I saw the challenge of the Ultimate Post call-out, and felt the need to show digiboy that picking strong allies is only one factor in deciding the victor. He got Baka-Raptor, he got ghostlightning—formidable opponents, to be sure, but not the best team players. I used science to determine which trinity of anime bloggers would form the best gattai and, swallowing my pride, called up three old enemies: Jason Miao, Sixten, and Pete Zaitcev.

Surprisingly, they answered my call—Jason seems to have gotten over the fact that my sense of humor uses his as its urinal, Sixten seems to have overcome the trauma dealt him when I told him to remove the “amateur” qualifier from his About page, and Zaitcev seems to have finally accepted the truth about my Night Switch series (that it’s not serious, and thusly not a left-wing alarmist allegory)—and here they are, full of fight, ready to put digiboy in his place.

Please, listen to their song.

J.C. Staff’s A Certain Anime Blog Post, Twittered

In 2008, when J.C. Staff announced that they had acquired the rights to do a movie adaptation of Kazuma Kamachi’s A Certain Anime Blog Post (TOARU ANIME NO BLOG), there was much rejoicing in the aniblogosphere. Here’s an idea of how pumped people were for this thing:

“just read the 6 chapters in one go, pretty good stuff. too bad it’s only one novel…” – boo

“I mean, wow Jason.
I still feel like Kamachi and Haimura should reconcile and continue work on Index, give it another 24 episodes, and that might fix the uneven narrative. They could even shoe in a Kuroko arc!
This new story’s lame in comparison.” – Myssa Rei

“Needs more Index. Cutest one there. No way to have TOARU Anything when Kamachi eliminated all partner artists with penises.” – Haesslich

“Riiiiight. Specifically pick up on the gay innuendo that’s used as a gag. And keep repeating Touma penetrating Stiyl jokes because THAT’S what J.C. Staff was getting at. Don’t worry, though, I still love you jason :)” – Beowulf Lee

Yes, these are my readers… and they weren’t particularly enthralled with the prospect of Blog Post, no. But other bloggers were. Ones more into the whole meta thing. And ones more into J.C. Staff (which really should have folded after Takasu passed up on the Minorin buffet in episode 18). And that’s why Author and Sixten are joining me today as we pick apart the Blog Post movie.

First, to clear up some misconceptions people had about the movie prior to its release in Japan, because these were rampant.

4. J.C. Staff announced a movie, so it’s going to be high quality.

The truth of the matter is that you can only have so many minutes of people looking at a computer screen before the audience gets bored. If people were watching basketball on their computer screens, it might be an interesting exercise in breaking the fourth wall. You could have a show about basketball, but it’s actually about people watching basketball—you could get into the mentality of sports fans, and a lot of people would relate to that.

But no. The Blog Post book is about just that, a blog post. There’s nothing interesting about that. I mean, a fanservice blog at least! Melonpan! But it’s just a blog.

And you can only have so many minutes of that, so they chose to make a movie instead of a TV show.

3. J.C. Staff announced a movie, so it’s going to be at least an hour long.

Nope. It’s almost as if the director, after having spent the entire budget on tacos and lapdances—and subsequently putting the animation studio out of employment temporarily—, wrote in to the producers suggesting that they steal footage from other anime rather than rely on J.C. Staff’s, well, staff.

According to Heisei Democracy, a month before Blog Post hit the theaters, JASRAC smelled blood and cracked down on the already-sorry production. Half of the major animation studios whose content had wound up in Blog Post sued, and so half the movie was simply cut. It’s twenty-seven minutes long… almost short enough for a normal TV spot.

2. J.C. Staff set the release date as May 2010, so they gave themselves a long time to make sure the film would be a masterpiece.

For those who read the original light novel, you know there’s some magic even in something as mundane as a story about an animeblog post. Namely, Kamachi described several bits of web technology that simply didn’t exist back in the day. J.C. Staff—always concerned with realism—decided to consult with Google and subsequently scheduled the film to come out only after Chrome’s speed test videos proved that yes, the internet IS faster than a potato gun.

1. There would be graphs.

I am guilty of this one, I admit—I anticipated an anime about a Japanese anime blogger to include at least one or two graphs. Unfortunately, it seems graphs fell out of fashion in the Japanese-language blogosphere shortly after Spring 2006, and we’ve been following in the footsteps of mediocrity for the past four years.

I would insert a graph of graph decline here, but eh. I need to be trendy.

Well, let’s get down to business, shall we?

Sixten: before Jason scares off all our readers—or worse, encourages people to not watch the film—it should be said that even though this is slice-of-life (bordering on iyashikei, no less), there is still that authentic J.C. Staff tsundere flavor. If you’ve considered selling your soul to J.C. Staff as I did, you can’t afford to miss this movie. I know it’s hard to compete with Haruhi’s disappearance, especially when that movie made it clear that it was serious with Windows 95 footage, but I think true fans such as myself may well end up remembering Blog Post as the best anime of 2010.

Author: I also have a brief note before we get deep into the bones of it. Evirus noted something interesting in an e-mail reply to my post about Pizza Hut:

“Did you wonder about all those fuzzy black squares in Blog Post? I hear the majority of the budget came in the form of Pizza Hut sponsorship; once the news with JASRAC broke that poor director was forced to censor all the Pizza Hut boxes in his show for fear of incriminating the chain.”

“Poor director?”

He’s just lucky he didn’t get AIDS from all those strippers. In any event, you will no longer be confused by the fuzzy black squares!

UPDATE: we’ve updated the post to use screenshots from the uncensored version. Er, the Pizza Hut is still gone, but the black squares are, too! No trace of the pizza chain remains.

lolikitsune: No, stop there, guys. We’re at 2330 words, and the limit is 2500. I know Author is a man of concision, but if you drag Sixten into a digestive discussion this could go on forever. Thank you, all of you.

So the only other person who participated in the contest was digitalboy. He picked the team of ghostlightning, Baka-Raptor, and Shin. He thought he would win. I talked to him yesterday—he still didn’t know I was participating, one day before the deadline—and he told me that baaaawwww, his buddies abandoned him.

I suggested that he publish the current working draft for his ultimate post, and he laughed.

I was thinking about making th epost called ‘Fuck You Guys, I’ll Make My Own Damn Ultimate Post’ and then talk about why these kind of projects fail lol – digiboy

Protip to digi, and, well, to everyone.

The secret to success with group projects such as these is to not rely on anyone else. ;)

I was ready to Disappear into the Summer, but lelangir sucks at improv. Three simple letters—a “w,” a “u,” and a “t”—informed me that either my attempt at humor was, as drmchsr0 might say, a poor imitation of my past self, or that the ‘sphere just wasn’t ready for a Second Ascension.

But what really triggered me to end this sham was the following post from CCY: K-ON! Is a Lot Like a Little Sister. Not because it made me laugh nor because it made me cry, but because it was so goddamn stupid to the point of becoming an instant classic.

Really, Senpai-kun? Really?

In a world where there is so much strife, so much unwarranted competition, such rife capitalism, so much disease, so many religious faggerjacks, and so little money, you’re worrying about K-ON!’s quality?! My bad. He has stopped worrying about K-ON!’s quality.

Actually, I didn’t read the fucking post. Knowing CCY, and knowing his opinion of Lucky Star, I know that reading the post would send me into a frothing fit of fury.

But one thing in the introductory paragraph stood out to me:

Even though I would love to return to the spotlight at the same time as lolikitsune, acting as his most disturbing senpai, the words aren’t flowing yet.

Pictorial evidence, Exhibit A:

Apparently, the “L” in “LK” is the better half.

But now isn’t the time to poke fun of Senpai’s CSS. Who the fuck cares if his text floats all over the place? I sure as hell don’t. The “point” here, as Kero would say, is that CCY thinks I’m making a return to the spotlight. Am I? I don’t even know! But I’ll keep playing this idiotic game as long as you morons keep inflating my ego with your comments, your tweets, your blog posts, your prayers.

So I’m back now? Fuck if I know. I’ll hedge this one to the ends of the earth.

What did you just mouth, Jim? I need to post about anime in order to be back? Ffffffffff. Well, I guess I’ll make a token attempt in order to please Senpai.

Guin Saga: Plus: pretty backgrounds. Con: Lemus. Reminiscent of: Jyu Oh Sei x Shadow Warrior Chronicles. Dropped after one episode.

Hanasakeru Seishounen: Plus: pretty boys. Con: ugly girls. Reminiscent of: Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito (I think it was the big cat on a tropical island). Dropped after five minutes. I couldn’t even make it to the pretty boys =(

Valkyria Chronicles: Plus: short skirts. Con: idiotic characters. Reminiscent of: Violinist of Hamelin. Tentatively watching.

Sengoku Basara: OH MY GOD SHIT’S SO REAL!!

That’s about it for anime.

Oh, and while I’m alive, let’s clear something up for newcomer Mori. Jim, bring up the Twitter.

The good doctor, Moritheil, is none other than moi même: Dr. lolikitsune, with Ph.D. in lolikitean, trolling, and good taste.

In final news: my legendary PR guy is talking to me again?! I doubt I’ve done anything right, so I’m just writing him down as a mindless Watchmen fanboy.

October 24th, 2008

BERKELEY, CA—Miao on My Mind, an anime blogging and anime blog blogging site, has been launched to the public today by enthusiastic admin and gold-winning satirist lolikitsune. Already, it has been the target of much fanfare and many rotten oranges tweets. It is both a bitter day for the aniblogosphere and a sweet day for the aniblogosphere; in essence, it is a bittersweet day for the aniblogosphere.

It is a bitter day, because the birth of Miao on My Mind signals the death of notdotq, an aniblog and aniblog blog previously run at the same URL by the same admin. Many long-time readers will be shocked to see their favorite site mysteriously missing when they load their only bookmark.

“I’m not worried ’bout dat,” said lolikitsune, who prefers to go by the more intimate monicker of lolikit, when he was questioned about the issue of reader loyalty, expectations, and potential betrayal. “If a long-time reader looks around with the critical eye I have trained my readers to have, he or she will notice that all the old content is still intact, and that all new content follows in the footsteps of the old.”

When we asked him about the aforementioned “training,” he likened it to a high school education.

“I keep throwing nonsense and utter bullshit at them, you see,” he patiently explained. “Eventually they learn how to cut away that bullshit and get to the heart of things.”

He went on to add, “of course, there isn’t always a heart. Aniblogging is heartless business. But that’s the point, you know? There’s no real substance, anywhere. A true notdotq reader won’t be disappointed by the new shell—the same old lack of meaning is still pervasive.”

Miao on My Mind promises to be “the same old shit” in a “refined package.” The fifteen-day redesign shows lolikit’s hard work in the field of CSS, especially.

“[lolikitsune] learned how to create classes the names of which mean nothing,” said a noted expert from the World Wide Web Consortium. “This is no mean accomplishment. We at the W3C are all very impressed with how far he’s come since he learned HTML 4 in the ninth grade.”

One contact in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Communications Department revealed that the W3C was in fact so impressed with lolikit’s abominable coding habits that plans to file three different lawsuits were currently occupying two entire 1.5TB hard drives. When asked for further details, our contact—who asked to remain anonymous—said that the rest was “classified information.” She also sent us an animated .gif file of a red-haired anime character winking.

But the W3C aren’t the only ones taking notice of—or offense at—lolikit’s latest shenanigans.

“It’s atrocious,” stated Impz of THAT Animeblog [@] and the Anime Blog Awards [@] Committee. “Simply atrocious.”

Owen S. of Cruel Angel Theses [@] concurred with Impz, adding that “lolikitsune is an unthinking douche, and should be removed from the internet with post haste.”

Some, like Shirukii of Anime Blog ga Arimasu [@], merely shrugged when we asked them about the news. “lolikit’s an old friend,” Shirukii said when we pestered him. “I can forgive him for liking flat chests more than <ul> tags.”

Others are on the other side of the love/hate spectrum.

“I think the jasonisms are totally out of hand,” said CCY of Mega Megane Moe [@], in reference to the fact that lolikit’s XHTML stopped being very semantic with the redesign. “But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, you know? lolikitsune has always been an out-of-hand kind of guy. And he’s doing something 100% original, bringing a new style of anime blog to the table.”

100% original, it might be noted, so long as you count “recycling the memes of others” as original. To lolikit’s credit, most anime bloggers recycle crowd memes (see: 4chan) or their own memes, and the reuse of other anime bloggers’ memes is a rare practice. Devoting a site to this is an even rarer practice, and indeed lolikit’s efforts might be the first in the field.

The new genre of website that Miao on My Mind purports to be—”aniblog, aniblog blog, and aniblogger shrine”—may sit stagnant for months or even years before lolikit sees new neighbors joining him, rushed studies show. Only 1 in 17 anime bloggers even recognize the term “aniblog” as official jargon in the aniblogosphere, and only about 1 in 25 read other anime blogs. With those numbers, it is extremely unlikely that anyone will be joining Miao on My Mind anytime soon.

“I did quick studies of my own,” admitted lolikit when we asked him about this. “Ran some quick simulations through Technorati, converted the results into some pleasing graphs, and quickly discovered that the most likely candidate to start up another site like Miao on My Mind in the next two years is yours truly. Now THAT is Web 2.0!”

We appreciated lolikit’s jovial tone, but we noted the despair in his eyes. He’s a true pioneer.

When asked about the future of Miao on My Mind, lolikit lightened up significantly.

“Oh, it’s going to be awesome!” he declared. “The site looks different, but behind the scenes, nothing’s really changing. Working on notdotq was almost always fun, so Miao on My Mind will be a barrel of monkeys as well, I’m sure.”

We asked him to be more specific about his plans.

“Well, at some point I’m going to have to acknowledge those Oi, Hayaku! guys. Riex has been clutching onto my epenis for dear life. He’s even stalking me on Facebook. I feel like the guy from LME in Skip Beat—if I don’t satisfy this fellow, he’ll follow me to the grave. That aside… I guess I’m going to be blogging some anime this season, Mouryou no Hako, and whatever else catches my fancy. As for aniblog blogging, I’m long overdue for some good Versus posts. Expect to see the following before the year is out: Baka-Raptor.com VS. LovelyKitsune.com, Natsuneko VS. TheBigN, and the big one that everyone’s been waiting for, anime|otaku VS. Cruel Angel Theses.”

In short, lolikit’s spirits are wavering back and forth like Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni‘s per-episode quality, and his ambitions are soaring like the proverbial (and actual) paper airplanes of noted symbolism anime ef. It will be interesting to see what comes of this transformation, and where Miao on My Mind goes from here.

In the meantime, we can satisfy our hunger for lolikit’s obscenities by examining the various new pages of information that he has set up around the site, including, but not limited to, a fresh page about the admin in question himself, a new page of frequently asked questions, and a page about blogging awards.

Lastly, lolikit expressed his desire to thank selected members of the aniblogosphere. We have published his message along with our article, and you can read it just below.

FUCK JASON MIAO!

Thank you, lolikit.

lolikitsune, also known as Flak, is a first-year student at the University of California, Berkeley, where he will begin exploring the fields of Cognitive Science, Rhetoric, and Legal Studies in January. He spends half his time working in the Communications Department at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory, and in his free time he enjoys writing stories—such as Miao on My Mind’s featured Night Switch—and maintaining websites, both activities he’s pursued for several years now. You can learn more about him at his main site, Dreams of the Quill.

The former notdotq was part of the second generation of anime blogs, rearing its little head around the same time as other now-notable anime blogs, including the award-winning Minaide! Hazukashii… and the award-winning RIUVA (recipients of Bronze and Silver in the 2008 Anime Blog Award’s Satire section, respectively). notdotq has come and gone four times in the last three years, appearing and disappearing with the seasons and lolikitsune’s mood swings.