Lolikit. LK-niisan. Where did you fall so hard? What happened to the trolling? What happened to the violence, the hate, the rage? How is it, that these many years on, I am the sole surviving LK that legitimately dislikes Lucky Star, K-ON, all of it? You had to have known. You had to have suspected. Your irony will only carry you so far, LK-niisan.

I still rage. I still protest. I still leave in rage when my anime club at school puts on Lucky Star. (No, seriously, guys. They made me sit through the first episode. It was SO BAD. What the fuck do you see in this show!? Other than Shiraishi Minoru. Minoru-sama is still god.) I still make obscene jokes about YFR and CJ. I still bitch about Jason fucking Miao. I still fuck up my tags. Nothing will change, in my soul. Call me a dinosaur if you will! A relicant! A fossil of a by-gone era of trolling! But I will hold out. I will make my random unpredictable violent posts that no one gives a shit about. I will keep following the twitters of a dozen anibloggers whose blogs I don’t read. I will keep hating on what I signed on to hate, back in 2005.

I’m not giving up. Never will my hate fade. K-ON is nothing but fucking moeblobs doing what moeblobs do worst: aspire to quality.

So fuck. That. Shit.

.lolikappa

I’m going to show my spite for the whores over at Kyoto Animation and vote against everyone today. Well. That was another easy decision!

Next, people have been accusing me of not being an anime blogger. I can’t accept that. So here goes. Time to blog some animu!

Ookamikakushi vs. Kanokon: an objective analysis

Point 1: male lead is a total pansy
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 2: male lead smells hella good
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 3: male lead is voiced by a girl
O: probably.
K: yes.
Result: K+1.

Point 4: male lead is wanted by many girls
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 5: male lead is wanted by many guys
O: yes.
K: probably.
Result: O+1.

Point 6: male lead smells so fucking good
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 7: wolves!
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 8: male lead smells so good everyone wants to shag him
O: yes.
K: yes.
Result: tie.

Point 9: how does the series attract its viewers?
O: ‘suspense,’ murder, etc.
K: boobs.
Result: K+1.

Final Score
O: 1, K: 2

Kanokon wins by virtue of its fanservice. Hurrah!

Well, as it turns out, ‘Air Out of Order’ has a flashback cost of sacrificing all your lands. Endless Eight is back, and Kyoto Animation is ultimately spent.

There’s no more economy in their company, just Threshold.

Coin-kun is unamused.

Episode 21 is E8.9, and I can now continue telling you all how hard the show fails without watching a single additional episode.

Fuck.

Yes.

It seems KyoAni’s really capitalizing on the Churuya-san stuff. Kyon made this fucking face five times per second.

And I clicked, ‘Delete.’

Never again, quoth the phantomflash, Never again will I desecrate lolikit’s sacred Jasonian (pronounced JAY-SOH-NEE-UN) shrine with my tomfoolery of a trolling attempt. Never again will I trick people into thinking that lolikit is the one posting these posts. Never again will I so much as think of outdoing Kyoto Animation, henceforth, Team Troll.

Never again, quoth the spectralthunder, Never again.

And then a Frosty Hurricane came upon me, and I sampled his scrotal sweat, and I thought to myself, “what a wonderful world.”

Here’s what I watched today:

1. Queen’s Blade 12.

I wondered why this was so bad until I realized I was watching it at 1x instead of 2 or 3x as I usually do bad shows like these. Damn this was painful. Gotta love Nowa, though. Anyhoo, I’d celebrate the conclusion of another terrible series, but there’s gonna be another season! I’m a glutton for punishment, as one of my older brother’s coworkers said the other day.

2. Queen’s Blade Special 1.

I jizzed in my pants… for values of “jizz” equal to “vomit” and values of “in my pants” equal to “all over.”

3. Clannad: Another World, Kyou Chapter

Once again, Tomoya is made shallower such that he can hook up with a girl in the space of two minutes’ worth of montage. Once again, teenagers are melodramatic. Once again, there is a happy ending. Though this episode focused on Kyou, I’m sure Captain Miao is seething—her thighs didn’t feature much. All in all, a bit of a waste of time, though you gotta love Kyoto Animation’s signature stumbling rainy tears.

Apologies for the lack of screencaps. I deleted all three of the above abominations from my computer before I decided to blog them.

Briefly, on the topic of what I’ve been watching recently…

- I started both Touka Gettan and Haibane Renmei. I expect to enjoy both, in different ways. I’ll keep you all updated on how that goes.

- Eden of the East I’m at 5/11 on, and will finish once the opportunity arises (I’m waiting for SAKI to get some free time so we can watch it together).

- Sengoku Brosara is proving to be total shit, but it’s been fun to laugh at the ridiculousness. Unfortunately, starting with Azai’s death the fun factor all but disappeared. Kinda lame. I’ll finish this sometime but it’s not a huge priority…

- Haruhi Hog Summer is repulsive beyond belief. I already could barely stand episode two, stating that it was a worse waste of time than watching Queen’s Blade, and then lolikappa gave me the inside scoop on episode three. Seriously, Kyoto Animation? Go die. Now. Whores.

Eventually I’ll make some progress on the shows I’ve had on hold for a long time: Skip Beat, Mouryou no Hako, Michiko to Hatchin, Zettai Shounen, Kurozuka, Mahou Tsukai ni Taisetsu na Koto: Natsu no Sora, and A Certain Magical Index. I’m also going to rewatch more Aria soon; you can expect some feedback on all of the above at some point, even if it’s not in much depth.

Things I’m not looking forward to: A Certain Scientific Railgun, Darker than Black 2. Both are abominations of the mind. Aberrations as it were. Do. Not. Want.

Finally, I’ve got my netbook, a sexy Dell Mini 10 that had some issues running Jaunty initially but is now puttering along just great with stellar battery life and an amazingly usable keyboard. If I get Ren’py onto the thing, I might be able to work on my VN on the go, which would greatly increase the chances of a v0.05 sometime this summer!

What is this bullshit?!

Kyoto Animation has almost as many posts as the rest of the top 10 list combined. (It’s six short, to be exact.) It’s not a majority, but it’s a disgustingly large plurality, and it. is. not. right.

Comrades, I urge you to fight the power by blogging about good shows for the next week.

Positively taken with the masterful art-style present from episode one of endearing slice-of-life/comedy K-on!, I hung myself upside down from a tree for three weeks in order to contemplate the meaning of my relatively bland existence. I died and was reborn, and when I examined my robes I found them gray no longer. (They were blood-soaked, possibly the result of the runes.) I took a long, soapy bath and, when the laundry finished drying, I looked at my figure in the mirror.

My Days, Jim, has kindly recorded the words I uttered as I examined my new self:

“I have become moe, destroyer of brains.”

(Thanks, Jim.)

As I stood there, transfixed by my own fixation, I realized that I was missing but one thing: a musical instrument. I was going to revive pop music. I quantum divided my hand into a drill, focused on the tones I most dearly wished to reproduce, pierced time and space and the twelfth wall, and—you guessed it—produced my instrument: a shiny new well-greased flute.

Transformation complete, I stand before you on my wobbly spearlegs.

Now, who will be my three accomplices? I know that I’m the most bad-ass thing to ever set foot on the stage of the world, but a band is four (or five?!?!!?!?), not one.

UPDATE: Please post your interest in joining the band in the comments below, along with your cell-phone numbers. You will receive anonymous texts instructing you where to go for your… *ahem*… auditions.

Time for some anibloggerality:

Munto sucks as of episode 7; Kyoto Animation turned the once-intriguing Yumemi into a puddle of moe moe jelly and basically sexified everything. lelangir approved; I just want more Gass. Too bad the guy’s dead because he finished pumping his gas. Har. Har. All he wanted to do was BANG BANG take your akuto. *badabum tshhhhhh*

Clannad After Story’s ending is officially balls, I don’t care what the game-playing purists say. Maybe it’s a good adaptation. A good adaptation of shit is still shit. I’m not saying Clannad’s shit, I’m just saying that this scenario is possible. I do know that the execution viewed objectively was weak, and I do know that the ending felt like Mai Hime 26. Only this time there was no Mashiro-chan to fix things, just a loopy plot that somehow had something to do with some nonsensical dreamscape that just didn’t make sense. Also Fuuko is Fffffffffffffffffffuuko. There—you got it, the invective I promised not to deliver.

Anyway, since that’s all the anime I’ve watched recently, I guess I’ll move onto juicier topics like my life. (I’m just too squeezable for my own good. Some might even call me ‘fruity.’)

Yesterday I helped SAKI relocate her bunnies to a new home, if you know what I mean. You probably know what I mean because I mean what I’m saying, and words are words. Which have meanings. Yeah. There was lots of bittersweetness for various reasons, but mostly it was a good day. I read the first chapter of Twilight whilst lingering at SAKI’s place and I must say, it’s a Shaft production waiting to happen. The sickening overabundance of adverbity is not so dissimilar from Shaft’s overabundance of Photoshop filters—meaningless, trite, a disguise that obfuscates none of the shittiness beneath the underneath.

Ate some delicious curry chicken katsu for lunch (apparently, SAKI’s family is more weeaboo FUCKING AWESOME even than I, and as such eats Japanese foods with more regularity than I—which is to say, more than once a year at anime conventions), which was accompanied by several doses of “oh my god I need to not laugh my food across the table.” I hummed some Loituma and got someone else at the table to struggle against the urge to laugh food across the table, and just now I broke the limit of cluttery anti-flow a lolikit can inject into a single sentence and it just keeps going oh my god I’m going to turn into Faulkner at this rate can you believe it? Tick-Tock.

But enough about yesterday—which concluded with a slew of torrenting and taquitos—and onto today. Because apparently, I’m just blogging my life here now or something.

This morning, I attended my philosophy lecture (History of Modern Philosophy, as you might recall from my course list; currently we are studying some B.S. Ethics), and for the first time in a long time I doodled something in my notebook that wasn’t abominable. Well, it might be abominable, but I was not abominated by it. Maybe my standards have fallen. Maybe I was just happy.

After that, I met up with a high school friend back from college on spring break. This was immensely pleasurable, as I missed this friend dearly. She noted that I was more comfortable in my outgoingness than I used to be. This may be the result of my time stuck in a cubicle last semester, or it might be the result of some decking action.

Speaking of decks, could I get some WOWers to level for me? Hurr hurr hurr.

I ate lots of pizza in the company of good friends and then I went home to mom to shit out half my fullness and sleep off the other half. Finally I made it back to the dorms, a place I’d been avoiding for a week as I tended my cat for my out-of-town father, unpacked ten gallons of clothing and damp towels, thought briefly about the fact that I hadn’t watched anime in weeks and how glad I was that I had no idea what the fuck was going on in the aniblogosphere, discovered that ghostlightning’s illustrious blog had attained the coveted 100th post, cursed my fate for now knowing some of what was going on in the aniblogosphere, and subsequently shut myself out of my dormroom, sans computer, in a frantic search for SAKI, who had similarly secluded herself away from a computer.

Apparently, she was in the library stacks on campus, in the deepest and darkest corner of the trollbooth, drawing ambiguously gay porn.

… I love my life.

EDIT: yes, yes, I’ll post her drawings, up in the Rule 34 section, once I feel giving. Right now, I’m not sharing. Use comes before generosity. Now to go fap to my potentially female self…

Does he not know? I’ve been waging this war on my own for years.

Here you can see DS’s original post, annotated by yours truly.

FUCK REVOLUTIONS, I WANT TO LIVE

DS says some big things, and he’s pretty vehement, but personally, I’m not entirely convinced. This is a new stance, and he has just about no experience dealing with bad anime (maybe he can see Haruhi’s shores from his back porch). I, as someone with a long history of battling anime, would prefer it if someone with more dedication were to take command.

I’m not going to say that I am most fit for this role—I know there are haters greater than I—but I would expect someone with at least half as many credentials to step up to the plate (as opposed to someone with none). Without further ado, I present unto you my credentials:

Exhibit A
Exhibit B

While Exhibit B is an example of my level-headed approach toward serious topics, it is still a commentary on how fucking bad some shitty anime can be. Read it at least three times—it’s deep.

Exhibit C
Exhibit D
Exhibit E
Exhibit F
Exhibit G
Exhibit H
Exhibit I

Sometimes, as exhibited by Exhibit I, I can be an concise anime hater.

Exhibit J
Exhibit K
Exhibit L
Exhibit M
Exhibit N
Exhibit O

In before “fuck anime, I want to live”—Exhibit O is srs fkn bsns, and if you take it lightly then you are just one more growth stemming from the cancer that is killing the aniblogosphere and giving a bad name to anime fans everywhere.

Exhibit P
Exhibit Q

Yes, Exhibit Q was, in fact, trolling on my part. Up yours, Owen.

Exhibit R

I stand by Exhibit R to this day.

Exhibit S
Exhibit T

Exhibit T is easily the coolest thing I’ve ever done.

Exhibit U
Exhibit V
Exhibit X
Exhibit Y
Exhibit Z

DS isn’t Kamina, but that’s no reason not to keep rowing. Bad anime is the power and your hatred is a hatred that will—argh, you get the picture.