No, the answer is not that Arthur is a sweaty, bearded, sister-fucking pagan. No, the answer is in fact not that Ilya is hotter (though that is the case.) No, the answer is that this is the look Tohsaka will surely give you, as surely as Yahoo stole Hard Gay’s hoo:

HER EXPRESSION BEAT YUMI.

No, it’s not a shocked look, per se. No, it’s not hyper and crazy. No, it’s not super cute. But it has that weary, “what the fucking hell” feel to it. And quite frankly, I’ve been looking at Emiya that way for the past 7 episodes (ever since he passed up on being Ilya’s sex slave). This is fucking poetic justice, and it’s great that the producers are sticking it up their own asses. If I had to pick which of the characters in FSN is my god, it would not be one of my favorites (Ilya, Assassin) but Tohsaka, who somehow makes the show work. She did it before, and she’s doing it again.

“UM… SABER… LET US PROCREATE.”

So sayeth Emiya, ever the smooth talker. And again, Tohsaka makes the scene work, that smug grin of hers ruling the viewer’s attention. I never really thought I’d turn to Tohsaka for the good points in the show, but I suppose the day has come. One thing to note is that, when Emiya told Saber that a date is between a guy and a girl, Saber asked if she was the girl. And you know what? Hell’s naw. Saber is fucking King Arthur. Saber is definitely the man in the relationship. This fact is backed up by Tohsaka’s amusement- she’s laughing at Emiya for going hard gay.

“I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO PLEASE EMIYA.”

And you can bet Tohsaka wants to, too. We’re all disappointed that she didn’t give her rosary to Saber, and she’s on OUR team. TOH-SA-KA! TOH-SA-KA!

YOU TOOK YOUR TIME, BITCH.

As if on cue when liking Emiya was mentioned, Ilya shows up. And I remember why this isn’t just “yuri or else, bitch”: notdotq is “loliyuri or else, bitch” as justified by Ilya’s sexiness. Not sure what she sees in Emiya, but that’s okay. All I know is that seeing her spin in was pleasurable.

I’M REMINDED OF RIZELMINE’S OP…

“Shimasho! Shimasho! Shimasho!”… for those of you who have had the good fortune of not watching the loliwife-beater show, the refrain of the song translates roughly to “let’s do it!” x3. In other words, Ilya’s in heat.

PUPPY FACE?

Puppy -> dog -> bitch.

TOO BAD SHE CAN’T TAKE IT ALL IN.

Bitch -> used bitch -> KO’d, bitch!

SHE MIGHT NEVER REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS.

KO’d bitch -> sex doll. Too bad Emiya’s not man enough to use and reuse her body while she’s in that state. Fucking Emiya went hard gay for King Arthur. Worst mistake he ever made (after going hard gay for his father.) Tohsaka’s still laughing, of course. Emiya and Saber go on their date, and it’s not so great. She incurs some property damage, and enters tsundere mode. Who’d have thunk: King Arthur, a tsunderekko.

SABER CUTENESS INDEX +10!!

Everything covered in this post so far occurs before the mid-way point. Let me note that nothing past the mid-point is worth covering. Absolutely nothing. Emiya goes angsty, Saber goes angsty, Gilgamesh goes Creed, jacket and all… it’s all bad. Fortunately for us, we get to see shoddy anime Star Wars fanfilm:

IS THIS A DATE?

While it might seem like I actually spent time on this post, and care about the show, and while I might have made the good points of the episode stand out, the episode was shit. A good deal of the first half was also Emiya-angst, and there were lots of flashbacks. Thankfully, they were the flashbacks we’ve only seen once each… not six or seven -nor twelve- times. I’m getting really tired of writing about this show.

Four more episodes to go.

Ganbarimasu wa yo!