we're finally notdotq anymore

(Sun)Day 3 wasn’t very wonderful. It was great in some ways (very relaxing and slow-paced) but overall it was kind of empty. I stayed home with my older brother and played games all day, pretty much. Warcraft 3 custom maps to be precise. Burning up hours in video games always depresses me, so I felt bad after it was over. Also, we didn’t really go outside or see other people at all, which kind of thwarts most of Mizunashi Mode’s outreach goals (can’t greet or smile at people if you’re not in contact with them, etc.).

So yeah… I’d say Day 3 was a failure. In the future, I’ll try to use my spare weekend days to take long walks and enjoy the beauty of my town. That, or if I absolutely need to stay home, I’ll try to use my time on more creative pursuits.

A day is a lot to waste, since we have limited time.

(Mon)Day 4 was quite a bit better. Was back at work. Saw lots of folks, some I knew and some I didn’t, and smiled and received smiles. Enjoyed a cantaloupe possibly more than I should have but it made me so happy! :) Got some good stuff done at work, etc.

There was one super un-wonderful thing that occurred on Day 4, though.

I had lunch with my dad. A bit of background: he’s either insane or I’m a really shitty person, but in the last two weeks he’s flown completely off the handle and assaulted me verbally for being the shittiest person he knows, etc. etc. How he does everything for me and I never thank him and always expect more, and so on. Kinda weird since I always thank him for everything and never expect anything (well, aside from rage, now). ANYWAY. He works at the same lab as I do, so we sometimes go to the cafeteria together, which always used to be fun. Day 4, though, he seems to have completely forgotten how he “officially” expelled me from his apartment the previous Thursday (one day before Mizunashi Mode commenced) and is all cordial and stuff.

I accept his invitation because I have no excuse not to…

But it’s not fun at all. All I can think of is how scared I am of him yelling at me again. That wasn’t wonderful. I was just terrified the whole time. I… I don’t think that’s a failing of Mizunashi Mode… but I guess you guys can be the judge of that. Overall, I strive not to upset people. I strive to not upset people.

But uh, maybe I’m a shitty person and in the wrong, and I need to apologize to my father—not sure what for, though.

Anyway. Day 5 is shaping up well, will update later.