A recap, in case any of you are even more out of it than I was: there’s an Aniblog Tourney happening. That’s right, bitches, aniblog.

“This is the first time!!! SO EXCITED” scream countless aniblogosphere sycophants. But no, sadly, this is not the first time. We had the Anime Blog Awards in 200…8? Lemme check my sidebar. Ah yes. Best Satire Blog 08. To give credit where credit is due, there are two original things about this Aniblog Tourney: first, it’s sucking on Jason’s cock by being set up in a sports-esque bracket (which Josh so kindly SGML-ized); second, I’m not in it.

Am I bitter? Fuck no! Being excluded from this sham of democracy is the best thing that’s happened to me all month!

This also means that I can kibitz from the sidelines with impunity. I won’t look like a narcissistic whore and I won’t look like an emo loser! I’ll just be me, you know, just be me. And then no one be judging me, except me.

All this said in various shades of verbal irony, I shall now move right along to the first round of the Aniblog Tourney without further ado.

My picks are winning for now, but will it all be meaningless in the end?

Every day, two pairs of blogs are voted on. Today, it’s… well, you see the names in the above-srced image. Calamitous Intents and The Cart Driver are winning so far today. This is good, because those are the two blogs I voted for. Why did I vote for them? Funny you should ask!

I voted for Calamitous Intents because that’s where Choux resides. For those not in the know, Choux is a lovely lovely artist who did the female character designs of CCY-senpai wa 17sai. Yes, this is a plain case of personal bias. What? How much did she charge me for the artwork? Zero dollars. Fuck, this looks like corruption in action. So much for democracy!

As for The Cart Driver, I was unfamiliar with the blog prior to today. I was also unfamiliar with its opponent, Sekijitsu, but the choice was pretty easy to make after a quick peek at both sites. First, Sekijitsu has about 600 pixels of the HTML equivalent of drivel before you actually get down to business and read their posts. That’s a big no-no in my book. To make matters worse… well, I’ll let the blog speak for itself:

Do you remember what I said about the originality of the Aniblog Tourney earlier in this post?

Okay, okay, so something can be 100% unoriginal and still be epic, but this is really pushing it.

Moving right along, The Cart Driver is… well, you remember how Code Geass R2 ended? Remember how a certain Mike was orgasming over the idea of Lelouch still being alive at the end? Remember how, grasping for whatever straws he could, he came up with a 4chan rumor that zomg the cart driver is Lelouch!! ? Yeah. The Cart Driver is that cart driver.

Negative points in my book, but said aniblog quickly shoots to the top of my list of good blogs due to the number of pixels between the top of the page and the first post (maybe 100? something sexy like that). All this pored over, The Cart Driver carts home an easy win.

Am I suggesting that my votes are important in any way?

I suppose I am. Please forgive me, oh aniblogospeers.

P.S. just for the record, if rankings in the Aniblog Tourney are primarily based on blog age, how is notdotq not even featured? I was around before half of the participant blogs. ghostlightning? You gotta be kidding me.

One day I’m in DotQ‘s admin panel by chance and I see a new comment in moderation. This is pretty infrequent (as noted here, I’m even more unpopular now than I was half a year ago so it’s like, negative comments time), so I’m curious and I investigate. Lo and behold, it’s a pingback! On the Night Switch page! From… Sixten?!

And I’m like, “whoa!” I’m like, “since when did people I insult acknowledge me?!” I’m like, “doesn’t this guy suck Jason’s cock nightly? Surely he must know to avoid me! How come I’m not IP banned on his site yet? Is there something wrong with his brain? Clearly Jason hasn’t scrambled it enough! Anal penetrations moar plzplzplz!!”

When I was over my initial squeeing, I actually read the post.

(Some more serious and respectful comments on his post can be found in a post on Dreams of the Quill that I’m writing at the same time as I’m writing this. Seriously. This post isn’t my official response to Sixten’s post, it’s just classic notdotq-style vitriol and idiocy.)

Upon reading, I immediately become livid. The guy begins his post by not knowing who I am (“he (she?)”), which is unacceptable. He also misspells my handle—”LoliKitsune” instead of “lolikitsune.” He then goes on to namefag me (“I suspect Flak and LoliKit are the same person”), as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. On second thought, I suppose it is natural, for him. After all, it’s his idol Jason who was kind enough to namefag Pete Zaitcev.

Sidenote: I don’t portray myself as a loli kitsune. What’s in a name?

Would not a troll by any other name be as odorous?

Sixten concludes the introduction of his post with a demonstration of his illogic. He “decided it was time to read it” after Flak (I), whom he suspected was lolikitsune (me), posted an idiotic comment on his blog whoring Night Switch. I certainly wouldn’t read anything whored in an idiotic comment by someone who (appears to be) spamming in the name of (important side note: the different handles exist for compartmentalizing of online life and internet spheres, not for tricking people into thinking I’m legion). Even if it had to do with Jason Miao. Never. Wouldn’t happen.

Unless, you know, I was trying to get trolling fodder.

Anyway. After this introduction, Sixten launches into a synopsis of various aspects of Night Switch. He describes the background of the story as he sees it (he’s neither too wrong nor too correct for the summary to be full of idiocy or full of spoilers, respectively), and then has a paragraph for three of the characters in the story, complete with ILLUSTRATIONS.

Yeah right.

There is no way this guy has enough time on his hands to read all of Night Switch, draw pictures, AND blog about it in under twenty hours. That’s right—I made my comment less than twenty hours before this blog post went live. There are two possibilities here: he’s either a liar or a NEET. In the first scenario, he’s actually been reading Night Switch for some time, and the illustrations have been sitting on his computer waiting for the day I would foolishly waltz into his blog and comment. In the second scenario, he actually does have that kind of time on his hands.

But I digress.

(Some of the information in his character descriptions is less than accurate—this is addressed in the aforementioned “official response” on Dreams of the Quill.)

Oddly enough, Sixten’s three selected characters don’t have a 100% overlap with the story’s three main characters. He chose to highlight JTFish’s Pedantic Dachshund character instead of the story’s hero, Amtrak worker and religious fanatic Joe. Well, good on him for ignoring the boring characters I guess. The Geass-toting dog is definitely more interesting than the Tetris-obsessed, people-hating Joe.

Here’s where it gets REALLY good, though: after these summaries of plot and character, Sixten analyzes the story a bit. Here’re some choice quotes:

“Unlike Miao Diary, which is mostly styled after fluff anime, Night Switch borrows plot points from more serious and dramatic shows such as Nanoha and Code Geass.” (emphasis mine)

That’s right. He said it. Well, I can only hope for one thing: that he’s only seen two episodes of Code Geass. Any more than that, and he’s just laughing his ass off at me here. Code Geass? Serious? It’s like he’s calling Night Switch a slapstick routine. (Speaking of which, Suzaku slapped Lelouch’s stick in Episode 24 of R2. That was hot.)

“As LoliKitsune pointed out, Night Switch is better than Miao Diary – it’s not a self-insert, wish-fulfillment, mo√© vehicle like that story featuring Jasmine.”

Here he uses a masterful trolling technique known to inspire Troll’s Remorse in lesser trolls. He turns my own cruelty against me in an attempt to make me regret my callous remarks. Thankfully I’m not susceptible, and I stand by my claims that Miao Diary is nothing more than a more modern Megatokyo (read: horse excrement). But still, it’s the thought that counts, as they say. Sixten really tried to drive it into me here.

“It’s as well-written as Jason’s scripts for Heart’s Content”

A nail in the metaphorical coffin, here he compares the quality of my product to the quality of Jason’s. I’ve read AoMM on and off for three years now (on when I wasn’t banned, off when I was) and I have never thought anything special of Jason’s command of the English language. Now, you might say I’m not one to talk. I’m a high school graduate. My writing is far from what I would call “good.” I don’t grammar well. My active vocabulary is often inadequate. But you don’t need to be a good writer to tell a bad one, and I can tell Jason is bad. Horrendously so.

Actually, if my writing is at the level of his, it might be time for me to pull my Megatokyo move.

/me strips, then reaches for lighter fluid and matches

“f Miao Diary is a strawberry marshmallow, Night Switch is a meal of rice, meat, and vegetables. Read it today for a balanced diet.”

What
the
fuck
is
a
strawberry marshmallow?!

Sigh.

Sixten is a formidable opponent. He even made a cover for Night Switch, pictured below. And of course, it lacks Joe. Poor Joe. Never gets any love. I think that’s why he turned to Jesus.

(That’s right, bitch, I hotlinked that.)

Majime na Lolikit
Sixten, you rock. <3

First, he grew a k, two ns, and three more os. He became konOSono. He absorbed some friends and they, like all good friends, betrayed him by not living up to his expectations. Hopes and dreams shattered, he left konOSono behind.

He came upon a k and harvested an a, an r, an h, and an i. He became karOShi. That didn’t work out too well either, though he assembled yet another small crew. His gay lover (Pip, male form) stopped screwing him in the pooper nightly when he went to Paris. Os, his heart in pieces, told his small crew to fuck itself. The crew responded by disappearing from the internet, which made Os emo.

Time passed.

Pip met and fell in love with Sasa.

Os, thinking that he could somehow remain in proximity to his former love by sticking like glue to Sasa, did just that: he stuck himself to Sasa. His motto was “by any means necessary” so he made the sacrifice and sliced himself in two and spliced those pieces into a larger body of letters: chrOme.daSaku.net.

After a while of boring slow times, I returned to the aniblogosphere and flamed the living hell out of Hirano Aya. Os was so entranced with my DFC and dextrous fingers that he forgot Pip and begged to join me.

And here he is, like so many other love-stricken fools, camped out in front of my domain.

http://os.dotq.org

I would say that I have won, but, knowing Os’s nature, it’s going to take a lot of effort on my part to hold onto him.