But it is also extremely heterosexist.

I don’t usually like making these kinds of assumptions (they tend to fall in the same category as Paranoia Agent’s EPIC FAIL ending of “omg people kill themselves exclusively due to paranoia”), but does anyone else think this might have something to do with Japan’s negative population growth? I remember reading some post(s) somewhere about how an unprecedented percentage of h-manga, etc. not only had ejaculation inside the birth canal, but portrayed it in a positive light in recent times, and that this might be due to national pressure to inspire more pregnancies.

If “things like that” (referring to Jin and Daitetsu being in a homo relationship) “do sometimes happen,” then that’s two fewer impregnated females, right?

Discuss.

Actually, don’t discuss. Go make babies with Japanese school girls. The world doesn’t have enough people in it.

Some highlights (highlight to read, har har):

P.S. I’m only partially trolling. Also, the French rock.

Fuck.

Well that’s just fabulous. So what I thought I’d do was, I’d stop my “Rage Against The Jason” long enough to pull some kind of “hahaha just kidding!!” gag. Figured it’d be funny. Figured it’d be hiiiiilarious. The plan was simple: I’d rename notdotq “Miao on My Mind,” I’d float my layout down a river of jasonisms, and then I’d ride on the wave of my readers’ cum.

The plan was, as stated, simple. And so I executed it flawlessly.

I renamed notdotq “Miao on My Mind.”

I floated my layout down a river of jasonisms.

But.

I guess that there was a hidden “???” step I missed out on, though, because my plan has gone horribly wrong. I’m not profiting. If anything, my coffers are being depleted. Rapidly. If this goes on much longer, I will lose all means of waging war against the monster. I will lose… everything.

As we speak, I’m rowing and rowing against the river of jasonisms I myself caused to spring forth from the metaphorical spring. It’s like my month’s work has become an oppressive power, and I find myself forced by my morals and learning to fight it.

Fuck.

This is my “remorse” face pose.

I know what I did wrong. It’s the inside jokes. I left them open to interpretation, to those of you who weren’t familiar with them. You might not have understood that my use of “oh geass no” in a recent post was my attempt at lampooning Jason for his idiocy. In fact, you didn’t. You thought that my alleged “love” for Jason was true, that it was real. You probably thought you could reach out and touch it, and you probably did reach out, and you probably touched something.

The truth is that I have, in my attempts at satire, in my attempts at parody, in my attempts at destruction, legitimized idol-worship of Jason Miao.

This is Jason raping me and, by extension, the entire EL aniblogosphere.

I will never forgive myself.

Look at Oi, Hayaku! It’s this shit-awful team aniblog that sprung up a little over a month ago. Its pretentious-as-all-fuck prima donna ringleader, Riex, has promised us an “aniblogging revolution.” He promised us a new era, and above that he promised us awesome. He assembled a kick-ass score of gifted writers. Unfortunately, all but one of these were aware of how much Jason Miao blows.

I can only guess that, being the enlightened individuals they are, Riex’s bitches took it upon themselves to read my blog when researching the ‘sphere. It’s a beacon of intelligence, after all, right? Fuck.

And what did they take away? They took away that Jason Miao is the end-all, be-all of anibloggerality and that his method is a method that will pierce the drivel of the modern aniblogging scene. Oh, how wrong. Oh, how misled. Jason Miao’s methods won’t call in a new era. Jason Miao’s methods won’t change anything for the better. Jason Miao is a staple of the old-age aniblogosphere, the one-time tyrant of Blogsuki, the desecrator of good shows and proponent of filth. Jason Miao is a demon, and following in his footsteps is like being the confessor to his Zange-chan. Using his forced memes is like being the art club to his Nagi-sama.

This is what’s happening, and it’s not even behind the scenes.

I’m not trying to say anything bad about Oi, Hayaku. They’re good people. I know that the harsh logorrhea is flowing, but that’s just my mood.

I’m not trying to say that Oi, Hayaku has nothing to offer to the ‘sphere. As I said, it’s more full of good writers than your mom’s vagina is of flutes.

Oi, Hayaku could indeed be great.

But not like this.

And I’m a nice guy. Like Akari, I’m wishing for your happiness. I want Oi, Hayaku to succeed. I want it to revolutionize the aniblogosphere. I want it to rock hard. So I’ll give the fellows over there a piece of advice: it’s not too late. You can still turn back.

beanbrew. Maggeh. However many others of you think that jasonisms are all the rage.

Fuck, I don’t care who you are.

Don’t feed the monster.

Others and I worked our fingers to the bone breaking his hegemony in June 2006. Hung of BasuGasuBakuhatsu and AnimeNaNo is the main star to thank, what with making Blogsuki useless. But there are dozens. Drm and tj han, who stood up to the abuse they and others received. Corydorf, who encouraged me to wage my all-out war against the then-Anime on My Mind. Everyone who made fun of Jason in IRC. Everyone. Everyone worked together, as a team, to defeat the beast.

tj han fields tripeman against jason

And we succeeded. The community thrived outside of Jason’s grasp. We made a world where new anibloggers could set up their sites without knowing about Jason.

And now, more than two years later, those new anibloggers, in their ignorance, are about to be the Hebrews to my God—they’re going to ignore my warnings, my words of wisdom, and they’re going to worship false idols. The message of this paragraph is not that anyone should worship me. It just seems like it is. Seriously. I’m almost writing stream of consciousness here. Why all the punctuation? Shit, man. I think in punctuation.

Anyway.

Don’t do this. You don’t need to. You can find your own funny, and you can use it to power a new generation in the aniblogosphere. You don’t need Jason. He’s a blighting influence. Purge him from your systems. (I’m mixing metaphors so fast you’d think this was an alchemist’s NASCAR track!)

How do trains resemble race cars? Let me count the ways…

But. I can’t talk of myself as if I were a saint, or the chemo, or what have you. Oi, Hayaku’s writers beanbrew and Maggeh drew to my attention my most grievous mistake: I took my satire too far. I obfuscated my sarcasm. People took me seriously. They thought I loved Jason. They interpreted my parroting as adulation. Have they not watched the Colbert Report? But I cant blame them for a lack of insightfulness. I can only blame myself for failing to communicate.

I can only blame myself, and ask that the ‘sphere reconsider. That Oi, Hayaku reconsider.

I repeat: it’s not too late.

You can still turn back.

Mid-post Breaking News!
This just in: Otou-san divulges the fact that Oi, Hayaku’s shittiness is all a ploy to put me out of business.

I was going to add, at the end of this post, that I was at least touched that Maggeh imitated me ( Exhibit A :: a recent graph of mine | Exhibit B :: a more recent graph of Maggeh’s ). But now I see. This whole thing was merely a plot to steal my crown? Fuck that shit. Oi, Hayaku must not receive Best Satire or Funniest at ABA 2009. I’m donning my “fuck these shits” outfit.

This is my “fuck these shits” face.

This is the greatest and best song in the world. . . tribute.

Long time ago, me…

and my brother Kyle here…

we was hitchhikin’ down a long and lonesome road.

All of a sudden,

there shined a shiny demon…
in the middle…
of the road.

And he said:
“Play the best song in the world,
or I’ll eat your souls.”

Well me and Kyle,… we looked at each other,

and we each said…

“Okay.”

And we played the first thing that came to our heads,

Just so happened to be,

The Best Song in the World,

it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
One and one make two,
two and one make three,
It was destiny.

These lyrics are so passé.

Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine

and the moon doth glow

and the grass doth grow oooh…

Needless to say,
the beast was stunned.

Whip-crack went his whippet tail,
And the beast was done.

He asked us:

“(snort) BE you angels?”

And we said,
“Nay.”

“We are but men!”

Rock!!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahn,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not “The Greatest Song in the World,” no.

This is just a tribute.

If you’re wondering what an AMB is, wonder no longer—Akari was curious as well, so I explained it to her.

	What’s an “AMB,” Mr. Lolikit?
	Objection!
	Hahi~! Umm… so, Mr. lolikit, what’s an “AMB?”
	An AMB is like an AMV, minus the video, and presented on a blog. You could call it an Anime Music Blog-post, I suppose.
	Suteki~
	Desho?

Yep, it’s pretty suteki alright. Baka-Raptor told me to ask myself, “what would Lovely Kitsune do?” I can’t just make fun of this excellent show known as Mouryou no Hako. I doubt even Lovely Kitsune could. But Lovely Kitsune also doesn’t blog anything seriously. What would Lovely Kitsune do?

He’d write gimmick posts.

As Toradora! fades, Kannagi continues to impress.

I’m not sure what meaning of “fades” is intended in Karmaburn’s latest post, but Toradora! has, in my eyes, improved over the four episodes I’ve watched. Episode three was a bit of a disappointment after episode two, to be sure, but episode four was very strong in my book. On the other hand, we have Kannagi, a vehicle of moe and typical lulzesque fare. I have yet to discover any redeeming factors in Kannagi. The show’s idea of “interesting plot twists” include nun cosplay, harem development, and… shit… help me here… anybody?

Yeah. I got nothing.

Toradora!, on the other hand, astonishes with a painfully sympathetic male lead (unusual for such shows, as noted by my PR guy) and a psychopathically violent tsundere on a level hitherto unheard of (she is in fact so violent that if she were a real person in my life, she would kill me). Novelties are nice, after a fashion, and Taiga is in fact mindlessly violent to the point of it actually being funny (unlike Louise, who’s just a bitch, or Haruhi, who’s just insane).

What does Kannagi do differently? What impresses about it? Granted, it has some nice character animation, but that does not a good show make. The thing about Kannagi that stands out the most is its OP, which is horrendous when you take a step back from the animation and listen to the song (“YEAH! UNBEREAVABAL!!”). Also, close scrutiny of the choreography reveals that it is atrocious; Nagi flails around like a still-born fish suspended from a string.

And ultimately, as Evirus himself notes, the dance is no more than a continuation of Haruhi’s legacy. Maybe he thinks that’s a good thing.

Me? It makes me puke.

I was looking forward to Kannagi, having heard that it was supposed to be boring slice of life (I blame THAT). Toradora! I went into with absolutely no hope, expecting it to be a grim continuation of Kugimiya Rie’s “legacy.” Even had I had no hope for Kannagi, though, I can’t help but feel like it’d be turning me off in the same way it is now, given past trends.

So—Toradora! is fading? And Kannagi is the pleasant surprise of the season? I don’t believe it.

Bitches be trollin’.

This was two days ago, now, and there’s no way I’m going to reread that post, so I unfortunately cannot tell you why I picked what I did. I like to think I tended to polarize at the two ends of the fail spectrum (you know, fail, and less fail) and went with shows I thought I’d either like or hate, but no guarantees. The “resource” wasn’t too resourceful and I ended up making some wild guesses. Anyway, expect at least one post each on all of these shows, and expect at least half of those to be scathing:

ChäoS;HEAd
ef – a tale of melodies
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka
Kurogane no Linebarrel
Toradora!
Skip Beat
Shikabane Hime: Aka
Clannad ~After Story~
Michiko to Hatchin
Kannagi
Tales of the Abyss

With any luck I’ll be blogging regularly this fall. I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be. Other than, you know, having a job (or two, or three). And maybe trying my hand at NaNoWriMo. Anyway, there should be some free time in there which I can dedicate to bashing shit.

In less well news, I’m down a weapon from my arsenal.

… graphs.

And why am I down graphs?

Because fucking Steve fucking Jobs and fucking Apple fucking broke fucking Photoshop fucking 7 in fucking Leopard.

Thankfully, Google, in classic Athena-senpai style, is still pretending to be an ally of mine:

I shall learn this Google Charts thing, and I shall use it well.