flashbacks of when she became Crazy Sachiko’s petite soeur. We get some nice piano version of Pastel Pure that almost makes up for the new OP, and… Yoshino suggests that Yumi have a nice anniversary with her onee-sama. I’m starting to see eye-to-eye with IcyStorm here; Yoshino rocks. “Nice anniversary?” Roses, chocolates, a fancy dinner, and a hotel room.

The fanfiction writes itself!

In any event, Crazy Sachiko clearly remembers what day is coming up. She’s got her rape mask on.

Later on, Yumi and Touko are having some problems with their relationship. Thankfully Yumi has learned the lessons taught by Rainy Blue and confronts Touko directly, making a big fuss in front of the Yamayurikai’s sex chapel.

As the school watches in horror, Yumi trills “Ano (Tou)ko wo Rape.”

Now that Maria-sama ga Miteru is current again, I should really do some YFR fic of it, huh?

The stage was set. The metools painted a rainbow over Lillian’s entryway and the Yamayurikai took to the sky in kaiawase formation. Who will profit? Who will get sexxings? Who will make my next blog post funny? So many questions, and a whole another week until episode two…

(The emo girl was emo, but such is the lot in life for those who fall in love with DEAD PEOPLE WHO WERE KILLED. OH EM GEE.)

Fuck Yesssssssssss

Toward the end of the episode, we are informed that Rosa Gigantea is coming back for the school festival. The possibilities are endless. Personally, I’m hoping for the “Sei surprise-sexes Yumi while Yumi is waiting for Sachiko to meet her for their after-festival anniversary-celebratory make-out session” route. Other lovely possibilities include a threesome, an overly-dramatic scene with humongous sexual tension, and a tennis match.

Other coverage by:
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In this post I track the development of a meme. I may sound theoretical and profound, but the entire framework of this exercise is only based on an excerpt from this guide to some fruity way to live life at a higher level.

The excerpt:

6. Like all things, memes fit better with some things than others. Some memes naturally fit better in people’s minds. Some memes naturally fit better with other memes. When a group of memes fit well together and pull the strings of someone’s mouth and vocal cords so that they pass them on to others, a new, self-replicating thing gets created. The new thing is called a memeplex.

Self-replication is the most powerful force in the universe. One person tells two, two tell four, four tell eight, and pretty soon the whole universe is full of people sharing the memeplex.

Sometimes a self-replicating memeplex makes a mistake in copying itself. The memeplex with a mistake in it will either be better, worse, or the same at making copies of itself. If it’s better soon there will be more copies of the new memeplex than the old in the universe.

The only way for a new idea to gain acceptance is by a series of copying mistakes that turn out to be better after all.

And,

8. Every new idea we think of immediately becomes transformed by copying mistakes that change it into something that is better at making copies of itself after all. A key part of the idea may be sacrificed to something better for copying.

The only control we have over the spread of our ideas is in making them as resistant to copying mistakes as possible.

Okay, so let’s pretend that the quotes above are actually true. Now let’s look at this meme that I’ve been following, and have used in a few occasions:

“coming harder than omo”

It contains the ff. elements:

• An orgasm (the objective of most sexual activities)
• Omo (the blogger from the Omonomono blog)

The context for the meme developing finds its genesis in the comments section of this post on Owen’s Cruel Angel Theses blog, which accused omo of being a poseur for playing games and watching anime raw (unsubbed). Big drama in the comments section. Lelangir caught on and gave us this:

See the full comic here. Epic aniblogger metacomedy is epic. The statement actually reads “I already came.” However, the elements are the same: 1. Orgasm, 2. Omo. This gets copied, in sequence, several times:

1. 21stcenturydigital boy, no stranger to aniblogger metasex (lelangir documents his tryst with Omisyth here) posted some pornographic Toradora! fanfic which elicited a comment from lelangir himself:

lelangir Says:
December 15, 2008 at 8:21 PM

I came harder than omo.

2. These came out on the same day.

1st example:

1. Everyone came harder than omo.

   ghostlightning — 12/16/08 @ 5:43 am | #Link | Reply

2. Have you Come Harder Than Omo Yet?

   lelangir — 12/16/08 @ 6:13 am | #Link | Reply

3. @ghostlightning: best aniblog meme to date, gotta thank all the good folks involved for that.

   @lelangir: I’m going to have to find some way of putting that into KYOUSORA.COM as a tagline or something. It’s too genius.

   lolikitsune — 12/16/08 @ 7:14 am | #Link | Reply

2nd example:

ghostlightning Says:
December 16, 2008 at 9:10 PM

MOAR porn. I didn’t go where you went with Ryuji and Taiga, but you know I boned the shit out of Kinon.

Mix anime characters and add bloggers into it. That’ll mess things up quite nicely and everyone can come harder than omo.

Now it can be argued that the repeaters of the meme are forcing it. It doesn’t matter for the purposes of this post that the meme is forced. Looking back at the fruity guide to meme development: in copying the proto-meme, we were all doing it wrong. It is mistakes like this that stick. We now end up with a meme “coming harder than omo” that means what exactly? Not quite sure yet, but I’m very interested to find out.

Dr. lolikit sez:

If we apply lolikitean cryptology to “came harder than omo,” well, we come harder than omo. And because I’m a practicer of schadenfaggen, I don’t intend to share that with all of you. Gweheheh.

For now… go stand in the hallway.

P.S. Here’s to looking at a small blue bird, kid.

Madame lolikappa moans:

Furthermore, we are already beginning to see the way the meme is evolving. Originally it only applied to single people coming harder than omo, but is now increasing in number, spreading to meta-omogasmic aniblogger orgies. Clearly, the meme is well on its way to self-sufficiency, as it strives to find the form of maximum repetition. By switching to a multi-aniblogger mode, it broadens its potential contextuality; anibloggers can refer to entire teamblogs of anibloggers coming harder than omo simultaneously, in a single instance of the meme.

In conclusion, fuck you all, you’re all just goddamn membots, completely co-opted by the meta. You’re one epicly stupid meme away from being memeoids. Watch your asses.

Comrade ghostlightning Re-claims, In Conclusion:

Had to be done, after such an inconclusive attempt at a conclusion. That said, lolikappa’s use of a maho shoujo wand and a dance sequence turning all of you into memecha titillates me into hoping for another memetic neon genesis. See what we did here! In tracking the development of a forced meme we’re forcing an entirely new one! I think I just came harder than omo. This post is omosexual.

In part to commemorate this resurrection, and in part to answer lelangir’s sexual advances, I have posted a new story on said satellite site. It’s a 4-koma, and it’s NSFW. Check it out.

As some of you realized, I made a bold move two posts ago. I drew up and posted my conception of lolikitsune, a maybe-trap-maybe-not loli with fox tail, giving an inelegant finger to anyone and everyone.

DiGiKerot was the first person to do the necessary: he drew fanart.

Following in his footsteps were anonymous and o.s.k., both of whom decided that Rule 34 is a necessary evil item. Both images are NSFW: lolikit rule 34 by anonymous, nanoha x lolikit by o.s.k.. Don’t get me wrong—being crossed with my favorite anime girl ever is not the worst thing that could happen to me. It’s just… Rule 34. lolikit. If you know me in real life, you’re gouging out your eyeballs.

EDIT: apparently, if you know me in real life, you’re drawing your own fanart.

EDIT 2: apparently, if you know me in real life, and if you’re totally fucked up, you’re… … I don’t know what you’re smoking, but whatever it is, it’s strong.

o.s.k. just did to me as Zero did to Orange-kun by writing a fanfic for Kyousora.com that involves Mizunashi Akari of Aria. Rule 14 has decimated my country, salted my fields, and yelled 187 on my mother-fucking corpse. For those unfamiliar with the navigation of Kyousora.com, basically what you want to do is this: click on the “YFR” link on the right side of the main page. Then look at the number in the upper or lower right-hand corners of the main box—it should say “X of 11. Refresh to view MOAR.” And yes, you guessed right—if you don’t land on #11 the first time, just keep refreshing until you reach it.

above pic slightly obsolete, shows “of 9″ instead of “of 11″ but otherwise accurate

o.s.k. is “orangesqueeze-kun.” o.s.k. may or may not be eligible to join the all-girls’ aniblogging round robin. o.s.k. seems to have made it his/her life-long mission to rape all the things I hold dear and precious. o.s.k. does not have a URI. o.s.k. may or may not be one of my whores. o.s.k. is not anonymous.

above pic slightly obsolete, shows “of 9″ instead of “of 10″ but otherwise accurate

a fairy tale of heat and passion

Also, I remember that the blog directory was "osu/", but everyone else calls Os just that, so I didn’t give it a second thought. If he’s detecting "oozing sarcasm", I hope he’s not detecting intentional insulting mis-spellings… Now I observe that the author’s category at Heterochromia does have the "~u". Oh boy, this is awkward.

Don’t feel awkward, Author. Os is Os. I could say that I don’t know where the “~u” comes from (I actually do, but facts have never interfered with this blog before), but whether or not I know is kind of irrelevant. As irrelevant, in fact, as whether or not it’s officially part of his official handle now (trust me, it wasn’t in the past).

How can I make such a confident statement about the irrelevance of your question?

Os is Os. KYOUSORA.COM claims that is so, and KYOUSORA.COM is definitive.

Drumroll, please?

There are some people who like this show.

One of my good internet friends, the webmistress over at Again Tomorrow?. One of those noob anime bloggers, Shadro. Numerous other people as well. This is like Highschool of the Fucking Dead, except instead of zombies, you have people who like shitty anime, and instead of a harem of hot girls, all I have are my trolling powers!

Now, because I need to start the good fight somewhere, and because Again Tomorrow? is my friend, I’m going to have to start a war with that noob anime blogger. First, let’s check the basics: he doesn’t list me on his blogroll? Excellent. He’s not two weeks into blogging (I don’t want to pull another YY maneuver)? Excellent.

And now to mercilessly beat the poor guy to a pulp.

Lolikit Presents…
           A thorough dissection of Shadro’s Kyousora 6 Review!!

“Yeah, I kinda forgot about this series for a bit there. Why though, I have no clue.”

Gee I wonder why. Maybe because it’s forgettable? Naw, that can’t be it. I for one won’t forget how bad it is so easily. Then why indeed…

“It is a good series and this episode has reminded me of that.”

This is episode 6 he’s talking about. The one I didn’t even bother blogging about because it was so shitty? Remember, fucking horse excrement? It’s like, the episode in which they try to pull that Evangelion/Mai-HiME/Kiddy Grade/Lain “what if this was the way things were?” shit, only to rub it in your face that they in fact are incapable of executing powerful show mechanisms like that. It’s like, the episode where Kuu dreams that everything is fake, and then sees herself getting impaled by Kyoushiro (lol, Kyousora.com content coming up on that right thurr!!) only to actually not be dead, or even harmed in the slightest. Also, Kozue doesn’t make her grand comeback, existing only in Kuu’s mind. Maybe Kuu should become the database for Pandora…? Zawmphgue, Interlude/Zegapain references.

“So not only was there a lot of action, but the first half was basically a drug trip…”

I’m with him up through here…

” and it was awesome. “

… but how did he arrive at THAT conclusion, out of all the possibilities? Listen up, kids. There’s ONE anime in which “basically drug trip” worked, and that was Spring and Chaos. No, Paranoia Agent DID NOT WORK. No, the first half of this episode was not awesome. It was like “let’s beat the audience over the head with the fact that we suck. Again. And again. And again. But let’s work some of the most minimalistic pseudo-intelligence into this so that all those poor fuckers out there who like shows like Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu and Paranoia Agent think that this episode is totally kickass!!” It’s not even pandering to the otaku fap-dom. It’s insulting the intelligence of EVERYONE WHO CONSUMES ANIME.

“For not only did it make no real sense”

Warning! Warning! When things don’t make “real sense” it’s not that you can’t comprehend them! It’s that they’re incomprehensible!

“but it questioned everything that happened to that point…only to confirm it was true”

Woot accomplishing nothing. You know what I’ll change my mind. This was the best half-episode of all of Kyousora, because NOTHING HAPPENED, and when NOTHING HAPPENS, that means NOTHING SHITTY IS HAPPENING, right?

“Then after that, there were some crazy fight parts for the other half of the episode.”

Vader: “Luke! The fight parts were crazy with you.”
Luke Skywalker: “Eh? Who told you that?”
Vader: “I dunno. Some anime blogging bloke.”
Luke Skywalker: “Well how crazy were they?”
Vader: “Mmm… about as crazy as a small tsundere loli.”

Not very convincing is it? Yeah? Bonus points to anyone who catches the reference. And no, it’s not Star Wars, you bloody morons.

“3 shinny things fighting each other really does keep you interested.”

Hey, I never knew. I guess that if you’re the kind of person who goes “oooo shiny” (except in the touched sense, not the comedic sense) then yes, THREE shiny things will REALLY make you go “oooo!!” … Mechs have always been selling points for some anime, but Kyousora of all shows really doesn’t do a grand job of making use of its mech. Evangelion showed us the way much like how Sagara taught his rugby team to “Kill! Kill! Kill!”—it demonstrated optimal use of a strategy. Mech can be used to alleviate physical woes from the human cast, giving them time to sulk around and contemplate the meaning of life (hence awesome emo existentialist anime like Zegapain). In Kyousora? All the main character contemplates is how to get her clothes dirty next. Those shiny things fighting? As Nayuki would say, “ima ga nai yo, Yuuichi~”

“Though there was a lot of other stuff going on other than that too.”

Oh? How did you notice? I thought the hot mechxmech action had you completely absorbed?

“It starts to show what happens when mana is given and so on. I really have no clue what that could lead to. Really, the series will keep me guessing, I don’t think there is a way to guess what will happen”

Bitch please. I was making guesses from episode one. Also stop fucking contradicting yourself. If you’re going to say you like shitty anime, at least take a solid stance on it so that intelligent people like myself can attack you coherently! Either it keeps you guessing or it keeps you from guessing, make up your damn mind.

“Overall, it was a good episode and I should have watched it sooner.”

Yeah. You should have watched it sooner, in hopes that your suffering be done.

It is well worth the watch and it looks that it will continue at this standard.

Believe it or not, from episode 6, it manages to get worse! Look forward to it! Speaking of looking forward to shit, is there or isn’t there going to be Haruhi S2? I really hope there isn’t, but if there is, I can sit back and laugh at all you losers watching (and enjoying!!) it!

One thing though, it seemed near the end the animation quality just dropped, it was really weird.

Believe it or not, from episode 6, it manages to get worse! Look forward to it!

Also it should be noted that this guy uses fewer screenshots than I do. His post has 3… my average Kyousora post has 20. I’m the king of minimalist blogging and lack of images; I’m the one to whom you say “tl;dr” as you glance over my 5000-word expositions on the existence or lack thereof of Killer Lolis in Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. And this noob trumped me? Fuuuuuuuuuck. A noob trumps a normal guy, it’s embarrassing. A noob trumps a lolicon, that’s the end of his life!