A new decade is upon us! There are many strange things afoot in the world of the aniblogosphere! A great otaku cleansing is underway! A baby has been born! Certain females have embraced their true calling as agents of the truth of YFR! These are all clearly omens and signs that it is high time to shake things up in the world.

As such, I have stepped up to the plate to rule as notdotq’s new overlord.

Greetings underlings, I am lolikappa, your new lord and master.

Or something.

For those of you who don’t recognize me, I’ve been here longer than all of you, so shut the fuck up and sit down. I’m a duck and shit, I watch animu, I play vidjamagames, I go to school in the frigid east, and I’ve been IRL archrivals with lolikit for like six years or some shit. Traditionally I make one post on here a year, despite having originally been a coblogger or something like that.

So what happened to lolikit? Well, see, last week he made a grave error. He took on the guise of someone he shouldn’t have. He overstepped his bounds. He took on the mantle of the most rapturous raptor, the madman in the sexy hat, the one, the only… Baka-Raptor-Jesus. He reigned on high for a few glorious hours, but was soon struck down by the mighty hand of the real Baka Raptor, and is thus lost to the world. The mighty lizard cast his pale imitator out into the wild world, where his scrabbling family caught hold of his flailing limbs, and dragged him off into the horizon.

(Of course, I was the one who got him to take on that guise in the first place. As Kurosawa would say… just as keikaku.)

So what will notdotq be like under my reign? Not much different. I’m going to try to post every day, even though most of those posts will be meaningless drivel. Maybe there’ll be a Winter Kickoff Shit? Or maybe some ramble about Eden of the East, or Brotherhood, or Bakuman, or Casshern, whatever else I’m watching/reading these days. WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.

And maybe this regime change won’t be permanent. Maybe someday lolikit will return. But maybe, just maybe…

Maybe this is the dawn of a glorious new decade.

.lolikappa

Yet these hands will never know KIRA~☆

Kaioshin Sama of internet infamy (mostly due to his trollish appearance, which in turn is mostly due to the fact that he has taste and a brain) has issued a challenge to me in the comments of one of RABURI RABURI ghostlightning-chan’s suteki My Hometown-style hippie anti-war pro-love posts. **I move away from the mic to breathe in** The post had been about how people shouldn’t mindlessly hate things, and I had sort of “derailed” (har har) the comments by my introducing my belief that love should be justified just as much as hatred, and that people should always be able to back up their evaluations of shows (and studios).

While we were on the topic of thinking and challenging oneself to be more critical, Kaioshin said:

And if you are looking for a challenge I have one for you. Find me something good that Jason Miao did in terms of blogging……..ever. I have a feeling that I’ve sent you on a wild goose chase, but this could prove interesting nonetheless.

I could point at the sky walls of this blog and yell “Who the hell do you think I am?!” but, as some shrewd observers might observe, the Jason Miao love evident on this site is merely high-level mendacity in its most convoluted form. I have no love for Jason Miao. I am not his biggest fanboy. I cannot point at his forced memes and say “BEHOLD!” while crushing Kaioshin’s challenge in his face.

Two drills, of hand and tail combined—the unison of Vindication, Loli-Kitsu!!

Well, I could. But shouldn’t there be some limit to how sarcastic I can be?

Having decided to take Kaioshin’s challenge seriously, I shall now present unto the aniblogosphere the two and a half good things Jason Miao has done “in terms of blogging,” which I take to mean both “behavior helpful to anibloggers” and “spectacularly legendary blog posts that stimulate the ‘sphere.”

2.5 – Jason Miao liberated Sixten

Were it not for Jason Miao, aniblogosphere illustrator-commenter extraordinaire Sixten would not be the appreciable source of lulz he currently is. Yes, in order to unleash Sixten’s Miao Diary upon the world Jason first had to indenture the poor guy and give him one hell of a complex. Check out this quote:

I am not taking commissions right now, except from family members or Jason Miao (who can always get work from me for free if they ask nicely). – Sixten, Artists are cheap

My interpretation? This guy is whipped.

In any event, it is fact that Sixten was bound to Jason and it is fact that Jason set him free. This is perhaps the best thing Jason has done character-wise; it reflects well on him. I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing he’s done in terms of blogging (hence this point only being ranked #2.5), but it’s pretty good. The Sixten we know today is breaking people everywhere while producing and sharing enjoyable artwork. He’s a positive force in the aniblogosphere, using his art to comment on developments in the community.

It’s good to have the present-day Sixten, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

1.5 – Jason Miao ran Blogsuki horribly

Because Jason was an elitist prick and Blogsuki was nothing more than Jason Miao’s personal feed reader masquerading as a service to the aniblogocircle, there was room for Hung to come on stage, create Animeなの, and weave a basket from the lonely reeds.

Had Jason run Blogsuki well, the aniblogosphere would have evolved very differently. It’s a good thing he fucked up.

What? “How did he fuck up,” you ask?

Well, riddle me this. Can you load Blogsuki? Fuck off.

It’s good to have the present-day ‘sphere, and for that, I thank Jason Miao.

0.5 – Jason Miao is the aniblogosphere’s Virgin Mary

I always pin my genesis as an aniblogger on Fred Gallagher, because one of his Megatokyo rants got me to watch AIR, and that was around the time I was a regular poster on the AnimeSuki forums, through which I encountered Lovely Kitsune. And this is with good reason, for were it not for Lovely Kitsune I would have no idea what anime blogs are. He was also the one to introduce me to blogrolls (I remember he hated bluemist for placing him on his blogroll) and AIM blocks (I hero-worshipped him because I didn’t know better).

From my first post regarding the 2008 Anime Blog Awards:

Lovely Kitsune blogged epic on AIR, and it’s arguable that without him I would not have started anime blogging, and that without that, ANO’s IRC channel would have never been created, and that without that, the ANO community might never have come together, and well… the possibilities run wild from there. But basically, Jason Miao would still run the aniblogosphere.

But all that said, Lovely Kitsune merely gave me awareness. The one who propelled me into creating “notdotq, seriously!” and the lolikitsune persona was none other than Jason Miao. Thanks to his hard work creating this post, singularity was avoided and the present we know is the true and correct present.

I’ll have you notice a few things about this post of his: first, it’s tongue-in-cheek, second, it’s funny, and third, it’s mostly useful. Unbelievable, right? I mean, this is Jason Miao we’re talking about!

… it’s high time I check my quality rating again.

But I digress! Back on the topic of hand, that post got me to begin blogging anime. Now, I ask that you look around you. Were it not for me, would Animeなの’s community have developed as it did? Take a moment to chew on that one. Would Dr. Japes and Hinano be getting married? Would Os have cycled through four team blogs or would he have given up when his friends in KonOSono bailed on him? Would Owen have ever begun blogging? Would he have formed the ABC? Would I have met Author and Sixten? Would I be making a crappy visual novel?

THAT would not have been formed.
Riex would not have joined THAT.
Riex would not have been unhappy with THAT.
Riex would not have launched Oi, Hayaku!
ghostlightning would not have started his blog.

All these “what ifs” build on each other’s shoulders. Really, it’s a circle jerk of hypotheticals, and I could ramble in Aozora Loops about the possibilities, but I think that there are some fairly simple chains of events leading from that one post of Jason’s in early 2006 to the aniblogosphere we frolic around in daily as 2008 comes to a close.

I’m not trying to say that I’m the central pillar of the EL aniblogging community (though I might if I were being less serious). I’m just pointing at the fact that Jason Miao set great things in motion, albeit unintentionally.

So I’d like to be the Raigyo to Jason’s white-haired children, and say this:

“Look at the seed you planted in me. Look how well I took care of it.”

I like the baby monsters given birth to by AoMM’s Echidna, and for that, I thank Jason Miao. Awwww yeah, I just went Greek mythology on your asses. What? You want the good ol’ Bible Bitchslap? Fine. Fuckin’ “monotheists.” Well, buckle up and brace for impact because I’m about to e-jaculate all over your keyboards:

Jason Miao is the Virgin Mary to my Jesus Christ, and for that, I thank him.

Hopefully, the above picture and the one right before it help illustrate the differences between Christianity and Greek mythology: Christianity got rid of the furries and taught people to be ego-centric. Who the fuck needs siblings? Not Jesus Christ.

Well, I’d say I’ve thanked Jason Miao enough. *retches*

Now I’d like to thank Kaioshin Sama for giving me the opportunity to give thanks where thanks were due. I can now return to hating Jason Miao to my Heart’s Content!

P.S. YES I AM THE MOTHER-FUCKING ANIBLOG MESSIAH.

P.P.S.

Bin Laden didn’t blow up the projects
It was U Jason
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers
Tell the TRUTH Jason
Miao knocked down the towers

P.P.P.S. IN B4 “TOO SOON”

Fuck.

Well that’s just fabulous. So what I thought I’d do was, I’d stop my “Rage Against The Jason” long enough to pull some kind of “hahaha just kidding!!” gag. Figured it’d be funny. Figured it’d be hiiiiilarious. The plan was simple: I’d rename notdotq “Miao on My Mind,” I’d float my layout down a river of jasonisms, and then I’d ride on the wave of my readers’ cum.

The plan was, as stated, simple. And so I executed it flawlessly.

I renamed notdotq “Miao on My Mind.”

I floated my layout down a river of jasonisms.

But.

I guess that there was a hidden “???” step I missed out on, though, because my plan has gone horribly wrong. I’m not profiting. If anything, my coffers are being depleted. Rapidly. If this goes on much longer, I will lose all means of waging war against the monster. I will lose… everything.

As we speak, I’m rowing and rowing against the river of jasonisms I myself caused to spring forth from the metaphorical spring. It’s like my month’s work has become an oppressive power, and I find myself forced by my morals and learning to fight it.

Fuck.

This is my “remorse” face pose.

I know what I did wrong. It’s the inside jokes. I left them open to interpretation, to those of you who weren’t familiar with them. You might not have understood that my use of “oh geass no” in a recent post was my attempt at lampooning Jason for his idiocy. In fact, you didn’t. You thought that my alleged “love” for Jason was true, that it was real. You probably thought you could reach out and touch it, and you probably did reach out, and you probably touched something.

The truth is that I have, in my attempts at satire, in my attempts at parody, in my attempts at destruction, legitimized idol-worship of Jason Miao.

This is Jason raping me and, by extension, the entire EL aniblogosphere.

I will never forgive myself.

Look at Oi, Hayaku! It’s this shit-awful team aniblog that sprung up a little over a month ago. Its pretentious-as-all-fuck prima donna ringleader, Riex, has promised us an “aniblogging revolution.” He promised us a new era, and above that he promised us awesome. He assembled a kick-ass score of gifted writers. Unfortunately, all but one of these were aware of how much Jason Miao blows.

I can only guess that, being the enlightened individuals they are, Riex’s bitches took it upon themselves to read my blog when researching the ‘sphere. It’s a beacon of intelligence, after all, right? Fuck.

And what did they take away? They took away that Jason Miao is the end-all, be-all of anibloggerality and that his method is a method that will pierce the drivel of the modern aniblogging scene. Oh, how wrong. Oh, how misled. Jason Miao’s methods won’t call in a new era. Jason Miao’s methods won’t change anything for the better. Jason Miao is a staple of the old-age aniblogosphere, the one-time tyrant of Blogsuki, the desecrator of good shows and proponent of filth. Jason Miao is a demon, and following in his footsteps is like being the confessor to his Zange-chan. Using his forced memes is like being the art club to his Nagi-sama.

This is what’s happening, and it’s not even behind the scenes.

I’m not trying to say anything bad about Oi, Hayaku. They’re good people. I know that the harsh logorrhea is flowing, but that’s just my mood.

I’m not trying to say that Oi, Hayaku has nothing to offer to the ‘sphere. As I said, it’s more full of good writers than your mom’s vagina is of flutes.

Oi, Hayaku could indeed be great.

But not like this.

And I’m a nice guy. Like Akari, I’m wishing for your happiness. I want Oi, Hayaku to succeed. I want it to revolutionize the aniblogosphere. I want it to rock hard. So I’ll give the fellows over there a piece of advice: it’s not too late. You can still turn back.

beanbrew. Maggeh. However many others of you think that jasonisms are all the rage.

Fuck, I don’t care who you are.

Don’t feed the monster.

Others and I worked our fingers to the bone breaking his hegemony in June 2006. Hung of BasuGasuBakuhatsu and AnimeNaNo is the main star to thank, what with making Blogsuki useless. But there are dozens. Drm and tj han, who stood up to the abuse they and others received. Corydorf, who encouraged me to wage my all-out war against the then-Anime on My Mind. Everyone who made fun of Jason in IRC. Everyone. Everyone worked together, as a team, to defeat the beast.

tj han fields tripeman against jason

And we succeeded. The community thrived outside of Jason’s grasp. We made a world where new anibloggers could set up their sites without knowing about Jason.

And now, more than two years later, those new anibloggers, in their ignorance, are about to be the Hebrews to my God—they’re going to ignore my warnings, my words of wisdom, and they’re going to worship false idols. The message of this paragraph is not that anyone should worship me. It just seems like it is. Seriously. I’m almost writing stream of consciousness here. Why all the punctuation? Shit, man. I think in punctuation.

Anyway.

Don’t do this. You don’t need to. You can find your own funny, and you can use it to power a new generation in the aniblogosphere. You don’t need Jason. He’s a blighting influence. Purge him from your systems. (I’m mixing metaphors so fast you’d think this was an alchemist’s NASCAR track!)

How do trains resemble race cars? Let me count the ways…

But. I can’t talk of myself as if I were a saint, or the chemo, or what have you. Oi, Hayaku’s writers beanbrew and Maggeh drew to my attention my most grievous mistake: I took my satire too far. I obfuscated my sarcasm. People took me seriously. They thought I loved Jason. They interpreted my parroting as adulation. Have they not watched the Colbert Report? But I cant blame them for a lack of insightfulness. I can only blame myself for failing to communicate.

I can only blame myself, and ask that the ‘sphere reconsider. That Oi, Hayaku reconsider.

I repeat: it’s not too late.

You can still turn back.

Mid-post Breaking News!
This just in: Otou-san divulges the fact that Oi, Hayaku’s shittiness is all a ploy to put me out of business.

I was going to add, at the end of this post, that I was at least touched that Maggeh imitated me ( Exhibit A :: a recent graph of mine | Exhibit B :: a more recent graph of Maggeh’s ). But now I see. This whole thing was merely a plot to steal my crown? Fuck that shit. Oi, Hayaku must not receive Best Satire or Funniest at ABA 2009. I’m donning my “fuck these shits” outfit.

This is my “fuck these shits” face.

I started off the morning with failing to blog about Friday (note how Friday’s post was written mostly on Sunday—the same day I’m writing this) and followed that up with some delicious hot chocolate and lemon bar. I then headed over to AMVs where I wasted a good two hours enjoying the mostly fun and sometimes incredibly lame fan creations. After the AMVs I hit up the dealer’s room again. This time I walked away with a new hat and an Aria figurine. And not just any Aria figurine—an Aria figurine. That’s right. The cat. Fuck yeah Aria.

After the dealer’s room, I found myself at loose ends. I tried forcing myself to re-watch some El Cazador de la Bruja and that went over real shittily. The first problem with it was that I realized that its re-watch value on go #3 is like, 0. That was the only problem I recognized because I got the fuck out. I ended up being tooled into going to the Gainax room and watching four episodes of Gurren Shittan. I flame, as usual, because I love.

At four I flounced over to the MAD about Nico panel, which was cooler than last year’s MAD panel and better than this year’s lack of Nico-ness in Damn You Internets!, due to… well, having Nico-ness. I lulzed at Nagato Yuki’s UNINSTALL. I think I lulzed too much. I think it hurt a little bit.

At five I scurried over to the Gainax panel. I sat with three friends, each of whom asked a question (the guy who asked about Yoko’as age? He did it at my bidding—I was too shy and self-conscious). I heard both of Miao’s questions. The first was, admittedly, cool, because it prompted a lot of interesting talk from the president. The second was shit because Ikari Shinji should never be apologized for. If Simon and Kamina are so different, Jason, that’s not an apology—it’s a compliment. Faggerjack.

After Miaonax I tried to hit up the How To Talk To Girls panel with my buddies but it was crap despite having Mr. Evangelion on it. We ditched it in favor of food, which was needed and sooooooooo delicious. We came back from food just in time to line up for Damn You Internets!. Which uh, for lack of a better word, sucked ass.

No internet connection, so no nico nico douga.

No Jared, so no lulz.

No Stu, so no sex.

Mikey completely failed and holding the focus while being funny and half the people who said things at the audience mic were fail. My friend who measured… well, he measured, and I was surprised that it only came out to be that long because when it’s inside me oh let me tell you it is the bomb and it is the snake and it’s like the ultimate in terrorist technology if you consider my ass to be a flying car. Or something.

There WAS a beautiful beautiful gigantic picture of wet&needy Hatsune Miku. I came a bazillion times.

I also found out WHY Jared wasn’t at the panel—the story’s lulz, and I’ll recount it when I do my more in-depth end-of-con report on Monday that will have precious anecdotes and stuff. Notable events at the otherwise fail 4chan panel: my friend announcing his measurement. The Mexican guy breaking the watermelon. The one Ronald video. Some not-too-impressive rickrolling. I yelled something about xenutv being down for breaking the law; thankfully no one paid heed.

After the fail panel, I took a shower (masaka!!!!! rite?!), chilled a bit, grabbed some food, and then catapulted myself into School Days.

School Days.

School Days.

School Days.

I love you. I don’t know if it’s that I was watching you with someone else. I don’t know if it’s that I knew Makoto had it coming. I don’t know if it’s that I’d been cracking Nice Boat jokes all day. I don’t know if it’s that I was sleep-deprived. But holy fuck, that show was awesome. I’m not editing my MAL right now, but if I were, I’d set it to complete and give it a 10/10. It was amazing. Bantering with the other audience members throughout the penultimate and ultimate episodes was hilarious fun. And there was so much applause at every event in the last episode—Makoto’s death, Makoto in a bag, Sekai’s death, Sekai’s disembowelment, “there’s no one inside you,” the Nice Boat. Some yelled, “BAD END!” I yelled back, “BEST END!” Someone said they needed to watch something happy ASAP. I said nothing’s happier than watching Makoto be raped with knives.

This is hardly Saturday any longer (the entire School Days marathon took place on Sunday, technically) but I slept for about an hour in the Clannad marathon afterward, and I’m using that as the bookend of the day.

And now I’m off to go enjoy Sunday!

There’s an animeblogger meet-up in two and a half hours in the lobby lounge of the hotel I’m in, I think, so uh—I’ll be there, I guess. I wonder if Miao will show his face. That’d be fucking hilarious on all kinds of levels.

on may 7th, I posted about ARIA

Yesterday, Baka-Raptor called me the Troll King:

This inspired me to make the above graph, since like, I’ve been playing too many card games in Physics lately. At the expense of paying attention. Of course. But I digress. I always imagined Owen as the queen to my king, but recently he’s been less of a troll and more of an asshat, so you can see his downward trend. Baka-Raptor, on the other hand, has just perfected a new technique, furthering his ascent toward dipfaggerism trollish greatness.

I’m totally jealous of it.

Hisatsu: Maul Comment

Baka-Raptor has become an Censorship-Raptor, and that’s perfectly okay because he’s gotta be one of those enlightened few who realize that there are only ever three reasons for doing anything: great justice, lulz, and spinal reflexes. Knowing Baka-Raptor and knowing his style and how he rolls, he’s clearly doing it for the lulz. Censorship is only bad if it’s done for great justice, so I can forgive him.

I mean, I can forgive him the censorship.

But I won’t forgive him for trumping me. I’m well known for trolling the shit out of my own comments. And yet. I have never edited anyone else’s comments. I’ve come to the conclusion that, as a counter-measure, I must immerse myself in renewed study of trollnomics. Perhaps by raising aggregate trolling equilibrium one notch, or perhaps by shifting a couple degrees up on my Lulz Possibility Frontier, I can resume my role of Troll Ace.

Of course, I won’t pursue education all on my lonesome. I’ll share some of my soon-to-be infinite knowledge with you my readers. Enjoy.

if the trolling is lame, Mike doesn’t like it. and yet, it becomes easier for me to supply it! once again I find myself dealing with scarcity…

Totally off-topic, but it seems like Daijoubu Dango is a magnet that attracts my best comments. Seriously, take a look at that second link, at that beauty. It’s got as many layers of potential meaning as Lain.

if overall troll levels (troll sub 1) are increased, value of trolling goes down (see: lulz %). however, if overall troll levels remain constant (the natural rate of trolling) and troll demand increases, more people are tickled pink by my lulz (value of trolling goes up)

Alright, I’m done being a dick for right now. Time to share the best thing I’ve ever made:

If someone wants to color that / make banners / fap, go ahead. It is delicious caek. Anyway, I think I’ll leave off with a bit of metametabloggery. What follows is a quote from anime|otaku.

He is conventional in his blogging because it’s what he excels at. Daniel doesn’t mind repetition, and he’s moderately successful (look at all those comments!), so why does he need to change? I disagree with the fact that Daniel wants to be freer, though. He’s a very free guy, and writing like the literary critic he’s training to be is I believe what he feels to be the best for him.

Now, what he’s saying on an analytical level is less important than what he’s saying on a categorical level. What we see here is Mike—Mike the reader, Mike the writer, Mike the intellectual—doing something that only crappy trolls somewhat like myself do: metablogging. And that is the closest approximation to the desired results of the wonders of /i/ :: epic lulz.

This is not a shop.

It seems as though bitches don’t know ’bout my anger. Or something. Did I not make myself explicitly clear? Just in case I didn’t, allow the redundancy in my previous sentence to strike home the point that I was serious. Just in case you’re trying to egg me on… just in case you understood my graph, and thought that it would be OMG FUNNIEEEE to provoke me and to rage my raise meter… I’ll give you 15 reasons not to vote for me, in the form of previous posts I’ve made on this site. I will provide links to each of them along with an adjective. Keeping that adjective in mind, read the linked posts. You’ll find that I’m a worthless piece of crap and that you should not, under any circumstances, vote for me.

15. Vote Lolikit? No we can’t! – whorish

14. Loli vs. MILF – i has an answer – pitiful

13. Sola 01 – Matsuri my Vampire – clever

12. This is a response to: Impz’s advice about inspiration – bitchy

11. Fanime, second day in review: anime blogging panel #2, lolicon sign, etc. – dangerous

10. Sola 02 – Endless my Sky – redundant

9. I suppose it’s time to say goodbye… – anime blogger (adj)

8. Kannazuki no Miko Ep. 25 [END] – adoring

7. Kyousora – STUNNING FACTS! AMAZING DISCOVERY!!! – cruel

6. Taking Faulkner to Haruhi, part 1 – sardonic

5. I love you, Os. – single-minded

4. 2.5 minutes of Lucky Star ep01 – Subtitle: you fucking suck – idiotic

3. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni – Fuck you WinD, Fuck you Jason, and Fuck you mindless fanboys – rageful

2. I joined the SOS-dan… – awesome

1. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni – There are no "Killer Lolis" – correct (also, bonus)

The DL Plan is proceeding just as planned.

So I just the other day made a post announcing my intention to run a rigorous campaign for the Anime Blog Awards. In case you’re all completely incompetent and unable to detect things like this, that post was a joke. YHBT etc. Do I actually want to run a campaign? Fuck no. I don’t have time or money for that shit. Do I actually want to win votes? NO.

Because see, I know.

I know that no one actually thinks this site is good in any way. I know that any vote for me is just a joke, a troll as it were. Every vote for me is a thorn in my side, put there to vex me. Anyone who votes for me—whether they know it or not—is only furthering the DL Plan.

And so I beseech you—those of you who didn’t realize that my last post was a joke—not to vote for me.

Yes, Hirano-fags, I will give you your weeaboo visual AIDs.

In the long run, Lolikit’s rage is independent of fluctuations in voting, and the maximum number of Lolikit fanboys hovers around eight or nine. If he gets ~20E50 votes, voters are voting overtime (cheating, dynamic IPs, multiple computers and networks, personal armying, etc.) and he still loses to Hinano (who secured like, >9000 nominations). Equilibrium for the loliconomy is currently at forty tons of rage and zero votes, because a bit of rage is good and natural. If Lolikit becomes better-natured, the Votes Demanded curve may shift to the right, bringing votes up to potential.

Now that we’ve got THAT abomination out of the way, maybe we can all live happily ever after, in a sort of me = 40 tons of rage, you = subservient bitches kind of way.

Fuck voting.

I just want to be your friend.

What? You want to know why I hate the blogs I do? Figure it out yourselves.

… or, I guess I could write about it tomorrow?

… Mission accomplished.

Gloomy, AKA Owen. The man, the blogger, the hegemony.

Don’t say no. You know you are. Even if you have no idea who I am, you know who Owen is. He’s infamous. He’s bigger in the aniblogosphere than I am, despite being more than a year my junior. But this post isn’t about relative status or popularity… this post is about justice. This post is about a veritable terror. This post is about all the little things Owen doesn’t want you to know.

Before I go into any further depths, I need to address a few things you probably do know something about. First, the main influences in the creation of Owen’s blog. Yes, I was one of them. Posting the usual mindless vitriol in response to a harmless show, I accidentally pricked the mind of a lurking troll. He created the Cruel Angel Theses and nailed them to my church’s front door the very next morning. I began apologizing that cold April morning one year ago, and I’m still apologizing to this day.

But much as I enjoy apologizing, I can’t soak up all the fault. I inspired Owen to begin blogging, but the one who gave him his true power over people was the legendary Japes. I say legendary because what was once a fairy tale of love and courage has become a mind-numbing train commute along rails of terrible mech anime. What I mean by all this is that the mighty Japes has fallen.

A beautiful downward slope.

In his place, Owen has risen up, the de facto king of thought-out (and blown-out) analytic diatribes. Utilizing JP’s main weapon—intelligence—Owen conquered worlds. Had he only inherited my share of blogging, he would be nowhere. But no, he acquired that key ingredient I’ve always lacked (again, intelligence) and combined it and trolling to UNISON his way across time and space and somehow become the APEX OF ANIME BLOGGING in about half a year. (He’s actually been declining for five months and fourteen days now, he just doesn’t know it.)

Some might say that the mighty Japes has fallen. I’ve already agreed with this viewpoint, but I’d like to add that semenonfigure is why we can’t have pretty things and that he is legendary even in his demise. His last two posts (here and here) are Jason Miao material. Please, go die JP.

Second on my list of things to address is the role of notdotq in the aniblogosphere. I’m not actually going to address it now because I spent waaaaaay too many words on the last point and I’m trying to get to the delicious stuff. You know. The CAKE—the primary objective. It’s delicious, so the Regional C.O. is fapping it. This means that no further saging is required and that I, having been briefed by the O.P., am to go forward with the plan.

And so I go forward with the plan.

#10.
Owen’s blog is one year old today. Looking at the Anime Blog Awards nominations for Rookie of the Year, you’d think that it was much older than this. Contrary to popular belief, however, Zeroblade and I are not batshit insane. Yes, Owen’s blog was an infant at the start of the Anime Blog Awards. It should be noted here that I don’t actually have any intelligence that this is meant to be a secret. Looking at the nominations list, though, it is obvious: Owen’s blog’s age is a de facto secret. Or at least, it was. I’m Keiichi and I have a shovel and though there are three more trees in this forest than previously accounted for, I’m going to keep digging.

#9.
Owen did not create the Anime Blogging Collective.

#8.
You are not, in fact, trash as well.

#7.
This one is a well-kept secret: Owen is secretly an episodic anime blogger. “How is this possible?!” you might ask, well aware that his Cruel Angel Theses are editorial (I won’t dispute that). I shall respond with an even better-kept secret (two for one!): Owen and Aroduc are one and the same.

#6.
Owen is, in fact, a girl. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Dango Shithead DID do a good job using reverse psychology to convince you all that Owen’s a dude. DS is in fact one of Owen’s closest henchmen—or maybe even a clone—and that post was 100% truth.

#5.
Owen likes Lucky Star. Yes. You’d think that by the mere act of associating with me, he hates Lucky Star. The rest of the image follows easily: all his adulation for the show is hidden trolling along the lines of my dealings with Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu. But don’t be deceived. In spite of his trolling nature, and in spite of his alleged friendship with me, and in spite of how dishonest he is at times, he is not lying when he claims that Lucky Star is good.

…

I mean, he is not lying when he claims that he thinks Lucky Star is good.

#4.
Owen did create the Anime Blogging Collective.

#3.
Owen has ruled the ABC since its founding, and he continues to to this day. The rumors of a hostile takeover by glompable 15 year-old girls are false, propagated by DS, Aroduc, and Owen (yes, the monster CROSS-POSTS bullshit on his multiple sites).

#2.
Owen is a Nazi Dictator. And he’s sexist. The evidence I am about to produce may seem controversial… and it is… but upon further examination you will find it 100% authentic. You might ask, “why was this not brought to light sooner?” and the answer to that can only be that if I had produced this earlier—before ensuring my safety—Owen’s intricate web of power might have destroyed me. Now, however, I have locked myself in the Gnomes’ caves and have blocked my door with a miniature black hole. Sure of my security, I move forward and produce the evidence, evidence that has been seen by no one outside of the enemy’s orgs… until now. Ladies and gentlemen, docs.

#1.
No, Owen has not grown taller than me. Blogging power levels aside, I fear I shall always and forever tower above him physically.

Happy Blogging Birthday, you lovable fucktard. Here’s to many more.