UMBRELLAS ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS.

As all watchers of this show should know (for all watchers of this show should have seen both seasons of Maria-sama ga Miteru), blue umbrellas are to lilies as handkerchiefs are to Othello. In otherwords, a lack thereof makes them go emo. And when I say emo, I mean super emo! Rainy Blue, anyone?

NYAHAHAHA, PEDOBEAR.

Now, there are a few key differences between this episode and The Source. And yes, from now on I’m referring to Marimite as The Source, in the context of this show. So, first off, Nagisa (whose umbrella it is) does not go emo over its absence. She moans a lot, but this is Nagisa- she moans a lot. She gets over it damn fast and decides to buy a new umbrella. Every other person in all of the three schools makes a big deal out of the umbrella though, going so far as to employ Le Rim’s SOS-dan.

SHE BOUNCES. OFF DOORS.

For some similarities, the mood of the episode was, for the most part, pretty down. There was a lot of bad comedy with the detectives, and there was some nice relief slapstick with the PHLAG. But that aside… Etoile-sama said some interesting things, and, much more importantly, EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER ASIDE FROM NAGISA WENT NUTS.

I love angst.

And over the course of the episode, Tamao grew gradually more and more angsty, a key point being when she sees Nagisa and Chiyo sharing an umbrella. She drops her bag- kind of like Takayuki when he realizes that Suzumiya Haruka just got wtfhit by a car while waiting for him. Only in this case, the assault was much more personal; while Chiyo put her arm around Nagisa’s, I like to think Mitsuki wasn’t the one driving the car.

Did I mention yet that this show sucks? The Source, when taken properly, is damn funny. You should all know that while I appreciate The Source’s emotions and drama, I see it more as a comedy than anything, and laugh my ass off at it (especially Rosa Gigantea) quite often. The Derivative (as I shall henceforth be calling Strawberry Panic) would follow in the same vein, were it not for the blatant homages/rips/wtfsteals. As it is, it’s set up to be a parody. We have the set-up… lesbian Japanese Catholic girls’ school. We have the locations… Maria-sama statue, conservatory, student council room. We have the people… Rei clone, Youko clone, everyone-fucking-else clone. We have the scenes… “do you know what these flowers are?”, “do you know how this goes?”. We have the episodes… “O NOEZ MY UMBRELLA! IT’S TEH LOST!”

So, does it parody?

Maybe it tries. In which case it falls flat on its face as a parody. We know good and bad parodies; we know Ouran and Bleach. While Ouran doesn’t take itself seriously, Bleach does all too often and ends up as annoying (or more so) than its predecessors. And so we have Strawberry Panic, The Derivative, giving off the same exact vibes as Maria-sama ga Miteru, The Source. In this light, I’ll have to go with “the producers were not aiming at parody”, in which case The Derivative is nigh on hyaku-pasento plagiarism.

I’m not trying to condemn The Derivative here, and I definitely don’t intend to put it on trial. The things I’m saying are clear facts based on the content of the show.

Bad parody? Same show, different hair colors? Does it matter?

We’ve seen The Source. We’re ready for something new. Simoun is something new. Kasimasi, while subpar, was something new. I watched The Source 2+ times, and I enjoyed it thoroughly, but if I want to rewatch it, isn’t that always an option? I’m looking for some originality in The Derivative, and I’m not so sure I’ll ever find it. Accepting precedents is fine; bringing nothing new to the table isn’t so hot.

In order to showcase my hopes for this show, let’s make a few predictions:

1. Tamao and Chiyo will form a Love Alliance; Tamao will remain dominant in their relationship; they don’t bathe together and thus won’t be able to discuss tactics; Chiyo will end up in a trashbin with an on-off switch in her vagina and even fewer IQ points.

2. Yaya will attempt to sabotage one of Amane’s races to make her lose face in front of Hikari; she’ll succeed in doing so; Amane will become injured in the process; Hikari will visit her in the hospital every day, change the water in the vase of flowers at her bedside, and spoon-feed her; Amane and Hikari will grow closer and closer; Hikari will stand outside the hospital room window in the rain, crying and saying “gomen nasai” again and again.

3. Tsubomi the PHLAG will never become a serious character. If she does, I will need to perform a purification ceremony after every episode in order to remain sane.

4. The umbrella will be back.

5. Etoile-sama WILL, at SOME point, attempt to deal with her feelings by ignoring Nagisa. Naw, fuck that. She’ll keep trying to pin Nagisa against trees, walls, whatever have you.

6. The kouhai that Nagisa picked up this episode will serve as the lolier-than-Tsubomi-or-Chiyo loli. She’s an Anju-class loli, no, better- she’s a Primula-class loli. We’re waiting for the wtfpoison, kiddo.

These are all predictions that have no chance of coming true if the show continues along its current course. But hopefully at least one or two will come true. That would make the show infinitely better (in otherwords, not bad.)

While I’m fed up with watching this show already, I’m still getting a kick out of blogging it. I hope it becomes more bearable before FSN has run its due course, though, or else I might need to find another series to blog.