“What did we do to deserve this shit?”

I’ve said my bit about the flaws in the show. I won’t repeat myself here. But I am amused. Not because the show made me laugh. Not because the show made me cry. Nor, in fact, because the show was so goddamn stupid to the point of becoming an instant classic.

Rather, because the aniblogosphere is so incredibly predictable.

It’s like, seriously, guys? Are we so important? (Oh, right, bloggers, n.—self-important egomaniacal masturbators) If there’s a chance to rage, we rage. If there’s a chance to mock others for raging, we mock others for raging. Everyone sits on their own high horse, be it moral (“I can’t stand incest! I thought this show was above that!”), aesthetic (“I can’t stand Kirino! I thought she was better than bitchdere!”), or meta (“I can’t stand these other bloggers! I thought they would manage to keep their heads on!”).

As OreImo’s fourth episode proliferates its scars across the aniblogosphere, we’re rapidly turning into a cavalry regimen.

And I?

I stand proudly with my feet each on the saddle of two separate horses, wielding my axe high above my head. “Bring it,” cries the the good doctor, “show me one of you to rise above this pointless bickering!” I watched, I waited. Forty-eight painful hours passed by. And finally, at long last, a challenger stepped forward: someone who promised change, someone who expressed disdain on the meta-anibloggery level, someone who ostensibly sought to rise above the “shitstorm.”

And that challenger’s name was Valence.

mmm graphs

He laughed, he cried, he pointed out the idiocy. Here we have a man truly touched by the full gamut of animemotions! Both accepting his annoyance with the show and his undying love for it, he indicated the irony inherent in his own stance. And to top it all off, he did this all by applying graphs to the show.

I think the crowning grace of this post is that in the same single image he damned OreImo, penning a discomfort index, and made an extremely derpy concession: note where the fanservice scene lies. Yes. That’s right. A local minimum in the discomfort index.

Beautiful.

Truly a scholar and a pervert, Valence sets an example for the enti—

What?

The post continues beyond the image? Wait a sec…

Before you accuse me of being a hypocrite, I admit, this post sounds critical, I know. But what I want is for everyone to just relax.

You can flame each other once the show is over.

What the fuck is that?

Qualifying beyond qualification, equivocating beyond equivocating, hedging beyond the hedge. “Before you call me a hypocrite, I know I’m a hypocrite!” … isn’t that hypocrisy ‘sono mono’ ? Jeez. So much for Valence’s valence.

One potential messiah debunked and defenestrated, the good doctor returns to waiting. He sits. He waits. He sits. He waits. Will another challenger appear? One who will unite the aniblogosphere behind a banner of #animehipster uncaring, one who will bring irony and justice but most of all ironic justice to bear in our eternal fight against the chilling effects of the eternally raging shitstorm?

In simpler terms, “can’t we all just get along?”

Valence betrayed us by putting an expiration on his proposed truth. We can attack each other to our heart’s content once the show is over. Sounds like American politics: “just wait a bit longer…”

Can we all just get along?

No.

And I, Dr. lolikitsune, am perfectly fine with that.

KIRABOSHI~★

Have you ever encounter situations where you need to create a simple yet good-looking chart, graphs or diagrams and all you have is your browser? Charts are good and effective way to show relationship between entities …

Here’s looking at you, kid.

I would do a retrospective like lelangir did, but it wouldn’t be too interesting—every few points would be interspersed with “then lolikit gave up aniblogging in an emo rage fit, and closed down notdotq for five months.” Not that I ever stayed away for long, but…

… I do have a habit for, shall we call them, disappearances.

Instead of a retrospective, let’s do a highlights, and without dates, because I care more about the feelings than I do the historical accuracies:

- after one year of animeblogging, notdotq is born on wordpress.com, one of the handful of “first” anime blogs to use wordpress.com, along with jp meyer’s fairy tale of love and courage.

- Jason Miao promises to put notdotq on Blogsuki.

- Jason Miao removes newcomer RIUVA from Blogsuki, refuses to put notdotq on.

- Various bedraggled anibloggers realize that Jason is a cancer.

- Hung builds AnimeNaNo, invites Jason Miao.

- I start spreading my name by creating and maintaining the AnimeNaNo IRC channel. The community is thriving. Mr. Pippers is still an aniblogger.

- Jason still doesn’t join AnimeNaNo.

- So there are no killer lolis in Higurashi, mmmkay?

- Jason says that Japanese anibloggers are better than English-speaking anibloggers. Reason: graphs.

- Beginning of holy anti-Jason crusade.

- Oh by the way Haruhi sucks balls.

- I go to France, where I finish Fate/Stay-night and die a premature death due to suck. While in France, AnimeNaNo takes off like a flock of majestic birds, Japes becomes my friend, and Haruhi 12 blows me away.

- Hung, Japes, and Hinano–later, Japes’ girlfriend, now, his wife–start the AnimeNaNo podcast. Pips and I parody: podcast.dotq.org.

- wait, this is turning into a chronological recounting. SHIT.

Okay. Deep breath.

Here are my top ten moments in animeblogging.

#10. The founding of AnimeNaNo. Shit was so cash.

#9. Blogging Kyoushiro to Towa no Sora, Sola, and Aria the Origination with Shirukii.

#8. That time a newbie added me to her initial blogroll along with the big names–Jason, Jeff, Japes, Omo, etc.

#7. Baka-Raptor informed me that I was the king of trolls. (Or maybe it was ‘trolling king,’ either way.)

#6. Konoe and I enjoy many philosophical discourses over AIM, I publish these discourses (“on disagreement,” etc.), ghostlightning realizes that love needs explanation just the same as hate, various anibloggers begin defending their stances more rigorously, “lolikitean” invented.

#5. Kyousora.com is registered and built. My first exercise in hilarious satirical porn stories, perhaps the genesis of my visual novel project.

#4. Graphs. So fucking many of them. Everywhere. All the fucking time.

#3. When Jason stopped posting for three months. Hell yes. This was also when lots of people (ghostlightning, lolikappa, lelangir) were posting on notdotq. I was being extremely productive and the ‘sphere was looking happy.

#2. Miao on My Mind.

#1. So, CCY-senpai, I herd u were maiking a gaem?

I’m going to stop the nostalgia train here because I’m not being very coherent or classy. This was really just a poor excuse to post more.

Love and peace and rock my song,
-Dr. lolikitsune

There were like, five panty shots in Hatsukoi Limited Episode 1. I’ve seen panties maybe twice in my life

As you can see, the sky is the limited.

I tremble at the prospects.

On a more serious note, more, please? I’m interested in what’ll happen when Ayumi finds out that no, just because Misao’s opponents were cowardly, he is not necessarily a Good Guy. It is far more likely that both he and his opponents are just a bunch of dogs who are in need of a good euthanasia. She will then be caught between three unpleasant decisions: running away with Misao, having an abortion, and raising the kid on her own.

What?

She’s not pregnant?

Really?

I do believe that Misao fits the mold put forth by Full Metal Panic‘s Kaname Chidori: “it feels like I’ll get pregnant just being around these guys.” Sure, he’s not a rugby player, but he could be a pretty balling one.

Anyway. The show’s most serious failing is the same as that which bewitched Ichigo 100%‘s anime adaptation cannibalization: voices. I haven’t forgotten how disgusting Junpei sounded, and I’ll never forget how disgusting Ayumi &c. sound. It’s just pain, brothers. Just pain.

And, as you all know, I thrive on pain (look at MAL for a confirm on that one).

*eagerly acquires the second episode*

P.S. Tangential: when do we get a Pretty Face anime?

Update: Episode 2 was a disaster; Kusuda is terrible.

Yet these hands will never know KIRA~☆

Kaioshin Sama of internet infamy (mostly due to his trollish appearance, which in turn is mostly due to the fact that he has taste and a brain) has issued a challenge to me in the comments of one of RABURI RABURI ghostlightning-chan’s suteki My Hometown-style hippie anti-war pro-love posts. **I move away from the mic to breathe in** The post had been about how people shouldn’t mindlessly hate things, and I had sort of “derailed” (har har) the comments by my introducing my belief that love should be justified just as much as hatred, and that people should always be able to back up their evaluations of shows (and studios).

While we were on the topic of thinking and challenging oneself to be more critical, Kaioshin said:

And if you are looking for a challenge I have one for you. Find me something good that Jason Miao did in terms of blogging……..ever. I have a feeling that I’ve sent you on a wild goose chase, but this could prove interesting nonetheless.

I could point at the sky walls of this blog and yell “Who the hell do you think I am?!” but, as some shrewd observers might observe, the Jason Miao love evident on this site is merely high-level mendacity in its most convoluted form. I have no love for Jason Miao. I am not his biggest fanboy. I cannot point at his forced memes and say “BEHOLD!” while crushing Kaioshin’s challenge in his face.

Two drills, of hand and tail combined—the unison of Vindication, Loli-Kitsu!!

Well, I could. But shouldn’t there be some limit to how sarcastic I can be?

Having decided to take Kaioshin’s challenge seriously, I shall now present unto the aniblogosphere the two and a half good things Jason Miao has done “in terms of blogging,” which I take to mean both “behavior helpful to anibloggers” and “spectacularly legendary blog posts that stimulate the ‘sphere.”

2.5 – Jason Miao liberated Sixten

Were it not for Jason Miao, aniblogosphere illustrator-commenter extraordinaire Sixten would not be the appreciable source of lulz he currently is. Yes, in order to unleash Sixten’s Miao Diary upon the world Jason first had to indenture the poor guy and give him one hell of a complex. Check out this quote:

I am not taking commissions right now, except from family members or Jason Miao (who can always get work from me for free if they ask nicely). – Sixten, Artists are cheap

My interpretation? This guy is whipped.

In any event, it is fact that Sixten was bound to Jason and it is fact that Jason set him free. This is perhaps the best thing Jason has done character-wise; it reflects well on him. I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing he’s done in terms of blogging (hence this point only being ranked #2.5), but it’s pretty good. The Sixten we know today is breaking people everywhere while producing and sharing enjoyable artwork. He’s a positive force in the aniblogosphere, using his art to comment on developments in the community.

It’s good to have the present-day Sixten, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

1.5 – Jason Miao ran Blogsuki horribly

Because Jason was an elitist prick and Blogsuki was nothing more than Jason Miao’s personal feed reader masquerading as a service to the aniblogocircle, there was room for Hung to come on stage, create Animeなの, and weave a basket from the lonely reeds.

Had Jason run Blogsuki well, the aniblogosphere would have evolved very differently. It’s a good thing he fucked up.

What? “How did he fuck up,” you ask?

Well, riddle me this. Can you load Blogsuki? Fuck off.

It’s good to have the present-day ‘sphere, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

0.5 – Jason Miao is the aniblogosphere’s Virgin Mary

I always pin my genesis as an aniblogger on Fred Gallagher, because one of his Megatokyo rants got me to watch AIR, and that was around the time I was a regular poster on the AnimeSuki forums, through which I encountered Lovely Kitsune. And this is with good reason, for were it not for Lovely Kitsune I would have no idea what anime blogs are. He was also the one to introduce me to blogrolls (I remember he hated bluemist for placing him on his blogroll) and AIM blocks (I hero-worshipped him because I didn’t know better).

From my first post regarding the 2008 Anime Blog Awards:

Lovely Kitsune blogged epic on AIR, and it’s arguable that without him I would not have started anime blogging, and that without that, ANO’s IRC channel would have never been created, and that without that, the ANO community might never have come together, and well… the possibilities run wild from there. But basically, Jason Miao would still run the aniblogosphere.

But all that said, Lovely Kitsune merely gave me awareness. The one who propelled me into creating “notdotq, seriously!” and the lolikitsune persona was none other than Jason Miao. Thanks to his hard work creating this post, singularity was avoided and the present we know is the true and correct present.

I’ll have you notice a few things about this post of his: first, it’s tongue-in-cheek, second, it’s funny, and third, it’s mostly useful. Unbelievable, right? I mean, this is Jason Miao we’re talking about!

… it’s high time I check my quality rating again.

But I digress! Back on the topic of hand, that post got me to begin blogging anime. Now, I ask that you look around you. Were it not for me, would Animeなの’s community have developed as it did? Take a moment to chew on that one. Would Dr. Japes and Hinano be getting married? Would Os have cycled through four team blogs or would he have given up when his friends in KonOSono bailed on him? Would Owen have ever begun blogging? Would he have formed the ABC? Would I have met Author and Sixten? Would I be making a crappy visual novel?

THAT would not have been formed.
Riex would not have joined THAT.
Riex would not have been unhappy with THAT.
Riex would not have launched Oi, Hayaku!
ghostlightning would not have started his blog.

All these “what ifs” build on each other’s shoulders. Really, it’s a circle jerk of hypotheticals, and I could ramble in Aozora Loops about the possibilities, but I think that there are some fairly simple chains of events leading from that one post of Jason’s in early 2006 to the aniblogosphere we frolic around in daily as 2008 comes to a close.

I’m not trying to say that I’m the central pillar of the EL aniblogging community (though I might if I were being less serious). I’m just pointing at the fact that Jason Miao set great things in motion, albeit unintentionally.

So I’d like to be the Raigyo to Jason’s white-haired children, and say this:

“Look at the seed you planted in me. Look how well I took care of it.”

I like the baby monsters given birth to by AoMM’s Echidna, and for that, I thank Jason Miao. Awwww yeah, I just went Greek mythology on your asses. What? You want the good ol’ Bible Bitchslap? Fine. Fuckin’ “monotheists.” Well, buckle up and brace for impact because I’m about to e-jaculate all over your keyboards:

Jason Miao is the Virgin Mary to my Jesus Christ, and for that, I thank him.

Hopefully, the above picture and the one right before it help illustrate the differences between Christianity and Greek mythology: Christianity got rid of the furries and taught people to be ego-centric. Who the fuck needs siblings? Not Jesus Christ.

Well, I’d say I’ve thanked Jason Miao enough. *retches*

Now I’d like to thank Kaioshin Sama for giving me the opportunity to give thanks where thanks were due. I can now return to hating Jason Miao to my Heart’s Content!

P.S. YES I AM THE MOTHER-FUCKING ANIBLOG MESSIAH.

P.P.S.

Bin Laden didn’t blow up the projects
It was U Jason
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers

P.P.P.S. IN B4 “TOO SOON”

This is the greatest and best song in the world. . . tribute.

Long time ago, me…

and my brother Kyle here…

we was hitchhikin’ down a long and lonesome road.

All of a sudden,

there shined a shiny demon…
in the middle…
of the road.

And he said:
“Play the best song in the world,
or I’ll eat your souls.”

Well me and Kyle,… we looked at each other,

and we each said…

“Okay.”

And we played the first thing that came to our heads,

Just so happened to be,

The Best Song in the World,

it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
One and one make two,
two and one make three,
It was destiny.

These lyrics are so passé.

Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine

and the moon doth glow

and the grass doth grow oooh…

Needless to say,
the beast was stunned.

Whip-crack went his whippet tail,
And the beast was done.

He asked us:

“(snort) BE you angels?”

And we said,
“Nay.”

“We are but men!”

Rock!!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahn,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not “The Greatest Song in the World,” no.

This is just a tribute.

If you’re wondering what an AMB is, wonder no longer—Akari was curious as well, so I explained it to her.

	What’s an “AMB,” Mr. Lolikit?
	Objection!
	Hahi~! Umm… so, Mr. lolikit, what’s an “AMB?”
	An AMB is like an AMV, minus the video, and presented on a blog. You could call it an Anime Music Blog-post, I suppose.
	Suteki~
	Desho?

Yep, it’s pretty suteki alright. Baka-Raptor told me to ask myself, “what would Lovely Kitsune do?” I can’t just make fun of this excellent show known as Mouryou no Hako. I doubt even Lovely Kitsune could. But Lovely Kitsune also doesn’t blog anything seriously. What would Lovely Kitsune do?

He’d write gimmick posts.

10. YFR, noun.
ex. Kyoushiro to Towa no Sora never delivered the hot YFR.

9. YRF, noun.
ex. When there’s YFR, you know someone’s got their hands on one of those YRFs.

8. graphs, sign of superiority.
ex. I’m as awesome as the Japanese because I put graphs in my posts.

7. loliyuri ice cream, cake.
ex. Loliyuri ice cream is moist and delicious.

6. friendship, noun.
ex. Jason and I share a healthy friendship.

**I move away from the vocab lessons to share some some interesting numbers

5. Baka-Raptor, dinosaur.
ex. Dinosaurian Baka-Raptor is dinosaurian.

4. beanbrew, jason.
def. see here
ex. Fucking beanbrew. (Gee whiz, lolikit, you’re laying the references on thick!)

3. jasonism, noun.
def. a unit of culture pushed by a single person onto a willing crowd of zombie-esque followers
ex. I am currently studying for my Internet Ph.D. in jasonisms.

2. no more, dream.
ex. What everyone wanted was no more raping at the hands of AT&T, but that was just a dream, just a dream.

1. I’m going to go vote tomorrow, promise.
ex. see below

This is my “I’m going to go vote tomorrow” face. Look forward to my typhoon of patriotism!

I think this is fairly self-explanatory…

This was two days ago, now, and there’s no way I’m going to reread that post, so I unfortunately cannot tell you why I picked what I did. I like to think I tended to polarize at the two ends of the fail spectrum (you know, fail, and less fail) and went with shows I thought I’d either like or hate, but no guarantees. The “resource” wasn’t too resourceful and I ended up making some wild guesses. Anyway, expect at least one post each on all of these shows, and expect at least half of those to be scathing:

ChäoS;HEAd
ef – a tale of melodies
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka
Kurogane no Linebarrel
Toradora!
Skip Beat
Shikabane Hime: Aka
Clannad ~After Story~
Michiko to Hatchin
Kannagi
Tales of the Abyss

With any luck I’ll be blogging regularly this fall. I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be. Other than, you know, having a job (or two, or three). And maybe trying my hand at NaNoWriMo. Anyway, there should be some free time in there which I can dedicate to bashing shit.

In less well news, I’m down a weapon from my arsenal.

… graphs.

And why am I down graphs?

Because fucking Steve fucking Jobs and fucking Apple fucking broke fucking Photoshop fucking 7 in fucking Leopard.

Thankfully, Google, in classic Athena-senpai style, is still pretending to be an ally of mine:

I shall learn this Google Charts thing, and I shall use it well.

on may 7th, I posted about ARIA

Yesterday, Baka-Raptor called me the Troll King:

This inspired me to make the above graph, since like, I’ve been playing too many card games in Physics lately. At the expense of paying attention. Of course. But I digress. I always imagined Owen as the queen to my king, but recently he’s been less of a troll and more of an asshat, so you can see his downward trend. Baka-Raptor, on the other hand, has just perfected a new technique, furthering his ascent toward dipfaggerism trollish greatness.

I’m totally jealous of it.

Hisatsu: Maul Comment

Baka-Raptor has become an Censorship-Raptor, and that’s perfectly okay because he’s gotta be one of those enlightened few who realize that there are only ever three reasons for doing anything: great justice, lulz, and spinal reflexes. Knowing Baka-Raptor and knowing his style and how he rolls, he’s clearly doing it for the lulz. Censorship is only bad if it’s done for great justice, so I can forgive him.

I mean, I can forgive him the censorship.

But I won’t forgive him for trumping me. I’m well known for trolling the shit out of my own comments. And yet. I have never edited anyone else’s comments. I’ve come to the conclusion that, as a counter-measure, I must immerse myself in renewed study of trollnomics. Perhaps by raising aggregate trolling equilibrium one notch, or perhaps by shifting a couple degrees up on my Lulz Possibility Frontier, I can resume my role of Troll Ace.

Of course, I won’t pursue education all on my lonesome. I’ll share some of my soon-to-be infinite knowledge with you my readers. Enjoy.

if the trolling is lame, Mike doesn’t like it. and yet, it becomes easier for me to supply it! once again I find myself dealing with scarcity…

Totally off-topic, but it seems like Daijoubu Dango is a magnet that attracts my best comments. Seriously, take a look at that second link, at that beauty. It’s got as many layers of potential meaning as Lain.

if overall troll levels (troll sub 1) are increased, value of trolling goes down (see: lulz %). however, if overall troll levels remain constant (the natural rate of trolling) and troll demand increases, more people are tickled pink by my lulz (value of trolling goes up)

Alright, I’m done being a dick for right now. Time to share the best thing I’ve ever made:

If someone wants to color that / make banners / fap, go ahead. It is delicious caek. Anyway, I think I’ll leave off with a bit of metametabloggery. What follows is a quote from anime|otaku.

He is conventional in his blogging because it’s what he excels at. Daniel doesn’t mind repetition, and he’s moderately successful (look at all those comments!), so why does he need to change? I disagree with the fact that Daniel wants to be freer, though. He’s a very free guy, and writing like the literary critic he’s training to be is I believe what he feels to be the best for him.

Now, what he’s saying on an analytical level is less important than what he’s saying on a categorical level. What we see here is Mike—Mike the reader, Mike the writer, Mike the intellectual—doing something that only crappy trolls somewhat like myself do: metablogging. And that is the closest approximation to the desired results of the wonders of /i/ :: epic lulz.